What are your memories of going to friends houses when you were a child?

[MrsNandortheRelentless]

My child has had a pal round a few times and I make sure they feel safe, comfortable and have fun.

I was a child in the 70’s and feel somewhat traumatised by the way friends parents treated me and made me feel.

I ALWAYS felt ashamed of my scruffy clothes, that my mother took the absolute piss and dumped me, no food, no thanks, for days out with friends families with no money or didn’t offer to pay for me.

I remember going to a play place with an entrance fee and feeling utter utter panic that I had no money to get in.
I kind of looked round at the entrance for a suitable spot to wait for the family until they came out later in the day because I couldn’t pay to get in.

I distinctly remember the parents talking about the fact that they had not been given or even offered any money for me to get in on the journey there.

Playing with my friend in her house and being made to go into the garden and wait while they all ate sandwiches for lunch then being let back in when they had finished.

Feeling a nuisance even though I was almost mute with fear, trying to not make a sound so as not to annoy them and hope that maybe they might like me. Never asking for anything and keeping out of their way.

Obviously there was DV, abuse, neglect and a crap home life at home growing up. Adults were just fucking horrible everywhere I went.

Remembering this has made me the total opposite towards children who visit our house as I remember this so clearly.

What do you recall? Good, bad, funny?

Newestname002

Thanks and yes, I got away at 16.

I am a very different parent and host because of my memories.

I think some of the adults in situations where children are left out of meal times are just controlling arseholes to be honest.
I remember my husband making a comment about my children's friends coming over for tea along the lines of 'why should we pay to feed someone else's child'.
He grew up in poverty and apparently it was quite common to go hang out with your friends for the day and not expect anything to eat or drink until you went home to your parents, so to him it was an alien concept that people are actually willing to feed other peoples children.
After a brief conversation with me about it he did realise it was ridiculous not to expect to feed your children's friends, he now offers a meal to anyone here around meal times even if they weren't necessarily invited for food and no one leaves hungry or left out of anything.
I wasn't allowed to sleep over at anyone's house, ever. No reason was ever given but I think it was because my parents didn't want to reciprocate but it made my teen years awkward and pretty miserable (especially at 16/17 when they were still picking me up 9pm) so I have told my kids if they want a sleepover I will always try to say yes and won't say no without a good reason.

I remember a friend, who was an only child, pretty much left unsupervised all day because her parents were shopkeepers and were behind the counter. The house was attached to the shop, so she was in the same building, but basically had to amuse herself from 9am to 5pm from the age of about 8. I think she had a very lonely childhood.

That's terrible. I couldn't imagine being so cruel to a child.

It wasn't until I was older I went to friends houses and we just got on with things including food ourselves.

I was an only but my DF used to always say that everyone has or no one does.

One lovely family seemed so delighted to have me there they put on a huge dinner. One friend's mother was quite belittling towards me and our friendship fizzled out.

My DS was actively allowed to have friends over all the time. If we went somewhere I paid. I always fed all his friends well.

I grew up in a small Yorkshire mill town in the 60s, and it was very "villagey" - everyone pretty much knew everyone else, and kids were in and out of each other's houses quite freely. There always seemed to be jam butties or something similar on the go, and I never recall going hungry.

I can only recall feeling unwelcome once or twice, when I was hurried out of my friend's house by her mother because"Uncle Billy" was coming round, and they both needed to go for a "rest". Apparently, Uncle Billy came round quite often when my friend's dad worked away, to keep her mum company.

I didn't twig for years.

I have very happy memories of going to friend’s houses.

My closest friend when I was in primary school was a boy in the next village. His parents were both vets and they lived in a cottage, which was full of animals, at the end of a lane. As such there was never any traffic so we would play out on the road all the time. The house was rather ramshackle and there was a shed full of stuff so we would build proper go-carts with pram wheels and bits of wood. I remember always feeling welcome there. Always fed and watered. They moved away to a village just outside Inverness, the mum and dad were Scottish, and even though it was a long way from the West Country where I lived I went up to stay with them once.

Another friend who I spent a lot of time with was a boy over the road, one of only three children in my village. Him mum and dad were lovely but a slightly odd pairing. Dad was great but a very strait laced bank manager. Mum was housewife (as it was in those days) and was from a traveller background. She was very generous with food and drink, and we were allowed coke, which I wasn’t allowed at home. But she kept the house spotless. The sofas were covered in plastic and there was plastic floor covering forming a path way around the house to protect the carpet. No food or drink was allowed upstairs.

