Am I a bad mum if I hate and avoid playing with my kids?

[SpinningTops]

I just really hate playing anything imaginative. I work and when I get in I need to cook / sort stuff. They want me to play but there's always something that needs doing and I also hate playing so avoid it! I find them so overwhelming when I get in from a busy day and count down to bedtime in all honesty.

We go out at weekends to NT properties, RHS gardens, on family walks, to museums etc, always something child focused. We have fun with this.

I can just about muster up some enthusiasm for colouring or Lego. They are read to and loved and play with each other. They have minimal screen time which probably doesn't help but their behaviour is better without.

Will they look back on their childhood and see me as the mum who never had time to play or is this just a normal way to be?

Just to add, they're 7 and 5.

My mum never ever played with us. No probs.
I never played with mine.
No probs.
Sounds like you are doing well.
Don’t beat yourself up. A bed time story is lovely. Keep doing that.

You don’t have to be a playmate - you have similar aged kids so they can entertain each other.

My dad didn’t play much with me as a young child - the occasional jigsaw - but as I got older he taught me to play cards and Scrabble and we did crosswords and puzzles together. And he taught me how to read music, saw wood and change tyres too. So I’d say that “Play” can be in different forms - taking them to a woodland, digging in the garden, splashing in the sea all count. Any form of engagement can be playful really. Whether that’s going on a bear hunt whilst exploring a NT property together or a teddy bears picnic at a park. Don’t overthink it.

Oh I avoid imaginary play as much as possible op! It’s the most mind numbing thing there is! No one played it with me and I learnt how to entertain myself and was independent with a good imagination as a result I think. It’s good for kids to learn to entertain themselves so don’t feel bad. You do other stuff with them and they also have each other so I think it isn’t an issue at all.

My DS is 4 and he drives me crazy with his demands for me to play with him, it's sooooooo difficult for me to do it. I just about manage a minute before giving up and hoping it was enough to encourage him to play on his own.
People will probably come on here to say they love it (even though they don't) but honestly OP it's totally normal from what I now understand!

Yes, I think you are a bad mom for not playing with your children. You are given this golden opportunity to creaste everlasting beautiful memories and yet you are declining for very puerile reasons such as "I can't muster up enthusiasm".

You will regret this.

I never played imaginative games with my children because I'm not a child and so didn't have the imaginative child's mindset, it's just fake playing compared with them playing together (which is what they did).

I did lots of mum stuff, similar to you on weekends, or just pottering about, chatting, cooking, sticky/glueing, supervising stuff, the odd board game, lots of cuddles, reading, the whole thing.

No actual pretend play though beyond listening politely whilst they explained a giant tiger was chasing them or whatever!

How about playing something fun which isn't imaginative but which is a bit more engaging than say, colouring - like hide and seek? It doesn't have to be on weekdays though if they're rushed. What about having playtime together at the weekend after Sunday lunch or similar? I do have lovely memories of playing with my mum as a kid but maybe this could be at the weekend?

Stop talking rubbish. Op is their mum not a playmate. Children play with other kids not their parents. My mum never played with me op, I had friends and siblings to play with. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job op.

You are playing though, lego and colouring. I think you can join in a little bit of the child led stuff, limit it if you want. Half an hour a day? Could you manage that?

😂
Op takes her children out every weekend and is child focussed activities not just to Asda.

Op your doing great 👍 if you didn't work, have only one child so they don't have a playmate, had a cook, a gardener, a cleaner, a nanny and didn't take your children out on weekends then Yes you are a bad mum you should play with your child but in your situation you are doing more than enough

I hate it too. I therefore only do things that I enjoy. This includes Play Doh, drawing, colouring and firing his nerf gun at targets. We do plenty outside of the house, but I am 44 years old and not a natural playmate for a 7 year old.

Actually you've misquoted me. I've said 'I can just about muster up the enthusiasm' 😉

I'm similar, so I play to my strengths/the activities I can just about tolerate which amounts to colouring/reading/doing the occasional jigsaw/baking/throwing a ball. DH has infinitely more patience, so he picks up the rest. Kids play is incredibly tedious for most of us, don't feel bad.

The only thing worse than imaginary play. Is reading a fucking Beatrix potter book.
They are dull as shit and were a deciding factor in how many children I had

I used to hate going to the park. I found it really boring, The dc would go off and play, and I would just sit there (pre- mobile phone days).

Don’t feel guilty. You do lots of things at the weekend, and it does sound like they spend time playing. It does kids good to learn to play and entertain themselves.

Are you ND? I could never do imaginative play but my child also wasn't interested unless an adult who was good at it involved him. We did jigsaw puzzles, then lego, read books and watched horrible histories and time team together. I took him to playgrounds and out on his bike. He attended childcare so could play with other children there.

I found imaginative play easier to engage with when there was an aim or target of the game. So “the Paw Patrol racier the man who is stuck up the mountain” (top of the sofa). Or “build a massive train track and get all the trains out of their houses to their correct sidings” (that was basically like a sudoku trying to work out what order to move them all).

Makes it a lot easier. With hindsight (my two are now far beyond imaginative play) I am glad I did it. I was bored as hell at the time but the memories are rather nice.

I also got my kids into board games really early. That was genuinely quite enjoyable.

😂

I think it's fine. You never heard of social services getting involved because a parent didn't play with their child. Keep them clothed, fed and get them to school and they will be OK. I have never played with my dcs and they are all at RG unis.

A lot of the time, I don't think it's that DS wants me to play with him, I think he wants me to suggest something or give him an idea. So when we start playing and then I slowly back out of the room to 'check the washing machine' he'll happily carry on playing for another hour or so.

Most generations didn’t have parents doing this type of play. It’s just an additional pressure put on modern parents!
i did some of this with my son at that age but that’s because he was an only child and he was desperate for a playmate. But I always set a timer on the phone for 15 mins and he was happy with that. Then I could get on with making the dinner etc

I don't think you have to play with them but you do have to interact with them.

"Most generations didn’t have parents doing this type of play. It’s just an additional pressure put on modern parents!"

Very true

I remember my dad playing with me but not my mum. It is something I’ve thought about now I’ve had a child and I really enjoy imaginative play! My son is just getting into tea parties atm and I am loving it 😂 Anyway I don’t think of my mum as bad for not playing with me- she worked a lot and was busy, but I do remember it. I’m an only child though, so it’s not like I had a sibling to play with.