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Original poster

Leaving a child in the car for a couple of minutes - how old?

114 replies

FeathersAndDown · 14/02/2024 14:28

I left my 4-year-old twins in the car for the first time when nipping in the shop yesterday. I only needed a loaf of bread, it's a small village shop with a car park right outside. My heart was in my mouth the whole time! I literally ran in and out again. Next time I will probably go back to taking them in with me.

When is it acceptable to leave them? I know it varies by the child and how sensible they are, but generally. Would be interested to know what others think!

OP posts:
Frozenasarock · 14/02/2024 14:45

Probably somewhere between age 8 to 10, which was about when I’d leave them at home for a few minutes to pop out to the postbox at the end of the road or similar short errand.

Definitely not at 4 - I think you know from how you felt doing it that it wasn’t a good idea.

That said I never took my children into the kiosk to pay for petrol - even as babies they stayed in the car. I think the fact that it was yards away, I could always see the car through the glass and it was more “the done thing” meant I see that differently, though in reality it’s actually pretty similar.

cowonthecommon · 14/02/2024 14:52

Daughter is almost 9, and I've now - this year - just started doing it when I need to quickly pop in to a shop.

I totally understand why it made sense at the time for you to leave the twins in the car: getting them out would have been a whole expedition!! 2 minute job into a 20 minute job.

Not judging, I get it, but I think way, way too young (possibly even illegal?)

StylishM · 14/02/2024 14:54

I leave DC 5 & 7 in the car alone, but take DC 2 & 1 with me

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TheSnowyOwl · 14/02/2024 14:55

Bizarrely I would feel comfortable leaving a newborn in my car whilst I bought a load of bread and fuel at a petrol station but feel leaving them in the car to go into a regular shop feels very different, even though logistically it isn’t.

Itsgotmethinkingabit · 14/02/2024 14:56

Following as I often worry about this, leave Dd, 5 in when I get petrol (can see her through the window) and have while I quickly ran into corner shop, car right outside it. I feel v uneasy doing it though so should stop

Sunset6 · 14/02/2024 14:58

I probably would leave DD (nearly 6) in the car if there was a good reason to, but in practice she doesn’t want to be left and so would always jump out and join me

AlltheFs · 14/02/2024 15:32

I leave DD at 4 in car if she wants at a local farm shop but the parking is a bit like a petrol station - you park literally right up to the building which is mostly glass and it is in the arse end of nowhere. I can see her all the time and it takes moments.
I wouldn’t do it if had to park further away or in a city.

I’d say 6+ otherwise.

whatsmyname123 · 15/02/2024 21:01

I personally wouldn't leave my 4 year old, I'd rather pay the extra for a whoosh.

10ThousandSpoons · 15/02/2024 21:04

What age can your kid lock the door if they see a dodgy person coming and also be trusted not to let off the handbrake

Lotus3 · 15/02/2024 21:06

Old enough to make a hassle if someone tried to steal them I guess? Maybe 10+? Even then, I'd prefer they were with me. I'm maybe a bit paranoid though.

seven201 · 15/02/2024 21:10

My dd is 7 1/2 and I can't see myself leaving her until she's at least 9. When she was about 4 I once left her in front of the tv while I ran to the post box and back at the end of my road. Nothing happened but I was so worried and don't know why I did it as I could have just taken her with me but couldn't be arsed with the whole 20 mins of faffing round it seems to take to get dd out the house!

Lovemyones · 15/02/2024 21:13

Never. Cars have been stolen with kids inside. Someone I used to work with did what you did nipped in the bank and got in trouble with social services 😬

haveyougotamin · 15/02/2024 21:16

Lovemyones · 15/02/2024 21:13

Never. Cars have been stolen with kids inside. Someone I used to work with did what you did nipped in the bank and got in trouble with social services 😬

Agree

ThreeRingCircus · 15/02/2024 21:19

DD1 is 7 and I would say not yet. Maybe in a couple of years? Although she's really sensible.

