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Original poster

Should I pick GS up from school.

82 replies

Shamefullhouse · 19/02/2024 10:33

Gs and my 2 youngest go to the same school. Only difference is mine come out of school 10 mins later . Meaning dd gets on the bus before me. So we don't travel home together. She is on the same bus route as me but she lives 8 mins further on.

Anyway GS has autism. And dd has bipolar. Gs gets extremely upset and stressed on the bus. Things can trigger him like somone standing on the bus or school children. Sometimes after being at school etc it'd just to much for him. He will scream shout say awful things. Spit , kick hit, make threats etc. Dd can't manage this very well she gets very upset and stressed. And within the upset she will shout at him or tell him she's taking his taking is tablet away. Or tells him your behaviour is disgusting. Sometimes it sounds like 2 teenagers. Sometimes she snaps at stuff she does not Need to. I'm not sure if her reactions are due to the bipolar ? She has had adults making comments about how GS is but also how dd is towards him. Dd will snap at comments from adults as well . And before you know it there's adults arguing infront of GS and the whole situation is a madness . DD has had threats etc .

I just wanted to add at this point I'm awear that above I said I don't travel with dd as she gets the bus before me. But I have travelled with her on the bus a good handful of times. So I'm awear she reacts to things in a way she does not Need to.

Dd will often phone or message me ranting or crying and very stressed telling me she can't cope it's very hard to tell when there is something truly going on. As things are not always as they seem with dd. She would say things like GS has played up all the way home when infact it was just 2 stops . Or someone said "sort your kid out " and she tells me how people were abusive to her. Then within 20 mins she's posting joking happy stuff on social media. So then im thinking is it really that bad. Or again is this a bipolar thing ?

So im thinking should I get GS from school for her ? And he can come on the bus with me and my 2. But I would get her to meet me at my bus stop . So she would have to travel with him for around 8 mins.

The reason I have not offered this before was because I already do quite a bit for her. And I wanted her to see that sometimes she has to do stuff herself and manage the hard bits to.

OP posts:
maudelovesharold · 19/02/2024 10:42

Can’t your dd and gs wait for you and all get the bus together? Your gs would have to wait with you anyway, presumably, if you were picking him up? It might make her feel she has some support on a difficult bus journey.

Original poster
Shamefullhouse · 19/02/2024 10:53

maudelovesharold · 19/02/2024 10:42

Can’t your dd and gs wait for you and all get the bus together? Your gs would have to wait with you anyway, presumably, if you were picking him up? It might make her feel she has some support on a difficult bus journey.

No, I don't want dd with me she stresses me out . It's OK when it's just me and her but it's a madness when the kids are with us . Plus she's got baby with her so it would saves trying to get on a bus that has buggy space.

OP posts:
NCForQuestions · 19/02/2024 10:56

Has she had parenting classes offered? It sounds like she's struggling and could do with long term advice and guidance as a mum parenting an autistic child, plus her own MH may make life more complex for her. Social Services can assist with that.

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Original poster
Shamefullhouse · 19/02/2024 11:02

Shes had quite a bit of support from professionals . She's done NVRA and other courses. I think everything gos to pot when she's in public. I know they are looking to change her meds . Maybe that will help.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shamefullhouse · 19/02/2024 12:01

I'm thinking I might give it a week trail . See if dd meets me at the bus stop close to my home. See if it settles things a bit . I might not mention it today though.

OP posts:
Jonnycakes · 19/02/2024 12:09

My first thought is would you be able to manage your gs and your 2 younger children all together. That’s a lot to manage if your gs gets overwhelmed and starts to lash out. Could she walk the last 2 stops from your bus stop to her house with your gs? Meaning she doesn’t have to get on the bus with him at all?

LittleMissSleepyUK · 19/02/2024 12:12

How far is the school from where you live?

Soontobe60 · 19/02/2024 12:16

Does your GS have an EHCP? If so, I would ask the school to support an application for transport as his needs are so high.

Original poster
Shamefullhouse · 19/02/2024 12:20

Jonnycakes · 19/02/2024 12:09

My first thought is would you be able to manage your gs and your 2 younger children all together. That’s a lot to manage if your gs gets overwhelmed and starts to lash out. Could she walk the last 2 stops from your bus stop to her house with your gs? Meaning she doesn’t have to get on the bus with him at all?

I can manage gs and my 2 on the bus. Once I get to my local bus stop. Dd can either choose to get a bus for the 8 mins or walk home . I should think she would bus though. Otherwise its about a 30 min walk with gs and she will probably want to get him home.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shamefullhouse · 19/02/2024 12:22

LittleMissSleepyUK · 19/02/2024 12:12

How far is the school from where you live?

Around 45 min by public transport.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shamefullhouse · 19/02/2024 12:23

Soontobe60 · 19/02/2024 12:16

Does your GS have an EHCP? If so, I would ask the school to support an application for transport as his needs are so high.

He does not. That's going to take a while

OP posts:
VelvetandLace · 19/02/2024 12:34

Is it possible your DD also has autism? Not that it makes any difference to what you are offering.

