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Bittersweet inheritance and jealous friend.

72 replies

Proudwomantoday · 22/02/2024 19:07

A couple of weeks ago I received a lot of money from my mums estate.
Mum had been ill for a few years before and at the end I wanted her to die,
She couldn't speak, walk, eat properly, double incontinent weighed less than 5 stone.
This friend new what I had gone through caring for mum.
I'm an only child and dad died in 2001.
Mum had a nice house which has now been sold.
Friend saw that the house was sold and asked outright what I'm going
to be doing with all that money I ignored the question. There was more money than the house.
Last night a few of us friends got together for a meal and a catch-up.
Everyone else was lovely but this one friend kept bugging me on what I ordered.
We all put in the same amount.
I ordered a small fish and chips - with your money you could get a large.
I was driving so had a lemonade and lime - you could buy a bottle of wine or even champagne.
Talking to another person about my new blouse - with your money you could shop in a better place.
I was waiting for her to say I should pay the whole bill.
Today the friend I was talking to about the blouse phoned me to check I was OK as she noticed what the other person was doing.
I don't want to fall out with her does she not realise I'd prefer to have mum back in full health than get this money.
Sorry this is so long and thank you for reading.

OP posts:
mynameiscalypso · 22/02/2024 19:10

That's such bizarre behaviour. Some people are just so thoughtless and self-centred. I don't think I'd bother with her again.

I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers

DisforDarkChocolate · 22/02/2024 19:11

She's no friend and I'm very sorry for your loss.

Luckydog7 · 22/02/2024 19:14

Well it seems you have discovered both a good friend and a bad friend. It's insensitive and rude of her and I would maybe avoid her if you can. It's possible that it's just a personality thing, some people struggle with death.

I suspect she is both very nosy and potentially a bit envious but obviously without the emotional attachment to your mum all she sees is the cash.

If you don't want to avoid her, I would practice a couple of snappy come back to shut her down in future.

'My mother died you know, stop going on about her money'

BranchGold · 22/02/2024 19:14

gosh, that’s very bitchy behaviour from her.

I think I’d be cooling any kind of friendship with this woman.

Yepidid · 22/02/2024 19:14

Oh god that's horrible. I also lost my dad in 2001 and the idea of loosing my mum is something I am dreading.
I am sorry about your mum. Your "friend " is an awful person who I assume has never lost a parent
Most normal people wouldn't behave like that.
Please ignore and avoid her.
Take care of yourself x

CatherinedeBourgh · 22/02/2024 19:14

So sorry for your loss.

I would not be afraid to say 'all the money in the world won't buy me back my parents'.

Put things in perspective for her. She shouldn't need it, but she clearly does.

Tilleuil · 22/02/2024 19:16

I would tackle her head on next time.
’Do you realise how insensitive you’re being? My mother has died, I no longer have any parents. Stop quizzing me about my money.’

coldcallerbaiter · 22/02/2024 19:19

Has she asked you the amount? That’s what someone did to me when my dad died. I thought it was rude, so I told her quadruple, her face was a picture and she tried to talk but no sound came out

Lightnose · 22/02/2024 19:20

Is it possible she's excited for you? Ohhh you'll be able to have the best of everything...

Owlcat42 · 22/02/2024 19:20

I’m so sorry OP. I would call her out on this in front of your other friends the next time you see her if she carries on. For instance say, without it being in an angry way, I don’t care about expensive clothes and champagne, I’d rather have my mum back.

If she keeps doing it or reacts badly I would take a step back from that particular friendship. You’ve clearly got other friends who are kind and supportive. You don’t need one who is resentful or is going to try and take advantage of your situation

mynameiscalypso · 22/02/2024 19:21

Lightnose · 22/02/2024 19:20

Is it possible she's excited for you? Ohhh you'll be able to have the best of everything...

It's not that exciting to have your mum die.

