Bittersweet inheritance and jealous friend.

[Proudwomantoday]

A couple of weeks ago I received a lot of money from my mums estate.
Mum had been ill for a few years before and at the end I wanted her to die,
She couldn't speak, walk, eat properly, double incontinent weighed less than 5 stone.
This friend new what I had gone through caring for mum.
I'm an only child and dad died in 2001.
Mum had a nice house which has now been sold.
Friend saw that the house was sold and asked outright what I'm going
to be doing with all that money I ignored the question. There was more money than the house.
Last night a few of us friends got together for a meal and a catch-up.
Everyone else was lovely but this one friend kept bugging me on what I ordered.
We all put in the same amount.
I ordered a small fish and chips - with your money you could get a large.
I was driving so had a lemonade and lime - you could buy a bottle of wine or even champagne.
Talking to another person about my new blouse - with your money you could shop in a better place.
I was waiting for her to say I should pay the whole bill.
Today the friend I was talking to about the blouse phoned me to check I was OK as she noticed what the other person was doing.
I don't want to fall out with her does she not realise I'd prefer to have mum back in full health than get this money.
Sorry this is so long and thank you for reading.

Oh dear. She seems almost obsessed with the money, like she can’t fathom why you’re not spending it and clearly hopes it will trickle out to include her.

I can picture BIL doing the same thing. He grew up very poor, wasn’t taught to think of other’s experiences and is very much about his own survival I think. If I ever came into money I’d have to play it right down around him.

If she’s generally been a good friend, perhaps someone could point out to her how insensitive she’s coming across and she can learn from it.

Yes!

I'd have been so rude to her! I'd have gone on an absolute rant about 'How DARE you keep going on about money when I've just lost my Mum? What the FUCK is wrong with you? Are you actually aware what you sound like? It's utterly disgusting behaviour!'

Similar. DH's father died in very distressing circumstances. (At our house through an accident).

The person I thought was my closest friend when she heard said;' How much are you in for?'.

I was pretty shocked. Then over some months she distanced herself but every now and then asked if 'probate is through yet?' which i batted away.

We'd been friends 16 years at that point. I kept saying probate wasn't waiting to see what she would say- sure enough after a while she asked for a helping hand.

We don't talk now.

Sorry for your loss. She's not your friend.

Classic case of jealousy op! She’s no friend I’m afraid. Next time she makes a jibe I’d tell her straight “I’d rather have my mum back than this money you do realise that?” That’ll soon shut her up!

That's awful behaviour for her. There is no excuse for making those comments, it sounds like pure jealousy and it takes a certain type of person to be jealous of someone's inheritance when they know you have lost both your parents and have no siblings.

Hate people like this, tell her nothing

I'm so sorry for your loss OP, and to others on this thread.

As others have said, money brings the worst out in some people. I had to cut contact with someone who was one of my oldest friends last year. After the sale of my late mum's house went through, I got the endless 'hints' about the amounts of work her house desperately needed but she couldn't afford it, how she was really struggling to afford to get her car repaired, "wondering" about if/when she'd ever be able to afford a holiday etc etc.

It made me really sad, to be honest.

If she does that again in company allow your anger to show. I’d say something like “Any chance you could stop referencing my dead mum’s money? In case you’re wondering, I won’t be buying you so much as a bag of crisps in the foreseeable future and the rest is my business.”

She’s fucking awful.

Im sorry for your loss. Your friend sounds very insensitive. Id try to keep away from her for a bit.

Op I feel for you. My mums house sale has just gone through and I can't bare to touch that money. My mum shouldn't have died.

I'm DMs executor and have had several relatives contact me after she passed casually asking about her house and whether probate has been granted yet. Old friends of 20 years have been dropping heavy hints about needing a new car, or the work needing to be done on their house and how on earth will they afford it "pointed look at me". Their comments have cut me to the quick and more sadly make me reevaluate who my friends are. Like you I'd rather have my DM back as I feel absolutely bereft without her.

I had a friend Jen who said of another friend Sue who'd lost both her parents and invested her inheritance wisely "Sue has been lucky".

It was the beginning of the end of my friendship with Jen.

