Please tell me how to “gym”

[ElliottFromScrubs]

I am 40 this year. I hate almost everything about myself. I have two (gorgeous) children, they are 9 and 5. Two c sections, a nice dose of endometriosis (in my c section scar - so a lot of swelling), a stressful job and some good old fashioned over eating have left me in ruins, if I’m honest. I am asked if I am pregnant on a regular basis (I am not). I have pretty much no sex life (tired, kids hardly ever not here, and let’s face it I wouldn’t want to have sex with me).

I have joined a gym. I am so unfit and I hate exercise but my god, I can’t keep doing this. I need to change this. Did my induction and a PT that works there told me about cardio stuff so I can walk on treadmill (I seem to lack the coordination to run on it 🤷🏻‍♀️), bike, cross trainer etc. But I also want to do some weight/strength training but I don’t even know where to begin.

i hear of people who spend hours in the gym and I don’t get it. I do like ten mins on the cross trainer and then I wander aimlessly wondering what to go on next. Too intimidated (by the men and the mirrors) to use the weights when I don’t know what to do with them. I can’t afford a PT.

tried a couple of classes. Couldn’t keep up. Woman at the front screeching at me in the wee microphone. Nope.

can anyone give any tips to a complete and utter beginner (who is hindered by crippling self-loathing and anxiety).

Book a PT session to go over the weights and get them to put a plan together for you of what you want to work on. Weights will get you toned treadmills will do your cardio (and is boring) I love the weights. Once you have a plan stick your headphones on and focus on what you are doing. Ignore the grunt boys.

@ElliottFromScrubs yes, same, I eat too much and don't move enough. I seem to spend all my free time running around after everyone else and not actually making time for me. I don't want to start exercising at 9.30pm when I've been at work all day, then sorting dinner/reading/spellings/bedtime. Nor do I want to get up at 5am to exercise. But I've got to do something as I feel unattractive and fat.

@PingvsPong thank you - I will have a look into those fitness people. I tried the 30 day shred and never got past stage one, just couldn't keep up.

Aged 40 I was utterly out of shape. Totally messed up neglecting myself after kids, then a year of chemo and radio followed by a year of self pitying comfort eating. This was all underpinned by an exercise history of being the last one picked in team selections at school, making up PE excuses and somehow managing to dodge every cross country session at school ever. I was a total mess.

I started at the gym and was just like you. Overwhelmed, embarrassed, full of self doubt. Instead I took up Pilates and also randomly found a group of local women via Facebook who were looking to find people to train with them to do the Moonwalk. I figured I could probably do some gentle waving my legs and arms about (Pilates) and I could still just about walk so I signed up for both.

8 years on I now I weight train twice a week (am now confident enough to go to the gym), I teach Pilates and still do the Moonwalk annually.

My advice is to look into starting something that doesn't leave you feeling intimidated. Baby steps and see where you get to. Whatever you do, keep going. If it doesn't work for you then try something else.

I started with swimming, 30 minutes. I cycled to the gym and back. Gradually got faster/fitter.

When I got bored I tried every exercise class, and different instructors. Found some I liked and stuck with them.

I do a couple of body conditioning classes per week plus yoga and pilates which all help with core strength. And dance for fun, although I had to shop around a lot to find dance instructors I liked... some are bloody mad shouty super fast, not fun!

Either get a PT to write you a programme or look on line or do it yourself. I used to subscribe to sweat (Kayla Itsines) so I'd go to the gym, to 10-15 min warm up on cardio ie cross trainer or treadmill. Then I'd get some weights. Ie 2 x 5kg dumbells and a 8kg kettlebell and I'd just do one of the sweat workouts so I basically watched my phone and copied. If you don't want to pay for another subscription there's free you tube videos. I know don't gym I just run or do a YouTube work out at home. You just need a plan before you go the gym so you don't feel lost. In Kaylas workouts they're all follow the same format:
28 mins broken down into 7 mins.
So 4 exercises for 7 mins 1 min break
A different 4 exercises for 7 mins
Repeat all of the above.

It's quite a repeatable format to follow so you could just do your own.
Ie
7 mins of
12 squats
12 lunges
12 burpees
12 mountain climbers
Repeat until 7 mins is up

Then
12 bicep curls
12 deadlifts
12 kettle bell swings
12 tricep dips
Repeat until 7 mins is up

Repeat the whole thing.

I found if I had headphones in and was on a mat with all the equipment I needed I wasn't worried what other people thought, I wasn't aimlessly wandering around wondering what to use next.

Hope that helps!

Does your gym do classes?

I am useless at gymming. I have no motivation at all. If left to my own devices I would sit in the cafe and play on my phone.

The only thing that works for me is classes - try a few and see what's the least awful. I find having an instructor, music and a whole classful of people more motivating than being on my own on a treadmill.