OhmygodDont · 22/02/2024 19:21

She’s either an insensitive nosey bitch or she’s an insensitive bitch waiting to get her begging cap out once she finds how much is “reasonable” to ask to “borrow”

Roselilly36 · 22/02/2024 19:22

I am so sorry for your loss, she isn’t a friend OP, no friend would be so cruel in these circumstances.

QuiltedHippo · 22/02/2024 19:26

"X have no idea about the details or intricaties of my mum's estate so it's weird you keep going on about it, especially while I'm grieving"
Let her think it went on debt or to the cats home, nosy cow.

Proudwomantoday · 22/02/2024 19:27

Funny enough she lost her dad similar time to when I lost mine.
Her mum is still going strong. I don't know or care if her mum
will leave her any money. She had 2 brothers so has other family.
I only have dh, 2 children and mums sister who was childless.

OP posts:
Riverlee · 22/02/2024 19:32

Sorry for your loss.

That is weird behaviour from your friend. For your other friend to have noticed her behaviour, it was obviously out of order. One comment, you could excuse as a foot-in-mouth, speaking without thinking blunder, but several comments.

ToHellBackAndBeyond · 22/02/2024 19:35

So sorry for your loss 💐

Combinedvakue · 22/02/2024 19:37

Lightnose · 22/02/2024 19:20

Is it possible she's excited for you? Ohhh you'll be able to have the best of everything...

Excited? Her mums just died...

JacobElordisBathWater · 22/02/2024 19:37

I think you’re going to very pointedly tell her you’d prefer to have your mum. Embarrass her into realising that she’s saying. It’s the only way to deal with thick people.

My husband lost his last parent a while ago in the most horrendous situation imaginable. The impact it’s had on our life has been horrific (death was subject to newspaper articles and tv/radio coverage, it was a violent death and so identifying the body and dealing with the inquest was traumatic, the legal and insurance implications have been difficult and our life is now dictated by solicitors). DH is an only child. At the funeral I had someone actually tell me they were jealous.

SushiMayo · 22/02/2024 19:38

In all honesty I'm amazed you didn't just burst into tears. I'm so sorry. At least your other friend realised and spoke to you after

Gowlett · 22/02/2024 19:39

Terrible. My best friend went through an awful time when her dad was unwell, quite a long time. She looked after him. Getting the house / money was very much deserved.

Changingplace · 22/02/2024 19:41

I’m so sorry for your loss, your ‘friend’ is awful! I would have a reply ready for her if you see her again, ‘I’d much rather have my mum here & in good health than fancy clothes or champagne thank you’

Gentlydoesit2 · 22/02/2024 19:42

I'm sorry for your loss. I recieved a large sum when my Dad died a few years back and I really struggled with my DH "spending" it all...oh we can do this, that, the other etc. Many arguments in which I said I would rather have my dad than his stupid money. Be honest and forthright with your "friend" and if she doesn't respect you and keep quiet then she isn't a friend you need in your life. Ps.... Don't tell anyone else. Money makes people weird. Good luck

Changingplace · 22/02/2024 19:42

JacobElordisBathWater · 22/02/2024 19:37

I think you’re going to very pointedly tell her you’d prefer to have your mum. Embarrass her into realising that she’s saying. It’s the only way to deal with thick people.

My husband lost his last parent a while ago in the most horrendous situation imaginable. The impact it’s had on our life has been horrific (death was subject to newspaper articles and tv/radio coverage, it was a violent death and so identifying the body and dealing with the inquest was traumatic, the legal and insurance implications have been difficult and our life is now dictated by solicitors). DH is an only child. At the funeral I had someone actually tell me they were jealous.

What on earth are people thinking? I’m so sorry for your loss and for how insensitive people are :(

Pedallleur · 22/02/2024 19:43

OhmygodDont · 22/02/2024 19:21

She’s either an insensitive nosey bitch or she’s an insensitive bitch waiting to get her begging cap out once she finds how much is “reasonable” to ask to “borrow”

It will be the 'loan' question and sooner than you think. Or a holiday you can both go on.