*trigger warning* Toddler fallen into river in Leicester

[NoEffingWay]

DS is not so little anymore but this story made me hold him a little bit tighter tonight. I feel so sorry for his family, just hoping he is found soon.

Leicester: Police recover CCTV in search for missing two-year-old boy www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leicestershire-68343938

@Goateen - I don’t have any sort of issue with reins. They can be really useful (if your child tolerates them - many won’t!) and the backpack ones are adorable. I wish ds had liked the ones we got for him!

What does concern me a little bit is that they are pushed on here sometimes not to keep a child from stepping into a road or keeping them safe in a busy place (which I’d say are sensible uses of reins) but to actually physically force compliance. There was a post a couple of months ago I was pretty shocked at where a poster wanted advice for getting her child to sit at the dinner table and someone suggested reins. Then I’ve seen posts about a child trying to wander off through a door at a toddler group and people telling her to use reins. It could just be me but I’ve never seen reins used indoors like that.

I also think that as useful as they can be for non hand holders, holding hands is a far better skill to teach if you can. Because there is a bit of an age limit to reins and I do think use of them after about four would be a bit strange.

I don’t see reins used much in real life. The odd just toddling toddler with them, but not a lot. Yet child mortality through accidents (and in every other respect) has massively reduced since the 70s/80s, when reins were more of a ‘thing.’

My eldest was a ‘runner’. He refused to have reins - literally sat on the ground refusing to move when we tried to use them.

I remember dressing him in a neon yellow hoodie at the age of two when we travelled as he liked to run off in airports whilst I was juggling his baby brother a buggy, luggage and car seats. I regularly went home on my own before he started school.

My other two never ran off so it’s not about the parents or levels of control, it’s basically the child. Even strapping him in the buggy didn’t FA as he fought hard to free himself.

If your a parent to a runner, you know what it’s like to turn around and see your child bolting across restaurants, running out of churches during christenings, crossing streets before you mange to hold his hand.

We don’t know the exact circumstances of this incident, but as a parent I have moments that I still relive now, 15 years later, where I know things could have turned out much differently.

I agree. It reminds me of the little boy in Florida, Disney World. Parents let him play in a swap at twilight and he was snatched by an alligator. So awful yet so preventable.

It’s such a sad story and no judgement from me. Accidents happen and I’m sure no-one is beating themselves up anymore than the parents. I do hope they are able to bring their boy home soon to be laid to rest.

i used reins for all 3 of mine. I know some parents (including my brother and SIL) say their children don’t like them, but mine had no choice or in the pushchair. Again no judgment and we know zero facts on this. It’s just so sad and seeing a photo of that gorgeous boy saddens me so much. My thoughts are very much with the family and I hope they are avoiding negative media as there’s a fair amount of judgement circulating

My two are nearly 8 and nearly 6 and can swim (well, the 5-year-old not yet proficiently) and I still get so freaked out when walking next to water... If they insist on getting close, I still make sure I hold on to them. They don't always like it but then I remind them of when we saw a small child fall into a lake (luckily managed to be fished out by his grandad).

How can you be so horrible? Those people have just experienced one of the worst things that can happen to a parent.

Accidents can happen to the most careful of parents.

Op wasn't 'horrible'

Some of the replies absolutely have been awful. Put yourself in those parents shoes for a second and think about how they just be feeling.

Do you think they need to read how they should have used reins, or questions why they let their child get away from them?

If people want to discuss reins then maybe a seperate thread on the subject?

Two of my kids just walked out my house as toddlers. We live on a Aroad. I feel sick just thinking about it. Their grandad watched them.walking towards the A road on cctv and did nothing. Belive me I didn't want it too happen. But one mistake one day in split second and luck doesn't shine on you. It happens

I think most parents have had close calls, I certainly have. Once my DS took a tumble head first into the road, thankfully there wasn’t a car coming.

To those questioning why would anyone walk along a flooded canal, there is a bridge over the canal leading to the car park and it is said that is where the accident happened. Please stop questioning the parenting, I think most people are reluctant to understand this is an accident and no one is to blame as that means it can happen to anyone including yourself.

"Asking questions means mistakes may not be made in the future."
Fuck me. What sort of answer would you expect to get? "Well, you know, we like to live life on the edge. Bit of a bummer that it ended the way it did but there we go..." Their grief doesn't need to be hijacked and made into a public safety announcement - it was a tragic accident with an unimaginably sad outcome.

It just takes a split second and something can go awry.

Their grief doesn't need to be hijacked and made into a public safety announcement louder for those at the back

The south side of Leicester has been flooded constantly from October every time there has been a period of rain. Areas have been virtually cut off due to the weather to give you some ideas of the river levels.

Tragically a young child who was being supervised has come to harm. Young children will bolt and can be quicker than you. A slip on a bit of mud. It’s there by the grace of god it’s not any of us.

Exactly this.

And then the wide-eyed, faux innocent “but I wasn’t judging, I just want to prevent it happening again”. It’s been 4 days, have some respect.

The thing that worries me about reins is the same as worries me about dogs on leads- that is that the thing at the end of the rope (for want of a better word) can be out of the parents/owners reach.

So yesterday I was driving down a fairly wide road with a crossing island in the middle- a man was crossing with his dog on a lead, but by the time the man had reached the crossing island the dog had already crossed it and was standing in my lane of traffic (it was a normal lead, not a long training lead).

Ive seen the same with kids on reins, I think it gives a false sense of security- parents know they have hold of the child on the reins, but forget that the child can actually get off the curb/over the edge or whatever by any amount up to the length of the rope.

My DD age 3 / 4 nearly drowned in the sea

We were sitting on the beach in an area with groynes on each side

The water was very shallow going into the sea

DD however hopped up onto the groyne and slipped into the sea but on the other side of the groyne so not the beach part we were in

Suffice it to say the water was much much deeper and she fell in but dropped right under and starting sinking like a stone

We luckily had seen her, but had been talking so could have easily missed her for that split vital second

We both got up and sprinted to scoop her out. DH was faster and scooped her out

It was terrifying actually as to how unexpected and quickly it happened

These threads are always horrible, all the wide-eyed faux concern which is actually parent blaming

Just be glad it’s not you and you haven’t been accused of causing your own child’s death by some busy bodies online

DS was a runner and I'd went out and bout lots of brightly coloured t shirts

I remember him getting away once and seeing a flash of bright yellow between the trees in the park so knew instantly which way he'd gone

I had a lot of scary heart stopping moments with my 2 because you just can not plan on everything

It takes 1 second. Just one. People like to think ‘this would never happen to me/my child’ but the awful truth is it could, it genuinely could. Most people I know with children have had at least one very close call with them. If you haven’t then that’s amazing but it’s chance.

@momonpurpose

Re your PP

'I agree. It reminds me of the little boy in Florida, Disney World. Parents let him play in a swap at twilight and he was snatched by an alligator. So awful yet so preventable'

I was thinking this too re the alligator eek plus we don't have accidental gun deaths so that's something to be thankful for

But I think the preventable part is wrong

They just weren't used to being in an alligator rich area

That isn’t what happened.

The parents allowed him to play on the man made sandy beach directly outside their hotel, like I’ve seen hundreds of kids do over the years. Not a swamp. Many Disney properties are water front.

The parents just didn’t think the alligator risk was real, because the beaches at the time were lined with play equipment, hammocks, and chairs - movies were screened nightly on the beach. And also presumably because they were trapped in the Disney bubble…

When we went back shortly after, the beaches were being fenced off. And I’m not surprised. Driving back to another Disney waterfront hotel on another trip, there were regularly 4-6 alligators by the bridge on approach.