Wellies, obviously it's misguided, but maybe seeing the possibilities rather than being jealous

We had something similar

When we lost darling fil,dp was still technically married but separated from his ex wife (thankfully,he's now divorced) and was dating me

Dp rang his dds to let them know grandad had died and he'd no sooner put the phone down when it rang again

It was ex wife-first words out of her mouth was 'how much has he left you?half is mine'

He'd been dead less than an hour at this point

He left everything to his wife and we got nothing (rightfully)

I'd give up everything to have a few precious hours with fil-she saw ££££££

Money brings out the greed in some people-its only a matter of time before she asks for a 'loan'

I'm of the age when a lot of my friends parents are dying, and whilst I might wonder idly about any inheritance, I'd never ask!
On a similar theme, my friend received a very large sum due to compensation for a medical issue. I know how much it is as she told me, but when we meet up on our regular lunches we take it in turns to pay, as we've done for years. I wouldn't expect her to pay every time, or order the most expensive thing on the menu when it's her turn to pay. We have an arrangement that whoever is paying picks where we go for lunch, sometimes it's Wetherspoons, sometimes it's the garden centre cafe. She'd rather not have the money and things be normal but it isn't. She's my friend, I'm not friends with her because of her money.
Sorry about your mum x

@Lightnose if the friend was really excited, she wouldn’t make comments such as ‘you could shop somewhere better’ which is a put down rather than a ‘oh I’m exciting fur you’.
The other friend who contacted the OP understood it the sane way so it’s not the OP being misguided either.

@Proudwomantoday i think one if the first posters has it right.

Youve lost a friend but have gained another good one.

I wouldn’t try and avoid a fall out etc… this woman is simply not nice and totally out of line and rude. With friends like that, you dint need ennemies really.

Id avoid her as much as I can really.

OP you have been through a tough time emotionally and understandbly money is the last thing on your mind.

Stay away from her until you have forgotten all about it. She is hyperfocused on money to the point where she has forgotten her basic empathy, that is her problem not yours.

If you are around her again and she goes on, feel free to full on burst into tears and let others admonish her.

That’s really nasty of her.

You need to think of some comebacks beforehand so you are ready for when she brings it up again.

I think something along the lines of … well I’d rather have no money and have my mum still here, type thing.

If she carries on you will have to ask her to stop and explain how incredibly rude she’s being.

Sorry for your loss, OP. It sounds like a difficult last few years.
I'm not gobsmacked about people being jealous, that is just people. I am gobsmacked about all the people who have been asked / approached / hinted at for a gift by Friends. I've got friends and relations who are richer than me and others who are poorer than me, but I can't envisage the poor ones ever tapping the rich ones for money. I've known people ask parents and I can conceive of helping out siblings, but fully grown adults asking friends for money just doesn't register. All the rich families have their own financial obligations and paying for someone else's renovation or new car doesn't feature in that.

I lost my mum a few years ago. I inherited a 7-figure sum. I didn't tell anyone outside the family, but the community know we have assets based on the family business and type of property we live in. I would gladly give it back to have her back, and would feel very bad about wasting the money on non-essential items. I have lost friends over the money. I haven't spent it on anything but building the family business or funding education for my kids. No flash cars or round the world trips. I have lost a relationship over the money. He proposed after he knew I was coming into money, and showed no interest in marriage beforehand. I declined and ended the relationship as I didn't trust him anymore. I have lost friends and acquaintances over this. My neighbour is blistering with jealousy and makes catty remarks.

Very sorry for your loss. I know it is not an easy time. Next time your fake friend makes a dig, reply that you don't wish to indulge in respect of your mother and how hard she worked for the money. That should deflate her ego a little bit. Some people are wild jealous about others assets, and it seems to eat them alive. I had one work colleague tell me that I should feel guilty to have come into property when there are so many homeless people about, and should give it away to housing charities. My mother's last wishes were for the family business to continue, her grandchildren to be provided for and her children to use her money wisely on investments. What gives anyone else the right to suggest what happens to inheritance.

You're joking right? Having someone die is never "exciting".

I am sorry for your loss

She sounds like a rubbish friend and I would be distancing myself from her