Original poster
Shamefullhouse · 19/02/2024 12:46

VelvetandLace · 19/02/2024 12:34

Is it possible your DD also has autism? Not that it makes any difference to what you are offering.

Possibly.

OP posts:
EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 19/02/2024 13:23

Does he have his tablet with him on the bus? If he doesn't and he finds tablet calming I'd be doing headphones on, then onto tablet as soon after he gets out of school as possible. My DS finds a tablet helps him shut out the world in places like buses and shopping malls which are loud and crowded or when he's overwhelmed. I know some Autistic childen go the opposite way, but screens work for my DS along with chewing gum. noise cancelling headphones and hiding under a big coat with said tablet. Sorry the mention of a tablet in your post made me go off at a tangent.

There's a lot to balance and the change itself or the extra time at school might be harder for him. Is it quite/busy/noisy in that time frame? It could take a while to see if its helping as changes in and off themselves can be problematic. What about if he starts hitting out? That can be made much harder with other children to look after, not so much maybe if they're older and you can just focus on DGS. I would need to trial a change for much longer than a week as he'd need time to adjust to the change itself and for it to become routine to know if it was working.
It does sound like the current set up isn't great for DD or DGS and they could both do with something changing, them not having to interact for so long in that environment might have a positive impact on their relationship.

FloofyBird · 19/02/2024 13:41

If gs can't cope with transport he may be entitled to Sen transport of the council. Worth looking into

FloofyBird · 19/02/2024 13:42

Soontobe60 · 19/02/2024 12:16

Does your GS have an EHCP? If so, I would ask the school to support an application for transport as his needs are so high.

Just to add you don't need an EHCP to access send transport

Original poster
Shamefullhouse · 19/02/2024 14:02

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 19/02/2024 13:23

Does he have his tablet with him on the bus? If he doesn't and he finds tablet calming I'd be doing headphones on, then onto tablet as soon after he gets out of school as possible. My DS finds a tablet helps him shut out the world in places like buses and shopping malls which are loud and crowded or when he's overwhelmed. I know some Autistic childen go the opposite way, but screens work for my DS along with chewing gum. noise cancelling headphones and hiding under a big coat with said tablet. Sorry the mention of a tablet in your post made me go off at a tangent.

There's a lot to balance and the change itself or the extra time at school might be harder for him. Is it quite/busy/noisy in that time frame? It could take a while to see if its helping as changes in and off themselves can be problematic. What about if he starts hitting out? That can be made much harder with other children to look after, not so much maybe if they're older and you can just focus on DGS. I would need to trial a change for much longer than a week as he'd need time to adjust to the change itself and for it to become routine to know if it was working.
It does sound like the current set up isn't great for DD or DGS and they could both do with something changing, them not having to interact for so long in that environment might have a positive impact on their relationship.

Thank you all tue Tablet , ear defenders , or head phone for tablet. Blanket to hide etc etc. The reason for trying it for a week is I don't want dd to take the piss . That sounds bad bluntly but I feel like she needs to stick to her side of things.

Work Gs kicking of and me having my kids . Gs does not overly kick of when he's he's with me. He does a bit. But is calms quicker because we have different ways and I don't struggle like dd does

OP posts:
SearchingForSolitude · 19/02/2024 14:26

Has DD applied for school transport and appealed if refused? You don’t need an EHCP. Has DD looked at an SN buggy?

Original poster
Shamefullhouse · 19/02/2024 14:37

SearchingForSolitude · 19/02/2024 14:26

Has DD applied for school transport and appealed if refused? You don’t need an EHCP. Has DD looked at an SN buggy?

Problem is dd won't /can't fight for anything. She does not follow anything though. It's like everything is a fight. She has baby in buggy sp she can't push SEN buggy . She can't use carrier/sling for baby

OP posts:
CoutureBakes · 19/02/2024 14:37

She should try applying for school transport, this could also be in the form of a funded taxi.
Or you could apply on her behalf, it should just be an online form and then a letter from a medical professional (diagnosis letter could work) and a letter from the school to back it up.

Sherrystrull · 19/02/2024 14:39

If you travelled together could you put the baby in a sling and your dd use a buggy for her son?

CoutureBakes · 19/02/2024 14:40

Forgot to say it's worth mentioning her issues and the fact that she also has a baby travelling with them

Original poster
Shamefullhouse · 19/02/2024 14:44

Sherrystrull · 19/02/2024 14:39

If you travelled together could you put the baby in a sling and your dd use a buggy for her son?

That does not work . Because I get of the bus before she would .

OP posts:
Original poster
Shamefullhouse · 19/02/2024 14:45

CoutureBakes · 19/02/2024 14:40

Forgot to say it's worth mentioning her issues and the fact that she also has a baby travelling with them

I'm gonna look unto yoir suggestions in a bit . School have not always been all that good. I will look anyway

OP posts:
SearchingForSolitude · 19/02/2024 14:50

You could help DD push for transport. As could other professionals involved if you or DD asked them to.

DD could look at a double buggy.