Am I a bad mum if I hate and avoid playing with my kids?

[SpinningTops]

I just really hate playing anything imaginative. I work and when I get in I need to cook / sort stuff. They want me to play but there's always something that needs doing and I also hate playing so avoid it! I find them so overwhelming when I get in from a busy day and count down to bedtime in all honesty.

We go out at weekends to NT properties, RHS gardens, on family walks, to museums etc, always something child focused. We have fun with this.

I can just about muster up some enthusiasm for colouring or Lego. They are read to and loved and play with each other. They have minimal screen time which probably doesn't help but their behaviour is better without.

Will they look back on their childhood and see me as the mum who never had time to play or is this just a normal way to be?

I understand op I don’t like it either. I do think it’s important though to make some time to play with your DC, even if it’s just half an hour once or twice a week.

I’ve always liked this old Esther Walker column on how awful imaginative play can be.

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/c5ce1577-f015-4a7a-a9fe-e023abcfe359?shareToken=1f94389c173d6e2268e29d53e5a97da1

I’m a reasonably imaginative person but I always hated imaginative play with kids, because they don’t really want you to be imaginative- they want you to be a character in their imaginative game, somehow magically intuiting what you’re supposed to do, which is impossible. So you’re doing something you don’t want to do and then being judged for not doing it right. It reminds me of when my son was given a game that involved ex tempore rapping and I didn’t really want to do it but joined in to be a good sport, trying to rap about the subject on a card, and he kept buzzing me out for my raps not being good enough.

I think it would mean the world to them if for ten mins a day you set a timer and gave them focused attention on their LEGO or cooking set or whatever if is - even if you don't find it fun it will really fill up their cups

I think it's less helpful to think good or bad mum (as she only has so much energy and these kids also need food and clean clothes) think about 'good enough parent' (google it it's a term) and good enough is about ten mins only of playing a day this is what I'd be aiming to do with a timer set if needs be

This is me 100%

It's interesting looking at pictures in old kids story books, things like Alfie and Annie Rose, all the pictures show the mum and grandmother sitting chatting with tea, dad on the park bench with a newspaper etc. I've often thought it would be a really cool PhD project to look through literature and pictures to get a sense of how motherhood/ parenthood has been portrayed and what it shows us about how expectations have changed. I do feel under pressure to play more than I do!

I'm feeling a bit better about it now. We do do lots together, so we do do Lego builds, and puzzles. It's all fairly instructional rather than 'playing' though.
We have got them into board games and quickly moved them away from orchard toys ones to more grown up strategy games that we adults enjoy.

My ds loved role playing games and imaginative play. I loved playing with him. We'd throw all the cushions off the sofa and make a spaceship or we'd swing on our webs as Spiderman!. Occasionally, we would be The Wiggles! He loved playing shop and me and dh would be the customers. They are lovely memories and to me it felt natural and fun because ds enjoyed it so much. It's not about being a playmate, it's just about engaging with your child and helping them express their interests. I found it far from boring and look back onn those times very fondly. Those who don't like it/just don't want to, try for 5 minutes tu start with.

I don't think I'm ND. We're trying to get my son on a list for ASD assessment though and his behaviour probably adds to my feelings of exhaustion quickly followed by guilt at not doing enough.

Board games, crafts, baking, puzzles then I'm all over it. Small world and pretend play: hard no. Mine are 6 and 8 and will play together or alone.

I never did finger painting or messy play at home. They can do this messy stuff at nursery. I don't play Lego or colour as I didn't have time but If we went to the beach I'd help them build a sand castle and push them on swings at the park. It's all playing, just different types of play. I might have played the occasional board game with DC over the summer holidays, if it was a wet day. My sister on the other hand always had messy finger painting, dressing up or craft stuff going on with her DC. But on the beach she just sat and read her book. She's no closer to her DC as young adults than I am to mine. I read an article once about being a great Mum at different stages of DC life, some Mums are best when their DC are babies, others toddlers, others teens. I definitely think I was a good Mum when my kids were teens. I drove them around, allowed sleepovers for their friends, helped my DD and her friends do their make up for their prom, spent hours cheering on DS on football pitch at away matches and drove his friends around too, and Foster son on cricket pitch, and volunteered to do the scoring for his cricket team but also allowed them their own space too. Some will think I'm off but I like teens the best. You see all the years of input come to fruition as they grow into amazing young adults.

I’m exactly the same, and as a single parent it’s hard to find the time to play with them! My youngest 2 are 4 and 6 and play together a lot. My oldest is late teens. I occasionally feel guilty and get a board game out. I do their homework with then and read every day so rarely feel bad about it.

I could have written this article!! Made me chuckle, it feels like my life.

"newyearnewnothing · Today 18:49

The only thing worse than imaginary play. Is reading a fucking Beatrix potter book.
They are dull as shit and were a deciding factor in how many children I had"

🤣🤣

And bloody going on a bear hunt. And biff and kipper when they're older.

Do not beat yourself up about this. I didn’t play with mine as I found it mind numbingly boring. However I did do things like take them out to playgrounds, go for walks, visit zoos/castles etc but imaginative play definitely not. You need some time to yourself to preserve your sanity and they need to learn that you also need some down time when you can relax.

Playing is a a big way children show affection and feel affection back. There may be stuff to do when you get home from work but so what? Why can’t it wait half an hour so you can spend some quality time with your kids? taking them on days out etc is lovely obviously but playing is a HUGE part of child development and bonding. I have such fond memories of my mom who always played with my, I also distinctly remember how my dad never did. And it hurt. Try harder it won’t kill you

I don't play with my kids (except play fighting). I have ADHD and there's just not enough dopamine in imaginative play to keep me interested haha. I have multiple sons though and they all keep each other occupied.

Thinking about it, I never did imaginative play myself as a child. I have no clue what to actually do! I used to read a lot, arrange toys and play with them in a repetitive way, and build with construction toys.

'Golden opportunity to create everlasting beautiful memories'?

Assuming you're not being tongue-in-cheek (difficult to tell), do you work for Hallmark?

It depends. If you answer "not now I'm just doing X" when asked to play and then give them something to do without you then I'm not sure how you think they'll feel the love. Have a read of the well we took you to stately homes threads to see that it's all in the little moments of connection.

I definitely remember my mum never played with us. It isn't a positive thing.

This is what I did. We spent hours together on a lego build or playing a board game. It's all quality time.

I have very fond memories playing "lion king" and "horses" with my mum, she was amazing at imaginary games. I had six siblings too so it's not like I was lacking other children to play with, but there's just something warm and fuzzy about inviting your parent into your imaginary world.

Saying that my dad had the imagination of a cheese sandwich and never played pretend with us, and I still adore him and have a very good relationship with him.

So on the whole I don't think it makes much difference, as long as you're doing other things with them and loving them, they'll be reet.

Well, a little bit of everything in balance for your sanity 😄

Neither of my parents played with me but they were awesome in so many other ways. You don’t have to play with them! Just find things to do together and spend time with them

Yes its boring and I don't think you have to do imaginative play, but you should be making some effort to do something with your kids rather than counting down to bedtime