I tend to do spin and Pilates

Start on the treadmill and bike, they are easy, and watch the other gym users or ask for a demo from the staff, that’s their job. But if you want to lose weight you need to do more than the gym a few times a week. I always calorie count and find it the best way to lose weight, and easier with family life. Some swaps for normal family meals, smaller portions of more calorific food and fill up on veg / salad etc will mean you don’t have to cook for yourself. I lost 24lbs in 2021-22 doing this, and I increased my steps. I walked around the garden and house if I had to. I also did some free workouts from YouTube, lots for beginners. I would start doing that, and then see if you fancy the gym

We've all been gym newbies. I only started going properly in November as the classes weren't working for me. I was 15st, incredibly unfit and podgy.

I can give you my basic routine if this helps: I do around 50mins, half on weights and half on cardio. 5-6x a week.
I do 25m of weights, started on light weights and slowly increased them when they felt easy.
Dumbells: overhead press, curls, hammer swing, rows, halo.
Kettlebell: Squats, deadlifts.
Lying down with arms on floor but stretched above head, lift Medicine ball to sit ups with Russian twists and some scissor legs.

I then go on the weighted pull up machine, it looks scarier than it is.
Then it's leg press and chest press.

22m cardio:
8m on treadmill, walking starting at high incline and reducing incline and slowly increasing speed every minute.
8m on cross trainer, starting on high power and reducing every minute.
6m on recline bike same as above high power and reduces every minute.

After 50ish mins I'm very sweaty and feel great. I finish with 3mins of stretching on high power on the powerplate machine which helps my muscles and joints for the next day.

I'm over 1.5st down and my body shape has completely changed. I don't bother about anyone else at the gym (unless they are machine hogging), I have my Spotify playlist for the weights and downloaded netflix series for the cardio machines and it flies by.

Good luck, I hope you find what works for you. 🏋️‍♀️ 💪 🏃‍♀️‍➡️

Persevere with the gym, it will get easier.

I would book one of the PT's to write you a weights program you can use, and maybe a session or two to go through it with you if options allow.

There's a YouTuber I watch sometimes who is very good at demystify gym stuff. Here is one of her videos but she has quite a few exercise ones, including those that take you through a whole leg day/ upper body.

OP my tip is to have a bit of an aim when you go. Cardio, legs or arms being the core of each session and then follow it up with a bit of abs.

It’s intimidating to start with. The best is if you can get a friend who knows what they are doing to show you around and how to use things. Or you could ask the staff - you could always push your luck and ask if they can just show you a few things and see if you can get it for free. They should want to help! Imagine they will try to see you PT though.

Are there any beginner classes?

I started off at 40 with Joe Wicks body coach youtube videos, then couch 2 5k, then I joined a crossfit gym where there are classes that are a mix of strength and cardio. Classes are usually 12 people max so it’s a little bit like having a pt for a smallish group. I literally never thought i would lift weights but actually really enjoy it now, even though I’m still lifting really light. I console myself with thoughts of how far I’ve come! No point comparing a 45 year old woman with 3 kids and a full time job to a 20 something with all the time in the world… You just have to find your thing.

From my very occasional trips to the gym when the weather is rubbish for running 10 mins on the cross trainer and then a lot of wandering about is what most people do. Along with a bit of posing in your new gym wear.

But seriously I understand why you need to physically be out of the house so what about Cto5K on the running machine? and for the moment forget about all the other bits.

I think you should try all the classes the gym offers, assuming you’re at least committed for another month. My husband joined a gym in January and he’s gone to every class they offer now. He’s found 3 or 4 he likes and goes to them on rotation. He’s always been active (walking, the odd bike ride, etc) but he hadn’t exercised in a dedicated way since we had children. He is carrying an old shoulder injury and found the weights area intimidating as he’s limited by what he can do. He’s found the classes really good, as they are mostly strength-based but without any macho nonsense. He goes to “virtual spin” for cardio which are pre-recorded instructors on a screen and he finds that motivating too.

I find what he’s doing a bit overwhelming but I completed Couch to 5K in December then joined a women’s-only running club in January. I am completing a beginner course with them (we are up to running 5K as a group now) and then I will be going to club sessions as a graduate. It’s made me so much more confident and the women on my course are all in similar positions - either new to running or returning after a break. It’s made me realise I’m not as rubbish as I thought I was and we’re all in the same boat. I know I need to introduce some strength workouts in time but I’m happy just working on my cardio fitness for now. By the time I’m ready to do that I know I will be able to walk into a gym with a degree of confidence that I will be able to do it. I didn’t have that before I started Couch to 5K.

Persevere while you’ve paid for the month but if it’s not the right thing for you don’t rule out other forms of exercise. Couch to 5K has been life changing for me and opened up opportunities to be fitter and socialise - both of which I really needed.

