Please tell me how to “gym”

[ElliottFromScrubs]

I am 40 this year. I hate almost everything about myself. I have two (gorgeous) children, they are 9 and 5. Two c sections, a nice dose of endometriosis (in my c section scar - so a lot of swelling), a stressful job and some good old fashioned over eating have left me in ruins, if I’m honest. I am asked if I am pregnant on a regular basis (I am not). I have pretty much no sex life (tired, kids hardly ever not here, and let’s face it I wouldn’t want to have sex with me).

I have joined a gym. I am so unfit and I hate exercise but my god, I can’t keep doing this. I need to change this. Did my induction and a PT that works there told me about cardio stuff so I can walk on treadmill (I seem to lack the coordination to run on it 🤷🏻‍♀️), bike, cross trainer etc. But I also want to do some weight/strength training but I don’t even know where to begin.

i hear of people who spend hours in the gym and I don’t get it. I do like ten mins on the cross trainer and then I wander aimlessly wondering what to go on next. Too intimidated (by the men and the mirrors) to use the weights when I don’t know what to do with them. I can’t afford a PT.

tried a couple of classes. Couldn’t keep up. Woman at the front screeching at me in the wee microphone. Nope.

can anyone give any tips to a complete and utter beginner (who is hindered by crippling self-loathing and anxiety).

Do you have to gym OP?
Personally I not only hate exercising in public but am also stingy.
I found some free videos online Chloe Ting, Darebee , Fitness Blender. They're designed for small spaces. I bought some cheap weights, a yoga mat and off I went in my tiny apartment.
Other people try running or a new sport.
My friends who gym either like the payment (because it makes them commit) or the classes but you don't like either.

I went at my own pace, didn't complete all the exercises at first but got there eventually. Chloe Ting is especially encouraging. After a few months I was stronger and more flexible. I was going to join a gym once I'd gotten more 'advanced' but never bothered, as this was working so well for me. I plan to do a sport maybe aerial arts or pole dance, maybe boxing instead.

Cancel the membership, have a go at home first, maybe make it a family activity, see how you get on?

BTW it's very liberating to see the change when you exercise at home. It's slow but steady.

Does it need to be the gym?

What about Just Dance? Or learning TikTok dances.

Gyms look like they’re lacking in fun.

Oh I so badly want to love the gym. I want to be like those women who are taut and toned with defined arms and washboard abs.

Also my kids won’t give me peace to exercise in a million years. I could try running I might start couch to 5k. I did it before and it worked well.

@ElliottFromScrubs I've no idea how to gym, but could have written your post.

Just turned 40, 2 kids (13 and 7), have neglected myself since having DS1. Need to lose weight and be fitter, want to lose weight and be fitter, have no idea where to start, what to do, where to find some motivation. I have thought about fitness videos online, but not got round to it yet, I don't really know where to start.

@PingvsPong do you mind me asking how you started off and if you increased the time/frequency of exercise once you got into it? How long did it take to become a habit?

I'm only any good at gin I'm afraid.

Sorry.

Ah I used to be this way about the gym! You need to invest in a PT for a few months. They'll set you some workout plans as well as doing the sessions with you. Then when you go in, you have a plan and know what you're doing. After a while you won't feel intimated anymore!

I found it helped to go at a consistent time and day as you see the same faces and people start smiling and saying hello after a while. That made me feel more comfortable.

Now I love going! And will go any chance I get around working FT and the kids etc, it's my time to get some endorphins going and listen to my music or a podcast. I hate classes and much prefer going and doing my own thing. I still use a PT from time to time who is great and will just set me some workout plans and let me check in with her every week rather than having actual PT sessions, I find it really helpful if I get in a rut.

Me too 😩

Maybe not the gym just yet. But get a Fitbit or something and start with 10000 steps a day (or 8000 if 10 is too much).

Overhaul your diet, you cannot out exercise a bad diet.

Buy a set of dumbbells (aim as heavy as you can manage) and start doing some workouts with them - loads of information online.

If you want a 60 day peloton app trial then let me know and I can send it you
Gains me nothing and cancel on day 59 if you don't want to pay

There's a beginner strength programme, bodyweight ones, loads of walk programmes which are audio, barre (10 min classes you could do anywhere)
The beginner strength programme is really good, I've lifted for years but not for ages and (in the nicest way!) it was too beginner for me so it would be perfect

There's also the gym section which are designed for in the gym, it gives you a workout and a video of each movement with an explanation

Attached some pics

Sounds like you could be at the wrong sort of gym. Do you have a local hotel with a smaller gym and a pool? Somewhere like a Holiday Inn or a Leonardo have them. They’re usually not too busy or full of testosterone riddled men. Swimming is a brilliant exercise that gives a full body workout and rinses out your brain at the same time. A PT should write you out a programme as part of your induction if you want to use the gym, or you can find programmes on YouTube. The best bit about the hotel gyms is that they tend to be quite nice, so it does feel like you’re giving yourself a treat and some self care - and you sound like you could use that more that anything x

Oh and the offer is open to anyone, it's unlimited how many times I can give it out! It's got my name on or I would post it on here

Keep trying a whole variety of different classes until you find one you enjoy. I snuck out a few classes after 10 minutes as they weren’t my cup of tea…… make sure you get a spot near the exit! 😂

It took a bit of trial and error but I found a class at my gym that I completely love - it’s a strength class with lots of dumbbells, kettlebells, body weight exercises - the instructors are lovely and don’t shout at you. I’ve always hated exercising/gyms but I go 4 times a week now and do the same class that I know I really enjoy.

ah I could also have written your post. It makes me feel better that there are others out there. I feel like I am surrounded by skinny mums in active wear. I don’t think any of them go to the gym though I think they just are naturally skinny (and don’t eat much)

Does your gym offer introduction sessions? A lot will give you a session with a personal trainer as an induction to set you up a training plan to follow.

