Living with someone who is hard of hearing

[whatisforteamum]

I find it quite stressful tbh.
Years ago dh was given hearing aids after joking for ages that. He tuned out from my chatter.
They take some getting used to so I had to bear with.
Nine or ten yrs later he still misses lots and repeating everything is exhausting.
He will wear them if we go out.
Anyone else constantly repeating sentences.
It causes arguments and misunderstanding.
I know it is not his fault.

But it is his fault as he has the solution, but doesn’t use it.

Could you write down various instructions to help communication

I'm hard of hearing and I wear my hearing aids all the time and it's like a whole new world for me, just having had them at the age of 37!

He needs new or better ones. My dad uses the NHS basic ones and he's still asleep deaf as a post with them in. My mum and I both spent the extra to get really good ones and they're life changing.

He will wear them if we go out.

Are you saying he won’t wear them at home? In which case it is his fault. If he does wear them but still misses things then he needs to have his ears checked to make sure they aren’t also blocked with wax which will stop him hearing, even with hearing aids.

But as a HOH person, I get that it's frustrating - it's as frustrating not being able to hear properly!

It must be awful to not hear or see as others do.
I agree but it's quite lonely for the person who has no one to converse with.

Does he say why he doesn't wear them at home?
Is it something that can be fixed by changing hearing aid or by an audiologist servicing them?

It is his fault if he chooses not to wear them.

Poor hearing is a big risk factor for dementia. Maybe knowing this would convince him to wear them all day at home?

It’s his fault he is deaf? I suppose he does it for attention?

Hearing aids have various levels of effect for different people - they aren’t a magic pill that makes your hearing perfect.

My mil never wears hers because they are uncomfortable and all they add is being able to discern if a noise is high or low pitched- they don’t help her hear extra sounds.

Is his hearing deteriorating? maybe learn BSL together?

Yes so frustrating. My DH has hearing aids but rarely wears them. What frustrates me most is him not replying that he HAS heard me, so when I repeat it he says I'm nagging.

I do find it incredibly frustrating sometimes, but what I tell myself is if he was blind I would be frustrated that he couldn't see where something was, or if he had a wheelchair that he couldn't reach the top shelf. But somehow hearing loss is allowed to be ridiculed by others and feels "selective" or "deliberate", when I know it isn't.

It's not as simple as that. Hearing aids are not a perfect solution and have many challenges. It's a bit like having a walking stick. It helps to some extent but it doesn't stop the problem being there and it's pretty useless in mud, tricky on a hill, slippy if it's wet etc.

It would take years to be fluent

Bondibeechtree

Better than nothing, though, if it means his wife doesn’t feel lonely and isolated?

It would take years to be fluent in BSL. But if this is going to be progressive, better start now!

My mum is super deaf and it's so fucking annoying because everything has to be said twice or often 3 x ! 🤦‍♀️

I have them too but I wear mine religiously even though I hate them because I don't want to be like my Mum or your dh !

My mum is very deaf these days. She wears her hearing aids as much as she can bear but does find them uncomfortable, so needs time without them too.

Things that help:

• always face each other when speaking. Even if you don't formally lipread, you pick up a lot just seeing the speaker's mouth
• enunciate! No need to shout but do pronounce each word clearly. Speak more slowly if necessary, to achieve this
• be prepared to repeat. Use a different word, maybe the hearer will pick up different syllables

It's exhausting in different ways for both parties.

I am HoH and wear hearing aids all the time, even when I'm home alone.

When I am out they don't actually help much, as the background noises are so noisy and they amplify all of that.

I don't understand why your DH doesn't wear them at home? Can you explore that with him?

It is very frustrating having to repeat yourself, and it's very frustrating not hearing.

@NearlyHeadlessNick could you recommend a type or brand that are better please?

@Alloveragain3 that's why I wear mine .
I'm 49'and have just been given them but this is the reason I make myself wear them even if they are uncomfortable.

My mother is like this, bless her! She has got so used to not hearing everyday background noise that when she wears her hearing aids it all seems too chaotic and noisy, so she only uses them for very particular occasions.

I can understand that, but I wonder whether if she kept using them she would re-learn how to tune out the “noise” and focus on the sounds that matter? I know it may not work that way, and it’s her choice. It just means that when I visit she spends a lot of time smiling and nodding and I know she hasn’t captured what I’m saying so I check and then have to say it louder so I feel like I’m shouting at the poor woman, for no apparent reason.

It’s hard to have a conversation about what’s doing well in the garden, or my friend’s new baby, when I’m having to pitch my voice at “angry football referee” level!! I would really struggle if this was with my partner and an everyday thing. Sending sympathy!

OP

I have hearing loss and tinnitus, and wear hearing aids all the time.

They are really quite discreet.

I also have an app on the phone so I can adjust the volume and minimise background noise.

I'm 58 and have worn them since about 54. It's not just old people.

Before I got them my husband was driven mad with the TV blaring, and me in a state as I couldn't hear and was exhausted with it.

My father is very deaf and point blank refuses to wear his aids. As a result he is isolated, cannot take a phone call, and his wife is at the end of her rope.

Your husband needs to get over it. Yes I felt very awkward and embarrassed at first but reality is I can't bloody hear without them.

I know it is frustrating for you guys who can hear well but its also bloody frustrating not being able to catch what people say when they say it!

Hearing aids are not a one size fixes every kind of hearing loss for many people. So many things like background noise and the type of hearing loss have a big impact on how well people can hear.

I think you need to adapt your communication methods with your DH - with any disability it's not just the disabled person that needs to adjust but also the family and friends.
For example - you know he can't hear you so get his attention before you start speaking. Stand in front of him, make sure he can see your face, turn the tv down etc. I feel a bit sorry for your DH - hearing loss is isolating and frustrating and turned into a joke. It is not our fault we cannot hear properly and even with aids many deafened adults still struggle.

I liked the response from the poster who talked about different types of loss - would you be so hard on him if his vision was going or his ability to walk?

And maybe he needs to go back to the audiologist for some adjustments too?
Maybe he needs some confidence to wear hearing aids, its tough acknowledging hearing loss when it is often poked fun at.

My mothers hearing is going I think. Quite often she mishears things or doesn't catch what you're saying and has the telly on loud. I'm more frustrated that she won't go and get her ears tested. She just doesn't want to deal with it and has admitted she doesn't want to wear hearing aids. It could be that she just needs her ears syringing but she won't bloody and get it looked at. I might be less frustrated if she'd at least look in to it.