I couldn't go to an open gym. I do classes. Find a independent one rather than a chain that does strength classes and go from there. Maybe chuck a couple of HIIT. You'll find your people.

You're doing better than me, well done for joining and for going! I hope you get some helpful advice, although I don't have any for you. I joined in Novemeber and I've done 1 yoga class. I feel frozen at the thought of going on the gym floor and not knowing what to do. What's the etiquette? How do you know if you're skipping a queue? How do twh machines work?

I don't want to do classes because I get a bit weird and fainty at the end of a workout/c25k. So well done for the steps you've achieved so far and good luck for your future ones.

I stick to classes because I just get bored if I have to work out by myself.
If I absolutely HAVE to do a gym session alone I make sure I have a good playlist, I plan out what I want to do with weights and make a note on my phone so I can refer and I'll always start with a 1km run or row to warm up.
If you're unsure about weights then it would be worth doing some PT sessions and getting a programme in place to build confidence.
Good luck!

PT sounds like he just gave you the standard intro

That stuff works for
Younger women, but as you hit 40, you gotta lower your cardio to bare minimum if at all and concentrate on weight training as you already have said you'd love to do!

He must have not been listening. I've had a total of 2 intros ever and both were men under 25 telling me to stick to cardio to lose weight

I have also started from zero twice and best thing for me was to go find the kettlebells. Usually tucked away near the weights

I have an app that is prefect to get started as I'm about to embark on getting back to gym once more.

Times I stopped were due to having kids or horrible grieving when my mum died

Start w the lightest kettlebell usually 4-8kg and find a YouTube beginner intro. Keep it simple and quick as you'll ache after any weight training for a day or two. Make sure you have down days, 2 would be good as a beginner where you rest but still move, walking is perfect.

Make sure you have plenty of protein during workout days as muscle needs it to grow

When I'm at the beginning of my journey and feeling my biggest I usually do fast walk on treadmill for 10 mins to get heart rate up, the skill off to a corner with a couple of kettlebells and do my workout

Left alone in peace and not lifting weights in the middle of the room until I get my confidence

You can do it!

Weight training is the way to go for women over 40 for building strength, help against bone density loss post menopause and losing weight

Remember that you have as much right to be there as anyone else in the gym and that you all pay the same membership.

Also everyone felt like you at some point. I’ve been going for years and still get the fear sometimes, now I just put on an upbeat song and lift heavier.

Saying all that I would start with diet rather than exercise. Next I would tackle steps.

Tell your husband to take the kids out for an hour! Then you can workout at home until you’re feeling more confident

Could you book just one Pt session to learn the basics and create a start up routine then go from there?

I absolutely hate the gym floor. Bores me to tears, it's full of testosterone and too repetetive!

But I LOVE LOVE LOVE the classes at the gym!

I do different yoga classes for stretching, balance and posture and at age 47, I really benefit from that!

And I've also started doing body combat again after doing it loads in my 20s and early 30s. I love the music and the energy and how different and fun it is! It sets me up for the day.

Give classes a go! Have fun

Just try the classes, hide at the back and keep going.

I'm now one of the ones at the front, and work bloody hard. But I wasn't always like that, it's taken me years to get to that.

The other thing is that you think everyone is watching you. I can assure you no-one is, we're all too busy doing our own workouts to watch anyone else.

Good luck OP.

I joined a gym in December. Fortunately there are a lot of classes I like such as zumba, yoga and pilates. But as a woman of advancing years I wanted to do weight training. I asked for a gym induction which was great and it was all written on a card, however the next time I went I couldn't remember which machine was which and how to set them up. I felt like a proper twit but asked them to show me it all again. The staff couldn't have been more helpful. I have to say I can already see the benefits and psychological or not, I feel stronger.
The key to any exercise though is that you enjoy it. If you like dancing then I highly recommend Fitsteps which is based on Strictly, it's great fun

i used to go the gym OP. I went with a friend.

we downloaded an app, which had exercises in it and for how long. It was basically a program to complete. It worked well, but then we stopped going can’t recall why. I think it was MyFitnessPal

after that I joined a martial arts club. I train 3 nights a week, and now I would consider myself pretty fit. I could still do with losing a few kg and even though I do have rock hard abs they are covered with a layer of fat that’s seemly never leaving.

I love it there, I have made lots of friends, I am way more confident when I am out. (Have completed my first Dan black belt recently).

My gym does a free half hour PT session. I don't actually think it's any good and I still waft around aimlessly, but it might be a start?
I do a lot of classes. I know you said you've tried, but the screeching makes sense after a few goes. It's now become my lifeline, a great Sufism interaction and I've got some great friends that I've made.
It makes a sometimes lonely life a bit more bearable. And I really do enjoy it