What are your memories of going to friends houses when you were a child?

[MrsNandortheRelentless]

My child has had a pal round a few times and I make sure they feel safe, comfortable and have fun.

I was a child in the 70’s and feel somewhat traumatised by the way friends parents treated me and made me feel.

I ALWAYS felt ashamed of my scruffy clothes, that my mother took the absolute piss and dumped me, no food, no thanks, for days out with friends families with no money or didn’t offer to pay for me.

I remember going to a play place with an entrance fee and feeling utter utter panic that I had no money to get in.
I kind of looked round at the entrance for a suitable spot to wait for the family until they came out later in the day because I couldn’t pay to get in.

I distinctly remember the parents talking about the fact that they had not been given or even offered any money for me to get in on the journey there.

Playing with my friend in her house and being made to go into the garden and wait while they all ate sandwiches for lunch then being let back in when they had finished.

Feeling a nuisance even though I was almost mute with fear, trying to not make a sound so as not to annoy them and hope that maybe they might like me. Never asking for anything and keeping out of their way.

Obviously there was DV, abuse, neglect and a crap home life at home growing up. Adults were just fucking horrible everywhere I went.

Remembering this has made me the total opposite towards children who visit our house as I remember this so clearly.

What do you recall? Good, bad, funny?

I generally didn't have this experience, I'm a millennial.

As a child, I hardly remember going to a friends house to play, except on a few occasions.

I remember going to a nursery friends house who had a plastic Wendy house and metal spiral staircase. I went on 2 occasions, first I was a bit wild and running about in-between both and the mother didn't like it. The second time, they has packed up the plastic Wendy house. So she was no fun and the mother was over protective. I just wasn't interested in being her friend. Never went again or played with her again.

Apart from that, I mostly played outside in the park, at wedding or parties with my parents friends kids or other children, not at their house.

OP that's truly awful 😞 my mum never had much money but she never would have sent me somewhere knowing I would get left out or not get fed. I can't imagine making a child feel that way 💔

I think a lot of 70s kids got a rough deal one way or another. Dv was common. A block of 8 flats at least 3were dv and one paedophile later convicted.

I remember my friends house having a very distinct smell which I thought was air freshener but I realised as an adult that it was weed 😬 and the father must have smoked pot constantly

That’s horrible OP, my experience was nothing like that. I wasn’t sent to peoples’ houses with food or money, but if you invited someone you fed them. Same with friends who came to mine. We didn’t really go to places that cost money much with friends but I’m fairly sure if we did the parents who invited paid. For context I’m late 50s, so we’re mainly talking late 70s here.

That’s horrible and very unusual I’d have thought! I loved going to friends houses and would get taken away on holidays with a couple of them too, just in the UK but it was fun.

I'm sorry OP, it sounds horrible.

I feel very lucky that I lived in a suburb type area with lots of local friends and all the houses had an open door policy. The kids would all meet up in the morning and just call into whatever house we were nearest when we needed food, drink or toilets.

My friends house when I was in primary school was amazing for me. She was an unexpected child to older parents and her siblings had already grown up and moved out. She had everything. Wendy House, swing, double bed, TV in her room. I thought they must be millionaires. Her parents seved us red or white wine with dinner (actually lemonade or coke) and we always had 3 courses.

Funnily enough she never came to stay at my house.

I loved going to other people's houses and seeing how normal families acted. I felt safe there. Unfortunately parents usually only invited me once and then told their children to make other friends. My siblings and I were unkempt, a bit weird (undiagnosed ND and abuse) and I think we rang alarm bells.

That sounds horrid OP and I'm sorry you didn't have great experiences with adults growing up. My parents were divorced and one would let me play with other people and visit their homes where the other wouldn't. I had an odd childhood of seeing into the lives of 2 or 3 families one weekend and then being almost locked in on the next. I was a boarder so thankfully had a stable time of it in between, until the holidays rolled around at least!

What I remember most about a certain family's home I would play in were the fact they all just mucked in. The mum would shout out "chores!" and they all knew what to set to work doing. There were 4 kids in this particular house and 2 guests when the call went up one weekend and I have a clear memory of one of the boys grabbing all the clothes from the floor, flying room to room, another dusting the shelves and TV and another clearing off and cleaning the coffee table while the last got the hoover out. It was efficient and done in about 10mins tops. I had never seen anything like it and had no idea this was something that people did, let alone regularly! My mum always cleaned when I wasn't there and my dad simply didn't (and is unlikely to ever at this point!).

I had one friend whose house I particularly loved visiting - she was the youngest of five siblings and they lived, with their very boho, academic parents in a big, rambling and slightly shabby house.

Her parents were great fun and we would all sit down for dinner at an enormous dining table.

It did have a very distinctive smell and, in common with a PP, as an adult, I realised it was weed!

All quite far removed from my own rather more strait-laced upbringing, but they were good, kind people and I remember them fondly.

Born in 1991 - rural area with a lot of farms and a big council estate.

I do remember one house you couldn't sit on the sofa as it was permanently damp and my mum wasn't sure what with. We weren't allowed to use their toilet whilst there as it was black with dirt. Or eat. Their car had fungus growing in it.

Another house you weren't allowed to make noise as it would wake the father who was on heroin....

Another house where they had a lot of children, and their septic tank was knackered. I remember playing in the snow not realising we were playing in frozen raw sewage. They did have a massive concrete (Edwardian) silage tower however which was amazing fun to stand and shout in. Since been told 3 of their kids are in jail. Which tells you a lot about what was happening in that house.

