Should DD have been served alcohol?

[HangingOnJustAbout]

Two DD, 16 and 18, I allow DD16 alcohol (usually a small wine or half a cider) when we go out for meals. I believe this is legal, she drinks sensibly at parties anyway.

My dd went out with sis's dd 18 and 19 for a meal at a chain pizza place. They ordered a bottle of wine to be shared amongst them, all were ID'd which I'm sure is standard but they refused to allow DD 16 to share the wine and she ended up with a coke.

She wasn't that fussed, it was on Friday and has only just come up in conversation. I think she should have been served, she was having a meal with 3 legal adults. Should she have been? Maybe the adults need to have parental responsibility?

I'd have been with the restaurant on this - it's very different having a meal with parents and having a glass of wine than it is with other young people who are just above legal age themselves.

Perhaps they've had trouble in the past and didn't feel comfortable serving her with a young adult. Might of been different if the others were 25 plus.

Venues can use discretion as can obviously refuse to serve someone alcohol regardless of age.

They didn't, it was far more likely an inexperienced member of staff with no knowledge of the law or a blanket policy (that some staff don't seem to enforce).

Safeguard themselves more like.

It's ok for them to safeguard themselves though isn't it?

Yours ans your daughter ridiculous fancy is not worth a person's living

What on earth are you on about?

The larger chains generally have policy of 18 only. It's easier for them to train and embed that into their processes. We had a few times with DS before he turned 18. It was rare to find places that were comfortable to serve under 18. Smaller independents were more likely to be willing we found.

I think getting outraged over a very sensible judgement call by the restaurant is going to send the wrong message to your DD.

Is demanding alcohol at the earliest possible legal window sending a message of moderation?

Nonsense.
Out of all my kids' peers, they are the ones who had the best understanding of alcohol, its perils and their limitations. They were allowed alcohol from 15.

They can serve her, they chose not to. Possibly concerned teens would get rowdy/over drink. It's a risk assessment, a 17 year old with her parents is likely to behave more responsibly.

My dd (19) got refused alcohol in a shop as she had her younger sister (17). with her . They were concerned she was buying it for her.
I wouldn't be stopped if I (50) was buy alcohol with my teen in tow as statistically I'm less likely to be buying it for her. Equally if my elder dd had her 6 year old brother with her instead they probably wouldn't be too concerned.

To all those saying that allowing your teens to drink in moderation encourages a sensibl attitude to alcohol - I am (fortunately) living proof that it does not.

My parents allowed me to drink occasional wine with a meal as an older teen, for just this reason. It made absolutely no difference to the fact that I went on to abuse alcohol as an adult (am thankfully now sober and have been for years). If anything, it gave me a taste for it early, and associated it in my mind with fun nights out, celebrations, sepcial times etc and just having fun in general. Sadly I got to the point by my early 20s where I felt I NEEDED it to socialise and have fun.

I'm not saying I wouldn't have grown up to have problems with alcohol anyway - maybe I would. But please don't think it's a fail-safe means of giving your kids a sensible attitude towards booze, that's all I am saying ....

I won't be giving my daughter alcohol at 16, because we don't have it in the house (my partner is also sober). Her dad might do so (we are separated) and I won't stand in the way of that. But THE MOST important thing is that she knows I don't drink, knows why, knows the potential dangers of alcohol, and knows to treat it with respect, and that its impact is not always positive.

Mithering on about your daughter not getting served wine in the pizza place, to my mind gives the impression that alcohol is quite a key component of celebratory events for adults. It doesn't have to be.

Why you need to build you children's tolerance up to alcohol when they are young in a safe environment. Sending an 18 year old out with their mates to drink for the first time is dangerous. Also making alcohol an issue to children makes it more appealing.

there needs to be someone over 21 to purchase the alcohol. if they were all under 21 that would be why your daughter was not allowed to drink it. But yes, with an over 21 year old, anyone over the age of 15 can have half a pint or a small glass of wine when eating a meal.

And that’s why we have an issue with binge drinking in this country.

Op even though it's not illegal I don't think many places actually allow it, it's usually against their own set policies.

I very doubt that was the case.

Rather, they made assumptions (will get wasted).
Or weren’t sure of it was ok/didn’t want to take risks being pulled on letting her have alcohol when under 18.

waiters are not there to play the parent role.

It's a grey area despite the law as each venue will have their own rules, it isn't consistent. I've got no problem with a 16 year old having a glass of wine with a meal, it's hardly necking WKD in the park is it. And as others have said, she's less likely to go crazy at uni at 18.

I remember taking my DDs to a pub one evening for dinner with a friend of mine. My DDs were over 18 but one had forgotten her ID. Didn't matter, so we thought, as she was driving so obv wasn't drinking. I ordered a bottle of wine for us and a coke for her and the manager asked for ID for both girls. DD explained the coke was for her and she wasn't drinking etc but they wouldn't serve any of us alcohol! It was the strangest thing and they lost out on quite a big bill as we left and went somewhere else.

As others have said, it is legal, but down to the establishments own policy/discretion.

If it werent their standard policy, I'd imagine it was because she was with a sibling who was only a little older than her rather than a parent.

The issue is that the law is not clear.

If it says a 16+ can drink with a meal and in the company of adults then a restaurant shouldn‘t refuse it. An 18 year old is an adult, they may not be responsible enough but in the eyes of the law they are an adult.

I know 21 or 25 year olds who aren‘t a lot more responsible than an 18 year old.
Where do you draw the line unless you change it to „with parents and/or guardians“?

The rule that a restaurant can refuse just makes it even more an issue.

The whole 16-with-a-meal thing has always been a pretty nebulous and confusing rule to enforce. I was a waitress at a restaurant that was very strict about it - I had to refuse to serve a 21-year-old who was having a meal with her family because she didn't have ID.
And at the other end of the scale, I also worked in a village pub that was always serving minors ala Hot Fuzz, it was just the done thing.

Don't know where you are @wednesday32 but none of that is true in England

If this was me, I'd be really pleased honestly. I would want my dc to be with a responsible adult if they were served alcohol, not with what could potentially be an 18/19 year old friend. I think they made the right call.

From the gov.uk website

However, if you’re 16 or 17 and accompanied by an adult, you can drink (but not buy) beer, wine or cider with a meal.
If you’re 16 or under, you may be able to go to a pub (or premises primarily used to sell alcohol) if you’re accompanied by an adult. However, this isn’t always the case. It can also depend on the specific conditions for that premises.
It’s illegal to give alcohol to children under 5.

Someone touched on it earlier, but how were they planning on splitting the bill? Legally anyone under 18 cannot buy alcohol.
Easier just to refuse to serve alcohol to under 18s if with a group of similar age

But where does that mention the accompanying people have to be over 21, which is what you said earlier?