Should DD have been served alcohol?

[HangingOnJustAbout]

Two DD, 16 and 18, I allow DD16 alcohol (usually a small wine or half a cider) when we go out for meals. I believe this is legal, she drinks sensibly at parties anyway.

My dd went out with sis's dd 18 and 19 for a meal at a chain pizza place. They ordered a bottle of wine to be shared amongst them, all were ID'd which I'm sure is standard but they refused to allow DD 16 to share the wine and she ended up with a coke.

She wasn't that fussed, it was on Friday and has only just come up in conversation. I think she should have been served, she was having a meal with 3 legal adults. Should she have been? Maybe the adults need to have parental responsibility?

Its so hard to police that a lot of chains now have a no alcohol under 18 rule. Its done so that there is no ambiguity. Its a bit like that row post covid about what constitured a meal, would a bowl of chips count? Or a sandwich and soup? Or does it have to be a full "gravy" type dinner? Too many things to get wrong so its easier to just say "No to under 18s" Also dont forget that a pub/restaurant can refuse service for any reason, they do not have to serve anyone anything.

I had to chuck out a family group from one of my pubs because they simply would not stop giving their dd wine on her 16th birthday. I explained several times that it was company policy, got her father getting very aggressive, shoving his phone in my face and saying I was a fucking idiot and she was allowed it by law. I told them that even if we did allow it, she didnt have any id so I wouldnt have been able to serve her anyway at which point he picked up her birthday cake which had her photo on it and said that that was her ID. To this day I cant quite believe that he thought that would work!

Blah blah. In the end I removed all alcohol from the table, and took it off the bill. They were told that they would not be served anymore alcohol and thats when it really kicked off. I was told I had ruined her birthday and threatened. Police were called and they were barred.

There’s a massive difference there though. I worked in restaurants while at uni and would have done the same.

A 16 year old having a glass of wine while under the care of her parents at a family meal is very different to a 16 year old sharing a bottle with 2 other young girls.

Why would you want to encourage your 16 year daughter to drink, that's a strange one. Do you encourage drug taking as well 🙄

There's always one......

No idea where you got that from, but it isnt the case at all.

Never been anywhere where that is the case. We always take DCs passport anyway

Mithering on about your daughter not getting served wine in the pizza place, to my mind gives the impression that alcohol is quite a key component of celebratory events for adults. It doesn't have to be.

OP says her DD was not fussed. To me it seems the 16yo DD has a mature attitude. Not allowing alcohol when they've asked is more likely to lead to problems (lying, mystery).

I could absolutely understand and support a restaurant not serving my 16yo when he's out with his adult brother, but being totally find to serve him when we all go out together.

Any licensed venue can refuse to serve alcohol to anyone.

16 year olds will drink alcohol. Better to allow it in moderation, with family.

As its management discretion, I'd say not a bad policy to allow it with a family meal but not with those just a little older

There's a big difference between allowing alcohol to a sixteen year old who is accompanied by her aged parents, to being accompanied by two people under twenty.

Mine has their provisionals when they were 15. No need to wait for 17.

Why didn't the table ask for a jug of tap and some glasses. The op's dd could have had some wine poured into one of the water glasses!

I haven't read all the replies so this might've been said but maybe they refused because it was an open bottle so they couldn't keep tabs on how much the 16yo would be drinking?

I know an owner of a restaurant. She allows if it there are 'responsible' adults. Maybe 4 teens similar in age was a risk they didn't want to take.

We've never actually risked refusal. I just order a lime and soda and a cider and swap then we'll each have the other after.

Stats now show under age drinking even with dps approval risks addiction to alcohol. And brain damage.

😂

That is the exactly the sort of thing that staff keep an eye on and would get your refused service and asked to leave.

Same with ordering alcohol and swapping it over as a pp suggested.

Believe me, we know all the tricks and all they will get you is barred.

Are you serious?

Believe me, we know all the tricks and all they will get you is barred.

Never had so much as a comment. We aren't watched to see who is drinking what though, no one seems interested.

Any level of alcohol consumption, at any age increases addiction and other health conditions. The only safe level is zero.
I don't think we are discussing whether alcohol should or shouldn't be available to teenagers (and anyone in fact) but the policies of restaurants and specifically a situation where an under 18 is with other young adults.

I was a waitress at a restaurant that was very strict about it - I had to refuse to serve a 21-year-old who was having a meal with her family because she didn't have ID.

Last year on holiday a pub wouldn't let my 24yo DD have a drink because she'd forgotten her ID. She wasn't bothered, she knows this is liable to happen - the next day she was ID'd and the waitress (who was only about 18 herself) was astonished that DD was more than 16!

OP's daughter wasn't bothered which is cool - what I am questioning is why OP was so bothered?

And as I tried to explain (clearly not very well) I don't see any evidence that allowing a teen alcohol in moderation makes them less likely to binge/have problems when older?

It depends on your relationship with your parents perhaps. I am from a close knit family and really like and respect my parents, so them allowing me alcohol, and drinking themselves at social events, definitely helped me see it as good, positive thing and a key part of socialising. Which did me lots of harm later as I struggled to quit because I could not accept it was possible to have a normal fun social life without drink, given that was the message my (lovely) parents had inadvertently reinforced since I was a teen......

Is there any research to show that allowing teens to drink in moderation means they are less likely to have problems with alcohol in adult life? I would be really interested if there is, and would happily admit I am wrong if so!

You misread my post. I said I imagine THEY will avoid it in future.