How do I say no . Boundaries/DV

[Anypoint24]

I have changed user user name. Probably not much point but I have anyway.

I think I may get recognised and Probably very judged . Just hoping I'm wrong.

So the problem is I find it hard saying no to ds . He's almost 17 there have been past history of domestic violence from him towards me. That went on for a good few years. I never told anyone. And then it reached a peak/last straw everything came spilling out. At this point I kicked ds out . He ended up at his sisters house for a few weeks . Social services involved/worked with us and ds came back home . On the whole ds has got better compared to what he was.

But he's still very demanding, does not take no for an answer constantly agrgues his point . And his tone is pretty horrible. And more recently I have noticed he seems to be playing mind games with me and he's pretty nasty with them. This concerns me that we could be going down a Rocky road again and I can't let that happen.

So right now in ds room he has , gaming pc, ps4 was free, and an xbox. TV etc . Plus his phone.

I got ds a ps5 not long after they came out for Xmas. Few months later he sells it and buys an xbox. The one that cost around 250. So not newest one .

So now he's decided he wants a ps5 again and he's hassling me big time for it. Ds does get pip I think it's roughly 300 a month . At first I gave him the full 300 within days he was demanding money from me again. Then we switched it to weekly he was still demanding money. Then switched it to 12.50 per day . Now he it's at 150 in one payment then 12.50 every other day . He's not been overly bad on it but a few hiccups here and there.

So with the ps5 situation. It would mean it would have to go on credit. 30.00 a month for 12 months. This would mean a new set of credit. Which i don't want as its just more money owed. Ds is saying he will pay the 30.00 a month . But I don't trust it. I told him to save up for it he could have it within a month ish. But he's still in my face over it.

Obviously this is not just about the ps5 but it does play a part. But it's about me being able to say no and put in boundaries without the fear of him kicking off.

No I don't have one. I will Just see how it gos

It doesn't have to be paid into their bank account but they can choose where it goes.

I'm an appointee for my DS. He gets £50 per month allowance. I save some of it for him and spend the rest in his best interests - one thing is gym membership for example.

OP every time you post about your child you get lots of really good advice about how important it is to set and stick to boundaries, say no etc, and there’s always an excuse as to why you can’t. You’re looking for a magic solution and sadly there just isn’t one, you need boundaries and you need to say no, and if you are not able to do that safely then you need assistance.

Read (my) posts . You will see I have already said what I'm going to do .

This. Why does he claim PIP? I thought it was for adults that cannot earn own money ,so was trying to work out why his behaviour is so bad .

Yes, but your post is “how do I say no”, as they almost always are.

You always receive the same very good advice- you just simply say no. As others have said, you’re doing far too much negotiating.

Couple of screen shots of me saying what I'm going to do .

OP do his difficulties/conditions impact on the way you can engage with him and how he engages with others? If so there's no point in people giving you advice to the contrary. FWIW I've worked in the DA field for many years, but I'm having difficulty unpicking which aspects of his behaviour are related to his conditions and which are just abusive (they can both have the same outcome but you would address them differently).
Has he had DA intervention? Locally our early help and AIPT teams deliver victim and perpetrator work for teenagers and that's support you could seek. Of course his conditions might be a barrier to engaging with this, but without more information I don't know if that's the case.
Have you had counselling? How does his behaviour impact your other children? Are they safe emotionally as well as physically?
I think it's time to go back to social care, if you are this fearful around a playstation.

Thank you for replying. I have been trying to think how I can reply to you
I know and understand your questions and why you are asking them. I also believe you are genuine. This is of no offence to you at all . But im not going to answer theses questions. This is partly because I have already decided what im doing. The other reason is I don't want every tiny word I say to be picked apart or totally misunderstood or things I have explained left out . This is not directed at you . Its just as soon as I fully /deeply explain people will be onto me with assumptions and judgement. And I'm not mentally /emotionally up for that .

That's fair enough OP, if you do want/are able to access those kinds of interventions for you or your son I am happy for you to DM me. If I know the LA I can point you in the right direction. I won't be offended in any way if you choose not to

PIP and ADP are disability benefits. They have nothing to do with the ability to earn money. There is a children's version as well (DLA).

This money is to assist and support disabled children and adults.

PIP is not means-tested.

It's just as soon as I fully /deeply explain people will be on to me with assumptions and judgement. And I'm not mentally /emotionally up for that

You sound defeated and exhausted, OP.

I'm so sorry that this situation is draining you of all your emotional and physical reserves.

I hope things will eventually improve for you and your family. It is clearly a very challenging situation and you do truly have my sympathy.

pip Is a disability/ill health benefit for people who need a supplement their life because of their disabilities medical circumstances it isn't an unemployment benefit

Sorry I was going to add to the reply I sent you but forgot my trail of though. I do forget the names of Things but ds was referred to a place that helps young people who are abusive/dv towards their parents. There's also CAMHS. We had social services for a short period. I done a 12 week course myself.

Some of the issues is me . I take that on board and have touched on it . Its all well doing courses meeting other mums in the same situation etc but the fear/emotional/mental of things take a long time to leave. Your still in survival/protective mode and it's hard to get out of that . And when you say no or put your foot down . Your shitting yourself it's going to kick of. Then as you touched on there's other children to think about. BUT I have to take the risk of saying no and putting my foot down otherwise I won't find out and the situation will carry on.

And when you say no or put your foot down, you're shitting yourself it's going to kick off

Yes - walking on eggshells because you don't want to be assaulted.

Very scary.

I will just see how it gos . My other children will be out in a while. So I will wait till they have gone .