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Original poster

Anyone else's teen like this? Doing very little...

53 replies

smearymirror · 17/02/2024 08:13

DD is 15 (16 this year) and is a good girl, kind and has never really been any trouble. I would say she can lack confidence though.

But she doesn't seem to have any interests and has just spend the entire week indoors, seemingly mostly in her PJs and watching things on her laptop. I've tried to encourage her meet with friends (she does have friends) but she wasn't at all interested and just wants to be in. She's like this most weekends too and will only occassionally go out. Her main 'hobby' seems to be relaxing. She is also revising for GCSEs but has been like this for years pre Y11.

IS anyone elses teen like this? And has it been a stage? I worry about her although she seems very happy.

TIA

OP posts:

ilovebreadsauce · 17/02/2024 08:14

No I would say that isn't typical

Strugglingtodomybest · 17/02/2024 08:17

My DS2 who is 17 has been like this since lockdown. It worries me, but like you say, he seems happy so I'm not sure whether or not I should be doing something?

His brother invited him to the cinema last night, and he wasn't going to go, so I did step in and tell him to go (and of course, ended up paying for it all!), which he did, so that was a little win.

ZenNudist · 17/02/2024 08:18

I know teens sat on computer games and phones all the time and won't go out. It might be normal but not healthy. Does she have homework to do in the holidays does she read?

Interested in this thread?

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15 year olds Families Secondary education

Hoglet70 · 17/02/2024 08:20

DS was quite like this at that age. He's fine and is very social a couple of years later. He can be quite lazy though and on occasions still likes to lie on his bed looking at his phone rather than make an effort. It's just teenagers. I remember being very content with my own company at that age. I turned out alright. I think we spend a lot of time looking for things to be wrong these days.

buckleten · 17/02/2024 08:22

My youngest daughter is exactly like this. She is almost 17, and rarely wants to go out or see her friends. She does like school and does have friends but would much rather be at home watching tv, listening to music and revising. She's very shy and does not like talking to strangers, to the point that she won't answer the phone unless she knows who's calling!

Original poster

smearymirror · 17/02/2024 08:22

She's done her homework and has spent time doing flashcards too but not really left her room to do either.

OP posts:

ColdButSunny · 17/02/2024 08:22

This generation is different from ours. They are more likely to interact online than meet up in person. I have three teens - one of them has no plans to meet up with his friends over half term, despite me suggesting it, but the other two do. They all have outside school interests though (mainly sport and music).

Meadowfinch · 17/02/2024 08:23

My ds is exactly like that. I worried about it for ages but we've compromised.

He occasionally talks to his friends on line
I insist he goes to his swimming lesson on Saturdays and to a karate class on Sunday.

That way he has contact with three different groups of friends. He gets two hours exercise. He leaves the house every day so has to be up, clean and dressed.

I've done my best, the rest of the time I leave him in peace and hope he'll grow out of it. He used to argue, now he doesn't so I hope he already is. 🙂

WrylyAmused · 17/02/2024 08:24

Anecdotally, seems to be massively more a thing since lockdown.

People got used to being inside/at home all the time and seems like a fair proportion don't now feel like going out, particularly younger ones who don't have the "before lockdown" life experience to compare it to.

Lots of articles recently as well about lots of leisure/nightlife activities closing because 18-25s aren't going out like they used to....

Cost of living also a factor for many, though not so much at 15-18, that seems more peer group led.

AndThatWasNY · 17/02/2024 08:28

It is worrying. I work alongside the youth mental health team and they have seen a stark rise in MH issues since the use of smart phones and SM became common.
Lack of exercise, inability to carry out social interact outside of school or work, focus on SM rather than books and films as a source of understanding the world outside l
Has lead to a range of issues. Especially a rise in anxiety.
My DD is similar. She is introverted and very happy in her own company. We limit screen time to an hour a day so that she has to st least do other things and encourage meeting with friends etc.

TheChosenTwo · 17/02/2024 08:31

My dc2 could be like this but we don’t let her. She’s on antidepressants now as her mental health led her to do some very dangerous things. We just presumed she was happier in her own little world online, didn’t really question what she was up to/consuming digitally, she was ‘happy’.
She now leaves the house every day, we have rules around online time and her tech all comes down to my room at night so she’s not doom scrolling at 2am instead of sleeping.
Part of the stipulation for her having the medication was that we agreed on a set of rules (she helped make them), she was almost 17 when she was put on them and is now 18. Feels weird as she’s an adult that we have to still take her phone/laptop etc overnight but now she does understand why.
She’s often out with friends she’d stopped seeing and has a varied social life.
Sorry for this downer post. I wish I could see into the future and predict what was around for corner for us, I would have done things very differently and although it may not have changed the outcome we might have seen the signs.
Just to add that she was suffering from poor mental health pre Covid so this can’t be blamed on this occasion!

