What are your memories of going to friends houses when you were a child?

[MrsNandortheRelentless]

My child has had a pal round a few times and I make sure they feel safe, comfortable and have fun.

I was a child in the 70’s and feel somewhat traumatised by the way friends parents treated me and made me feel.

I ALWAYS felt ashamed of my scruffy clothes, that my mother took the absolute piss and dumped me, no food, no thanks, for days out with friends families with no money or didn’t offer to pay for me.

I remember going to a play place with an entrance fee and feeling utter utter panic that I had no money to get in.
I kind of looked round at the entrance for a suitable spot to wait for the family until they came out later in the day because I couldn’t pay to get in.

I distinctly remember the parents talking about the fact that they had not been given or even offered any money for me to get in on the journey there.

Playing with my friend in her house and being made to go into the garden and wait while they all ate sandwiches for lunch then being let back in when they had finished.

Feeling a nuisance even though I was almost mute with fear, trying to not make a sound so as not to annoy them and hope that maybe they might like me. Never asking for anything and keeping out of their way.

Obviously there was DV, abuse, neglect and a crap home life at home growing up. Adults were just fucking horrible everywhere I went.

Remembering this has made me the total opposite towards children who visit our house as I remember this so clearly.

What do you recall? Good, bad, funny?

Me small town in the midlands 1960s we just used to go in each others flats or play up the red wreck local park most of the time, small council estate and no one was any richer than anyone else, most families had lunch and dinner at about the same time so it was unspoken rule that you just went home when it was meal time as your own parents would feed you ,in summer maybe you would get a drinK of squash at someone elses flat ,

two of my childhood haunts stand out a friend at junior school he came from money big posh house parents were minor celebrities in their fields his mom was lovely and very gracious his dad was nice to me when i met him they didnt make me feel like the poor kid from the council estate, and we spent a lot of time running wild in their huge garden, sadly the house got knocked down in the 90s and turned into apartments .

the other one was my friend at secondary school who was of arab origin, three bedroom flat her and a lot of brothers if i remember right 4 their flat was clean but cluttered but the atmosphere there was one big happy family never ever felt unwelcome anywhere i went

my mom tolerated my friends but didnt really welcome them

my own kids late 70/80s all were welcome

I am a child of the 70s too. Waiting while the family ate and not being offered food was normal. If you were invited for a play date or to tea after school that was different, you would eat with the family.

There was lots of informal knocking on your friends’ doors to see if they could come out to play. In that case, if you were playing out with them or you were playing at their house, nobody offered you food at meal times. You would go home to eat. If it wasn’t your time for lunch or supper, you would wait while the family ate or go home. Then your friends would do the same when your family ate 😂

In fact, it was rather frowned upon to offer someone else’s child food without asking their parents first. The assumption being that lunch or supper would be being made at home for them already. If food was ever offered, even snacks, you would be sent home to check it was okay with your mum first in case it spoiled your appetite 😂

This is fascinating. I'd love to hear more about it, you should do an AMA.

I was always fascinated by other people's houses and families. When I was 10, I had a friend who had a snooker table taking up most of the living room and whose mum
( when not working in the bank) spent most of the morning in bed. The children all did chores in the house. Another friend at around the same time had amazing objects in her flat from the foreign trips that her brother went on and a sister who told us we weren't breathing properly! Later on, I had a friend who used to make me chocolate milkshakes using a liquidiser. I loved going there. I still like seeing how other people live.

Going to a friend's house for his birthday party one summer evening around 1973. He was 9 or 10. His younger siblings were about 4 and 6.

Lovely house, new build on the side of a hill, edge of a village. Those macrame flower pot holders, wooden stairs suspended out of the walls with no casing, windows from the floor to the ceiling. Very 1970's new build architectural style. Views over the local reservoir and a mum trying to keep it all together. It was a small village, with class sizes around 10 so two year groups were all invited.

One of the party games was something like "Charlie brought to my house an Aspidistra." The next child says "Charlie brought to my house an Aspidistra and a Bicycle." Child three says "Charlie brought to my house an Aspidistra, a Bicycle and a Coconut." This is how the game goes until each child is eliminated because the list gets longer and eventually they forget.

Their father was not home. He had been seen only occasionally since leaving for a job in Saudi Arabia earlier that year. His cycle of home visits stretched out longer and longer, until by the time of the party he was never coming home.

Emotions were high. "Why do we always have to play this game mother!" "It always has to be the Aspidistra game!" "Stupid game". Lots of tantrums and mother eventually breaking down in tears, cutting the birthday cake, tears falling into it as she did so. Bouncing of some pearls laid over a navy cardigan. Eventually I lost touch and rarely think about him and his siblings. I often think about her though and how her life ended up. She might probably be dead now. Men do horrible things to their spouses and families.

I could write a book about the lives and presentations of the people who lived in our villages. It would not be easy reading.

My best friend’s mum was as mad as a box of frogs - always super happy, dancing around and singing, very funny compared to my own parents. Their house was chaotic and messy but always filled with laughter and loudness and I loved going round. The mum died when we were teenagers and I was heartbroken.

Over 30 years later I’ve recently found out she died of chronic alcoholism. It honestly never occurred to me back then, but in hindsight it’s so obvious she was just permanently drunk.

RIP Mad Mags.

All throughout secondary school I would spend at least 2/3 nights a week at my friends house (my home was on pretty shit).

It great!
We would smoke, drink, play loud music etc but a few months ago it hit me that in the 5 years I was staying over on a weekly basis, I only ever saw her mum (no dad) about 3 or 4 times.
She was literally never there.

