Am I a bad mum if I hate and avoid playing with my kids?

[SpinningTops]

I just really hate playing anything imaginative. I work and when I get in I need to cook / sort stuff. They want me to play but there's always something that needs doing and I also hate playing so avoid it! I find them so overwhelming when I get in from a busy day and count down to bedtime in all honesty.

We go out at weekends to NT properties, RHS gardens, on family walks, to museums etc, always something child focused. We have fun with this.

I can just about muster up some enthusiasm for colouring or Lego. They are read to and loved and play with each other. They have minimal screen time which probably doesn't help but their behaviour is better without.

Will they look back on their childhood and see me as the mum who never had time to play or is this just a normal way to be?

I also did very little imaginative play with others as a child, I used to play with one doll by myself, but with other children I found imaginative play boring and slow when I was a child!

I was not very good at childing....

Thank you for this post OP.
I don't really have anything to add but I am much the same.
My mum is great at playing with children her mind just works that way, but she doesn't have to do all the hum drum that comes with modern life too.
I'm rubbish at playing. I just concentrate on sitting on the floor with her and looking at toys occasionally and talking to her.

I feel your pain!!! Im great with activities or outings but fail at and hate imaginary play. To make it worse DH is a SAH dad and amazing ao it so I get to be the inept and absent parent ( mostly joking!).

I find putting some boundaries helps - "il will play for 10 minutes " or negotiating something we both enjoy

Wow.

I completely feel your pain OP. I hated playing imaginative games with my children, it was so boring I wanted to gnaw my own arm off. They are teens now and much, much more interesting.

Because when we all get home, if we wait half an hour before even starting dinner the play will soon turn into wrestling then tantrums when they aren't allowed to clear the cupboards of ALL the food because they're starving because it's dinner time and we've been faffing around with Lego for half an hour.

I hate imaginative play. So glad my children are over that stage. I could play doctors at best.

My childhood was idyllic and my parents didn’t sit and play games with me. Not until I was older and could do jigsaws/play Atari style games. They still were and are wonderful parents.
So are you.

I try to find things I also enjoy (hide and seek, pouring out the Duplo and building things together). Imaginative play is mind numbing but I do it for a bit. you don't have to play all the time, but I do think some play is necessary. I may be projecting though. My parents never played with me and I felt very unwanted and forgotten about. (Then again, my parents also never took me to museums, etc like you do, so that might make all the difference to your children).

Totally the same OP. I'll build Lego or race hot wheels/ remote control cars but anything else it's a hard pass.

I don't feel any guilt for that either, I work 40+ hours a week, I'm the primary parent most of the week too, we can't do it all.

My DS is 5, he gets lots of interaction and playtime at school, and some days also after school club, I dont think he loses out.

I don't think it's essential but if you can set a timer and have 15 minutes of play time with them, it would be really beneficial and you'll probably look back and be glad you did it.

same here! My DD is almost 4 and she loves imaginative play, it’s the type of play she always chooses. I just hate it so much…most boring thing in the world. I’m trying to encourage independent play but she says that she doesn’t know how to play alone and then I feel guilty because she is an only child.

So I get to spend countless hours a week pretending Elsa is sick and Anna and Olaf take her to the doctor and the doctor tells her to rest…in the exact same order over and over. Even when we play Lego she builds for a little while and then wants to play with the figurines in the buildings. Glad to see I’m not the only one hating this bit, I’m just hoping it improves as she gets older and we can play more interesting things, such as board games or do some crafts.

DD knows that I won't engage in role play/imaginary stuff.

If she wants to spend time playing with me she'll ask me to do something she knows I like doing like Lego, board games (proper games like Monopoly, Ticket to Ride etc.), Jigsaws. The only creative things I do with her are cooking and sometimes I'll sit and draw with her.

@SherrieElmer Slightly harsh!

I never played with dd, I was happy to do an activity with her (puzzles, games, baking, read a book etc) but not play with toys, to me that's a bit weird tbh.

Plus if I ever attempted to get involved with her imaginary play she'd tell me I was doing it all wrong!

My dd was a massive playmobil fan and could spend hours playing independently with it.

I'm a granny and I'm easily bored by play so I only engage in the imaginative games I choose eg at the hairdressers (I give them brushes, combs and hairclips) where I sit on the sofa and they sit behind me doing the biz. I'll also pretend to be a sick pet where I lie on the sofa and they have to be vets. Another favourite is Beauty salon where I get a facial, pedicure, manicure and make up. Anything where I can sit down and just grunt the occasional 'lovely dear' while I close my eyes - bliss!