TheChosenTwo · 17/02/2024 08:34

Just to add, I also used to spend a lot of time in my bedroom when I was a teen, but I was doing things like making collages from my smash hits magazines or making a mix tape for a friend or reading books etc, teens just don’t do that stuff anymore (obviously some do!). They sit and stare for hours at a screen consuming godknows what and I really think it contributes to some really damaging stuff in the brain.

handfulofsugar · 17/02/2024 08:39

Seems to be either teens are out constantly and others not at all there's not much of a middle ground going on with teens. Plus social media etc is addictive. Look at all of us on mumsnet

Could her friends come over and have sleepovers / movie nights that sort of thing?

Maybe she will go out more when the weather gets better assuming you are in the UK.

Could you join a club together, walking or something or do a bubble tea dates together.

Original poster

smearymirror · 17/02/2024 08:45

She used to love sleepovers when she was in junior school and her friends were over all the time. I've never met any of her secondary school friends (DH has and says their nice girls) but she won't have anyone over. Lockdown defintely had a huge effect on her.

I was thinking of suggesting some counselling but not sure she would go for it.

One think she really wants is a part time job which I think would be great for her but not anything really around until she turns 16..

OP posts:

Original poster

smearymirror · 17/02/2024 08:48

handfulofsugar · 17/02/2024 08:39

Seems to be either teens are out constantly and others not at all there's not much of a middle ground going on with teens. Plus social media etc is addictive. Look at all of us on mumsnet

Could her friends come over and have sleepovers / movie nights that sort of thing?

Maybe she will go out more when the weather gets better assuming you are in the UK.

Could you join a club together, walking or something or do a bubble tea dates together.

Agreed.

I was speaking to my friend whose daughter is out all the time, drinks and lots of boys on the scene. They worry constantly about her and what she is up to.

I suppose I'd quite like some middle ground for my daughter.

OP posts:

TwangBoob · 17/02/2024 08:53

Might just be her. Pre internet i still didnt meet friends face to face much, i was a book worm and an artist so usually in my room reading or drawing. Still that way now! DD is quite like it too although she has a bigger social circle than i do/did.

dreamingbohemian · 17/02/2024 09:00

My son is 14 and similar. I do worry but he swears he's happy and he's definitely a lot less troubled than friends' DC who go out all the time. I've talked to him about it and he says that he finds school exhausting (he does work hard, he's in top sets) and just wants to relax in his free time. He doesn't need to see friends out of school because he sees them every day in school.

He does have a weekly hobby with DH and he's happy to do things with us, but he needs a lot of down time. He's always been shy/introverted.

As an introvert myself I hate when people assume that staying home and keeping to oneself is bad for your mental health. For me personally my mental health is much better when I have quiet time to balance all the business of work etc.

NorthernPoppetPrincess · 17/02/2024 09:05

dreamingbohemian · 17/02/2024 09:00

He does have a weekly hobby with DH and he's happy to do things with us, but he needs a lot of down time. He's always been shy/introverted.

I could have written the exact same thing about my 13yo ds. Happy and social in school, but finds it all tiring and like to be in his own company (or ours) in his free time. He’s happy so we don’t worry.

dreamingbohemian · 17/02/2024 09:15

@NorthernPoppetPrincess It is very reassuring to hear that actually! I can't help but worry as its not the norm apparently, but he's genuinely a happy teen and doing great in school, so we're just going with it.

ViciousCurrentBun · 17/02/2024 09:22

Many people socialise online a lot now and if they are a quieter type well it’s a bonus for them. For people your daughter’s age it will not seem unusual to do that at all

It’s contributing to the death of conversation though with people even preferring messaging to chatting on the phone.

I am assuming you have just had half term, to spend an entire week at home and not leave is unhealthy. This is MN and online forums attract introverts and the socially anxious so they have a higher percentage of people who will write its fine. Even if she just nipped out for a little solo walk round the block and did not speak to a soul it would be preferable.

ColdButSunny · 17/02/2024 09:37

I agree with @ViciousCurrentBun that just to encourage her to go for a walk every day would be a positive thing, even if she doesn't want to meet friends etc.

Beezknees · 17/02/2024 09:43

My 16yo has a middle ground I guess. Most Saturdays he sees friends. Sunday mornings he spends 4 hours at an outdoor hobby and then usually spends all afternoon at home online. It's a different generation.

GinForBreakfast · 17/02/2024 09:43

It seems sad that she doesn't do any sports or drama or arts or anything. Being isolated at home with no fresh air or exercise is generally not good for her health or wellbeing.

Is she very introverted and needs time to recover from too much "people-ing" during the week?

Fluffycloudsfloatinginthesky · 17/02/2024 09:47

My DD was quite like this up to Y11. Occasional trips out with friends but not regular. Since she has gone into y12 she is far more social - they have free periods / finish early so often do something then or at the weekend.

She also got a job start of y12 so that gives her another interest as well.

MamaAlwaysknowsbest · 17/02/2024 09:53

The many many things we all do on computers and on the internet. Look at it this way. She may be an introvert and I know there is obsession in the UK with everyone having a friendship group and boastful social adventures, but what happened to the inner life, the readings of books, of being a homebody, someone who actually like being home and with people they know and feel safe with? Why suddenly everyone has to be part of a social matrix ?

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