If it’s not included in your membership you should have the option of paying for a session to kick you off, it’ll be worth doing to get you into a flow :)

I wouldn’t worry about keeping up in a class, a good teacher will realise that people need to go at their own pace, find a spot near the back and do what you can.

Or you could do a short course of PT sessions (3-5 sessions) with the specific aim of them setting up a handful of workouts tailored to your goals……. That you can then repeat in the gym yourself.

Echo what’s been said earlier - if you can stretch to a PT at your gym for 6 weeks do. They’ll give you confidence and check your form. They’ll give you a programme which you can then carry on with.
Generally I gym 3 days a week - 10min cardio warm up walking on an incline, then do either legs, pull or push then walk to cool down. have my phone to track what weight I am on and try and lift a bit heavier over time.

What gym do you use? Is there a Pure gym locally? I'm a member and the have an excellent app with weight programs. Also the classes are very varied, ours does womens weightlifting.

Well friends were doing it so I joined in 😄But they started with Kayla Itsines BBG. That was too hard, so I gave up. Cycled around a few videos, finally found Chloe Ting and Fitness Blender which I stuck to.

The 'programs' are split into short videos between 15-30 mins each, I set myself a target of 2 days a week to start with. It was really hard at first but I did as much as I could, stopped if I felt tired, etc. It took about a month to complete a day, and a few more months before it became a habit. I've stopped and re-started over the years but now always get bac

The more you do it the easier it becomes. You get stronger and fitter and that makes you WANT to do more. The issue for me more was the stuff around it, I needed to eat well first and also shower/wash my hair after exercising.

I sound like a shill but I really rate Chloe Ting. We have similar body types (I tried another YT-er called Emmy Wong which many people like , also Blogilates and Paula Yates but I didn't like those).

Chloe is very encouraging, and her exercises have modifications e.g. no jumping/easier versions.

I do wish gyms had a private exercise floor you could use without a PT - then the OP could do this. Machines are also often not suited to women. There's a weightlifter I follow, najah_strength on Instagram and she shows how the machines are difficult to use for shorter people.

I did used to gym when I was younger but only treadmill and rowing machine.

These days I try and do 3 days a week at least 30 mins. When I take up a sport I'll drop that, but I also walk with the family etc and that's exercise too...

Reformer Pilates has changed my whole outlook on exercise I am addicted

Have a look at Lucy Wyndham Reed's youtube channel. Loads on there and no need for the gym. Very easy to get on with, no equipment required and no bullshit.

I've not belonged to a gym for nearly 20 years, they don't do it for me. What DOES work: a PT (who works out of his own gym). I've been seeing him for YEARS. He's provided me the tools to be able to exercise myself anywhere in the world, PLUS he keeps me accountable, and works me harder than I'd ever work myself. I tend to see him fortnightly, he does block booking payments to keep the cost down, so I pay £33 an hour.

Once I was confident in my form, I can now happily do videos at home with dumbbells I've got at home (accumulated over the years). I've liked the Body Coach, Fitness Blender, Caroline Girvan, Sydney Cummings, Peloton (I had a cheap deal for the app for a few years, but prices have gone up, so I've stopped).

I also go to boot camp/circuits classes, you get used to the types of exercise (again, REALLY important to have good form to prevent injury). And yoga because I'm constantly stiff 😂.

Reducing my ultra processed food consumption, intermittent fasting (basically not eating until lunchtime), 30 plants a week and cutting back on sugar has had a great effect on my tummy. Basically listening to/reading Tim Spector and Zoe research.

I know how you feel, but I have decided to just "do" it and get on with it. I don't have time to be embarrassed about trying.

I had my DS write me an arms and a leg day routine, I use YouTube videos to make sure I am doing the exercises correctly. There are loads of great videos which show you how to use specific machines or lift certain types of weights and work specific areas. I also watch people around me and learn a lot from them too.

I go in, do a 10 min cardio warm up, and then do my chosen weight routine, then do additional 20 mins cardio. I usually do the first one on the treadmill, walking and the second on a bike. I want to try the stair machine, but I think I need to be a little fitter.

I often find that there is someone who is wiling to help me when I need advice. I am newly just under 200lbs and trying to tone up and improve my fitness and my health.

I also do a yoga class at the gym at least once a week and have really come to love it.

Good luck

Headphones in listening to audio book or podcast.
30 mins brisk walk at an incline on the treadmill. 20 minutes on the bike, again focusing on resistance not speed.
Then I do 4 sets of 12 reps on a random selection of weights machines. Using the number of weights where I can just about manage those reps but couldn't do more (trial and error needed to work that out).
I do that 3 times a week.
Its not going to make me super fit, I hate the idea of most classes! But I get there, I do it, I quite enjoy the alone time!

DMIL is really into Get Fit with Rick on YouTube - walking/dance-walk videos on the boardwalk from Dubai, might get you started on something regular at home. Lots of the gym brands also have apps with easy to follow programmes too so shouldn’t need a PT.

I turned 40 at the end of last year and used to love going to the gym pre kids. I signed up to one last summer and absolutely love it again. However, if you don't like exercise, the gym will not be the right fit for you. Have you tried classes instead? Something like clubbersize, or even workout videos at home?