It made me really sad and at the time I didn’t realise how neglectful her mum was.

My first best friend - loved going to his house loved his mum and dad.

My friend who lived on a farm - big family lots going on - very warm mum. Loved it!

My best friend who lived in a barn in the middle of nowhere with her large boho "The Good Life" type of family. Lots of brothers drum kits guitars horses goats wandering around.

There were also friends whose houses had a very quiet depressed sort of feeling, things were clearly not too happy in one way or another. Their mins were very quiet or a bit snappy.

• mums

I remember lovely days out with my friends and I used to love going to their houses, particularly for nice meals, as my mum was very strict about what food we were allowed. My mum had an obsession with being poor when she wasn't though, and would always embarrass me by making a deal out of not being able to pay when we returned, even though the other family didn't want money, she was just after sympathy.

I remember most being really nice. Growing up ours was the cold, dirty house, so I rarely had people over but loved going to friends.
As a teen i virtually lived at some friends houses on the weekend and the parents were so lovely. Used to feed me homemade feasts (we only ate beige or microwave at home), and house wa swarm in winter. I still see them when I’m in the area and they are still always hospitable to me.

When Ds has anyone over I think I go the opposite. Full entertainment program and snacks. And the parents still come as he’s young. I hope when he’s older ours is the house his friends feel welcome at.

I didn't have people over to my house as my DP were always working and when they weren't they had very strict house rules that made it very embarrassing. My DM would think nothing of screaming at us if someone forgot to take their shoes off for example. It was not a nice atmosphere. I spent a lot of time at friends houses and I think they eventually got sick of me hanging around. One in particular would get me to sit in the living room while her 6 children ate lunch/dinner (always served family-style so more than enough food for everyone). Every meal was home made from scratch (including bread) and it was always a treat if she said I could join them. That particular mother began greeting me, in a very bored tone "oh, hello again Juanita" if I rang the house phone or came to play. I also would hear her asking her DC when I was going home. She would ask if I wanted to ring my mum to collect me as well. I understand why but would never personally make a child feel so unwelcome.

As DM worked so much she had no relationships with other parents so everyone else always seemed closer than I was to each other. DM would also accept offers of childcare or other mothers collecting me from school and me waiting at their houses. No payment was exchanged and I suspect they grew tired of the arrangements. I remember always being quiet and not wanting to upset anyone or make a nuisance of myself. I would sit on the edge of the seat, fiddling with my uniform, coat and backpack still on, until my DM would arrive and beep from outside. One friend had Ribena in their house and I would always love it when offered a glass as we had nothing but milk or water at home. As a result my house is always full of children and I feed them all snacks and meals. Everyone is treated as my own and welcome.

I was a child in the 80s and you were always fed at friends’ houses - though I suspect that by then it was far closer to the modern “play date” than you describe here. We definitely didn’t just play in and out of each others’ houses - it was quite a lower-to-middle-middle class area, so not much playing out on the street even in the 80s. You would be invited back for tea or for a Saturday at a friend’s house, and that always without question covered food with the family, and your hosts would of course pay for any special trip out or treat (your mum would offer, the hosts would decline and then you would be sent with a bit of spending money for the shop/souvenirs/treats, but would never be expected to pay for tickets/food etc.) I never once experienced playing at anyone’s house and not eating with the host family, or having to bring money to pay for entry at any day out.

This would have been around 1983-1990. It was quite common to be invited round to spend a weekend day or afternoon at someone’s house, but it was always prearranged with parents and you’d be dropped off by car, and either picked up by your parents, or their parents would drive you back.

I have lovely memories of a couple of friends I was particularly close to, one whose mum made fabulous loganberry crumbles and who had a Barbie Dreamhouse; and my best friend, whose parents were very Christian and always very kind (and they had a soda stream, Ice Magic, a cat and a swing boat swing set, and would let us make “perfume” all day from the flowers in their garden and record pretend radio shows on their hi-fi). Happy days!

Everyone’s house always seemed more easy going and tidier than mine. But as a child I was an incredibly fussy eater so I dreaded being offered dinner at some places!

My bedroom you could barely swing a cat in so I always loved going to my friends who had amazing big bedrooms. It’s funny what you remember

I grew up on a council estate in the 70s. Playdates didn't exist, and we never played in each others houses - we didn't set foot in them, apart from very rarely or if invited to a birthday party. We played out in the street and nearby all year round. I could name all the neighbours 45/50 years on, but can't remember going into any of the houses, apart from next door. They were quite flash, had plush cream carpet, ranch doors and Camp coffee 😁

As secondary, it became quite normal to stay over at others, especially as school and home was in a different town to most of my friends. This was a really mixed bag. There were some very affluent families with massive detached houses. I remember getting chinese takeaway aged about 13/14 and they asked me what I wanted. And I had no idea, as my takeaway knowledge was limited to fish/sausage/pie and chips. Those girls were quite happy to come back to our more modest dwelling (at least as far as I know). I never remember feeling bad.

I’m black, that’s my answer🤣 the ones who get it, get it!

Always an eye opener when you realise other families live different to you!
I was lucky I grew up in an area in the early 70s with a lot of young families with kids similar ages to me and my siblings. We were in and out of each others houses. My experiences were overwhelming positive. Most mums were like mum. I remember being sat on the kitchen sink with scrapes and cuts whilst somebody’s mum or another got the dettol and band aids out.
My big shocker was a family saying grace before having their tea. I thought that was super weird. One friend’s mum was always sat with a tumbler of whisky and a constant cigarette which she flicked into a marble ashtray. I found this both equally shocking and impressive

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