Don't be so hard on yourselves Mums - you're all juggling so many things and don't have the time or energy to play at things that bore you witless. The bedtime story is the most precious IMO.

I asked my 11 yo if he minds that I didn't play with him and he said nope, doesn't care and he won't really remember that stuff when he's older! He played with his siblings, nursery friends, school friends.... it's fine!

I don't hold a grudge with my parents for not sitting and floor and playing with My Little Pony with me! They were parents and I don't think I ever expected them too!

I do like a jigsaw with the kids, or a board game but our quality time is films and sofa snuggles really, and eldest loves to go for a drive and chat and pick the music.

You’re a busy, hardworking mum! Give yourself that credit.
You also set aside time when you have energy to be with them and go to places/have walks with them. You sound like a hardworking and fun mum now so double points.
You worry about doing enough, which means you’re doing more than enough.
Also no adult should be expected to play Barbie or Lego if you don’t wanna… they won’t resent you because of it!
There are other types of play; creating, walking/adventuring together, shell collecting ect that adults enjoy more than imaginative play!

Youre doing great!

I hated it and never did it. Did everything else as a SAHM, just never “played” with them.

Now they’re older I’m totally in the zone: we talk, we debate, we discuss, I ferry back and forth, I counsel and console - just all the things with older, more interesting and more independent children. I have no regrets.

(I also firmly believe parents should be parents to their children and not friends. The latter can be very damaging to children, I think.)

My mother never played with me, she was always too busy with housework, chatting with neighbours etc. I'm in my 50s and it's central to my early childhood memories.

I had a brother one year older than me, but he'd ignore me if there was another boy to play with and if was stuck with me, was always the boss in game.

My Dad would play with me, but he worked long hours so it was generally my mum at home with us.

I was much more involved with my DD - i engaged with her games and let her know I loved spending time with them, I felt a bit like a duty to my mum - to be fed and cleaner.

My mum was always too busy to play or engage with me. I am closed to my dad as a result, fwiw. I think it was less about the playing per se and more about always feeling like a nuisance to her.

I am that freak who actually enjoys pretend play, it's my favourite type of play. But it's fine that you don't.

I only pick the kids up at 3pm after school once a week (rest of the week it's after school club or their dad) so it's easier for me to do this but what I do is set up some kind of activity - usually arts and crafts but sometimes gardening or cooking or baking or a Lego challenge or something. We do it together, it's usually around 15-40 mins, and then it often just sets them off playing by themselves for a bit while I sort their dinner.

If you can, I do think setting aside some time to play even if it's fairly short is a good thing to do to connect with them. But it absolutely can be something you like to do, not necessarily the type of play that annoys you

Interesting. My kids aren't like that at all.

Their favourite thing with pretend play is when we surprise them or take the game in a different direction.

When DS was 4, his favourite game was cafe where I would pretend to be different difficult customers and he would have to try and cater for me by dishing up whatever random thing I asked for from the play kitchen. I would then pretend to find a worm in the food and complain on TripAdvisor etc.

I totally understand why if your kids just tell you off for not being telepathic that it's not fun

You sound super uptight. One day they’ll be grown and not ask you to play etc and you’ll wish you’d cared more about quality time and playing than a bit of dinner and walking them round a national trust place ( btw taking them days out is nice but it’s just another way to entertain them so you don’t have to put any effort into them)
you sound draining,

My granny was absolutely brilliant at imaginative play (although I'm sure she would never have called it that). I have vivid and fond memories of a whole host of imaginary companions we shared together.

I never had such a thing with my own DM, and we did not have a great relationship.

I don't think it's essential but maybe something to bear in mind. I agree that it is mind numbingly boring though.

@TonTonMacoute My grandchildren love the play we have but I orchestrate it so it's things I want to do (I also like playing cafe where I'm a customer who has come in for a rest). I think that's the key to it so you can all enjoy it because I'm sure they'd pick up on my boredom if they wanted me to play 'Frozen' or dinosaurs.

Edited to add that I'm also a good casualty in a road accident who needs paramedics and a lie down in an ambulance, I was once a seated mannequin in a shop window and I've been on an operating table (the sofa again).

I think dinner is more important. 'A bit of dinner' is not really an unimportant, optional extra. Feeding your kids before they get miserable because they're starving hungry is basic stuff.