I did exactly the same as you, left her in the car while I ran into a shop when she was maybe 3 or 4 and I felt so stressed and anxious I knew it wasn't the right decision. It wasn't any easier worrying about it than just having taken her in with me.

Sianyloo · 15/02/2024 21:20

My eldest is 9yrs and I still wouldn’t now with her or her baby sister. They may be ‘What if’s’ but I would be far too paranoid that something could happen to them, or me in the shop and someone wouldn’t know they were there. Highly unlikely of course for both but for me, it’s not worth the risk for a short minor inconvenience.

Disneyrunner · 15/02/2024 21:22

I read something once along the lines of never leave your kids anywhere you wouldn't leave your handbag .... everything in your handbag can be replaced, your kids can't x
I would say towards the end of primary some alone time is good to prepare them for the transition to high school though.

CatStoleMyChocolate · 15/02/2024 21:25

I did it once with a 7 year old and a sleeping 3 year old. It felt wrong and I wouldn’t do it again in the same circumstances. I have left my 8 year old in the car out of sight when dropping the younger one at preschool and the 8 year old was off sick. Not ideal but I had no other options (nobody willing to sit with him at home, nobody able to drop the younger one). It felt OK-ish but wouldn’t have been my first choice.

JessicaPeach · 15/02/2024 21:25

I've just started doing this at 9 (y5) really in prep for y7 as that's a massive leap in independence and trust.

EighteenBaldingStars · 15/02/2024 21:27

@Disneyrunner, I think the difference is that there are many people who would think little of nicking a handbag for a few quid / a phone. Not many people would steal a random child!

I still wouldn't leave mine alone but for reasons other than someone nicking them!

Re the op, I still bring mine with me no matter how quick a stop I'm making. They are 6 & 9. Thinking I'm maybe a bit ott though, based on some of the answers on here 🤔

horah · 15/02/2024 21:29

I leave my 6 & 4 year old in the car at the petrol station. But that's the only shop I feel comfortable in doing so. I either park so you can see your car through the window or park at the petrol pump where it can be seen on the camera.

Other than that, I wouldn't feel comfortable.

FearMe · 15/02/2024 21:31

I think loads of people are misreading the post. Assuming that she's leaving the kid at home!
She left her child in the car, parked in front of a shop while she ran in, car was in sight.
I have always done that, since my kids were babies.
The amount of catastrophising that goes on here is hilarious.

10ThousandSpoons · 15/02/2024 21:43

horah · 15/02/2024 21:29

I leave my 6 & 4 year old in the car at the petrol station. But that's the only shop I feel comfortable in doing so. I either park so you can see your car through the window or park at the petrol pump where it can be seen on the camera.

Other than that, I wouldn't feel comfortable.

What.. near the highly flammable liquid?

Skillest · 15/02/2024 21:43

Meh

I recall being in a retail park with newborn (about 2wo) 4th child. Been there, done that. She was asleep in the carseat. I decided to park next to Costa, lock her in the car, nip in, que, and buy a chia tea, back to car in about 5 minutes.

There was a poo-faced 20 ish year old by the car when I got back - making an attempt 'advise' me how I wasn't supposed to do that, and judge me.

Yeah, fuck right off.

10ThousandSpoons · 15/02/2024 21:44

FearMe · 15/02/2024 21:31

I think loads of people are misreading the post. Assuming that she's leaving the kid at home!
She left her child in the car, parked in front of a shop while she ran in, car was in sight.
I have always done that, since my kids were babies.
The amount of catastrophising that goes on here is hilarious.

What good is being in sight of your car going to do if you glance down to pick up a can of beans or something and then look up to find your child has taken the handbrake off and the car is rolling away.

Being able to see the disaster isn't really helpful

brummyadele91 · 15/02/2024 21:49

Wasn't there something in news few years ago, a woman parked on a hill by a canal or river or something and she nipped into office for 1 min or less but when she got back the car was gone as she qas in such a rush she left handbreak down and car went into the water. I know it's completely different but it's just made me remember. How awful for her