Best friend age 11 though her house was amazing - her mum and dad frequently went to America for some reason, so they had stuff like American food, posh toiletries, teenage magazines, playstation and internet etc - we were allowed to stay up as late as we liked. Happy memories of her eldest brother playing the sims in the corner, she and I lying on futon watching Kerrang and Q music channels with popcorn in the early 2000s.

Where did you grow up OP? Especially not being allowed to have sandwiches at a friends house. That is awful! I can't imagine an adult allowing that!

My childhood was mainly during the 80's. I had friends at mine to play all the time and sleepovers. We would sometimes go to the seaside, a local petting zoo, cinema or other activity. I did overhear my parents discussing how my best friends parents never paid for any activities, and how they rarely invited me to hers to play.

A different friend when I was about 7/8, I did think at the time must have been poor. The mum would water down a cola drink before serving it, the never served any food at all.

I recall another friend had a dolls house her older sister had made entirely from empty tissue boxes. I had a regular dolls house, but thought it was the best thing I'd seen because it was so many stories high!

My friends massive house with an indoor pool! It was a state, you couldn't move for stacks of stuff, mags, books, toys, DVDs, tables were invisible under glasses, books, ashtrays, plates. There were multiple dogs, cousins and parrots.

I used to hide upstairs when their mum screamed and swore at them, once she threw a shoe at them. They gave as good as they got back. We didn't swear at home so it shocked me.

I remember having to eat whatever was served when staying for dinner whilst visiting, whether or not you liked it or it was cooked well or badly. It would be considered very rude to leave it.

The other parents could properly tell you off. If you and friend made a mess of the living room making a den with cushions and blankets for example, you'd both be told off in the same.

Friends parents who you knew a bit, you would have to call them "Aunty" or "Uncle" (plus their first name). It was considered rude to call friends' parents by their first name only. Unfamiliar or new friends parents you'd have to call Mr or Mrs (Surname). Friends parents who you knew well but were a bit superior/grand, you would not be invited or welcome to call them Aunty or Uncle and they would remain Mr or Mrs X forever.

Friends parents could make comparisons about their house and your family's house/lifestyle/belongings/car and express surprise or barely concealed disdain. You'd just have to take it on the chin.

My best friend lived about five doors away from me. We were very poor. They were a lot better off (two weeks in Spain every year, car in the drive etc...) and I was often included on days out because we never went anywhere (couldn't afford it, didn't have a car). Your line about being made to wait outside while they are brought back a really vivid memory of me being made to wait in the living room while they all had their lunch. I'm sure I was seen as the scruffy working class girl who they took pity on. But also, my family were always so lovely to my friend and her family were horrible to me. I once went round there bundled up in a big coat and jumper and had to wait for my friend to finish doing something. Her Mum didn't invite me to sit down, left me standing in the kitchen (which was roasting) and I nearly fainted! Now, whenever my DS has a friend round, I go out of my way to be friendly to them and almost be nicer to them than DS ( which I get told off about) because I still have memories of this Mum being so awful to me!

I remember my parents buying me a new outfit in the 1980s (I was about 5) that was a white blouse with a red pattern stitched on and red dungaree shorts. I went to my friend's house wearing it and her dad answered the door, burst out laughing and asked me if was wearing it for a bet.
He also shut us in the pantry one day and let off a stink bomb.

Wow, this is weird but I knew someone from school who lived in a house exactly like this right down to the swearing, the parrot and the indoor pool. Did you grow up in Warwickshire by any chance?

Oh yes, I recall being told off by a friends mum for sitting down on the sofa because I had not been invited to sit down. From then I never would sit down, just stand awkwardly feeling uncomfortable.

Friends always seemed to have nicer clothes, toys, food, homes than mine. It was such an escape from my own.

Oh god, this one is really outing...whenever me and my best friend had fallen out (or she was in Spain) I'd go play with these two other girls who lived in a house with their alcoholic Dad (the whole street affectionately referred to him as Pissed Pete) a woman and her two kids. But also two random lodgers. So the Mum of two kids and the Dad of two kids slept in a double bed and the four kids slept in two single beds - all in one room. And I'd sleep over!!! And would share a single bed with two other girls. And pissed Pete would get up in the middle of the night to vomit in a bowl next to his bed. I don't know whether my Mum knew all this but looking back, that's pretty neglectful parenting...

Jesus u poor thing

I've been thinking about this a lot lately as my children are starting to have friend around and visit others' houses. I've been quite conscious of leaving their friends with memories of our house and what they got up to.

I remember always having to eat what was served and profusely saying thank you for everything for fear of my mother being ashamed of me. It's funny now as my childrens' friends are generally very blunt and certainly don't walk on eggshells around us parents.

Red or white in primary?

Try reading the whole sentence.

One specific memory (in the 1990s) I was playing at my friend’s house and they were about to have lunch. I only lived down the street but they didn’t send me home when it was lunch time, they let me sit at the table but didn’t give me any food and told me I couldn’t have any.

I remember being around 7/8 and being very confused about it. They had plenty on the table as well. I was hungry, I don’t know why I didn’t think of just leaving but at that age you just do what the adults say.

Surely if a child is at your house over a mealtime you either cater for them or send them home! I could sit round a table and eat and let a kid just sit there with nothing, not even a drink.