I loved going to friends houses when I was a kid in the 60s.
Didn’t matter if they lived in “posh” houses with gardens or the same terraced house I did I was just amazed the parents talked to their children and listened to them . I was used to being talked at and ordered around. I once ran away from home, aged about 7 , went to best friend’s house and announced I’d come to live with them. It was not a good outcome☹️

Also as a child of the 70's I don't remember going anywhere with friends that involved 'paying' until one of my friends 11th birthday and I recall that being a major treat and they were a rich family so quite unusual. When I was little, thankfully I didn't experience what you did OP, but we didn't go places with friends we just went to their houses, they came to ours or we went to the local field/walk/bikes so no money involved ever. Birthday parties were always at home (with the exception of example above). If you are talking post GCSE age teens then we worked in jobs and used that money to go out.
If I went out with my mum and dad then it was most likely for walks or to somewhere free and we took a picnic and every once in awhile maybe got an ice-cream.
I don't consider my childhood to be deprived, it seemed perfectly normal as I recall. My parents spent money on our home and also gave us opportunities with extra curricular activities and didn't feel the need to spend on entertainment, not that there was a lot for children back then!

How awful op. I'm sorry. : (

I played with friends and at friends a lot. Had quite a lot of freedom. Most of my friends parents were more hospitable than mine even though my parents had more money.

I don't love hosting playdates but do it for my kids. Would never let their mates go hungry or not pay if we were going out for the day (although would prefer if a contribution was at least offered as am single parent.)

My friends mum was always feeding us and fussing over us and I loved it as didn't get much of that at home!

Child of the 80s here.

Must admit, people weren't actively encouraged to come to our house, we would always be told to go outside and play and we were never allowed to go or have sleepovers.

That sounds horrible, OP-your parents put you in a really difficult position there-that wasn’t fair on you or the parents she did this to.

My experience of going to other people’s houses in the 80s was very different. We had very similar houses to each other and it was great fun. The parents were nice and got on with mine. Play dates were reciprocated and we never went anywhere that cost money.

Playing with my friend in her house and being made to go into the garden and wait while they all ate sandwiches for lunch then being let back in when they had finished.

This was fairly common where I grew up, also in the 70s/80s. Kids you were playing with used to go in for their dinner and we’d wait in their garden till they finished, we were very rarely invited in. I think the adults were pretty fierce in the 70s.

I remember going round to my friend’s house about aged 6/7 and he was being naughty and his mum pulled down his trousers and smacked his bare bottom in front of me 😳

I lived under communism and we were all had wonderful families, grand parents who took us daily in holiday time for a pastry or cake, lemonade and typical local non alcoholic drink, buying freshly baked bread with grandma, then sitting in the yard and playing just with my neighbours kids, never called them friends, just the kids we played with. Going on long rides to get to nearest public swimming pool with natural hot spring spa water, and still working on the fields and helping grandma with producing vegetables. Then open fire to make marmalade, tomato and pepper sauces, or when we had the pig slaughtered for Christmas and we made sausages.

Deeply saddened to see what a horror story western kids have been through and actually we had it so good under communism.

When I was a child in the early 60s, it was so unusual to have sleepovers, we didn’t even know the word. If there was a family crisis or something like that, then it might happen, never just for fun.
Similarly, invitations to tea were more formal and not spontaneous. It was considered polite to leave at mealtimes, not the least because your own meal was waiting. But you might get an orange squash and a slice of cake when playing at someone else's house.
Mostly, my friends would come to my house because we had a lot of space and large gardens to play in. But there was one friend who had loads of sisters in a small house, and I used to love going round there because it was so warm and busy.

@Giggorata yes I agree that going for tea was a special occasion and arranged in advanced in my world too.

The only thing I can remember is going to a friend's for tea and being served Ryvita with cress on top. That was tea, nothing else. In the 1970's.

70s parenting has a lot to answer for…

I was rarely allowed friends over (my Dad didn’t like it ) On the rare occasions I did, once they’d left I’d be shouted at for ages about all the things they’d done (been too loud, stayed too long …). Nothing awful had happened - just two excited little girls playing with the pippa dolls. I made sure my own home is the complete opposite. I’d never want my DCs to feel as I did.

Well that's just really sad OP and I'm sorry the adults in that situation weren't kinder. I can't imagine not being able to stretch to a jam sarnie even if money was tight for them.
I played and had sleep overs at lots of friends houses in the 80's. All fairly standard stuff just hanging out not very often an activity. Maybe swimming sometimes.
One mum used to brush my hair so roughly as it was often tangled in the morning and I remember thinking she didn't like me much as she was hurting me.
I loved seeing how different families were and what they had for tea etc.
The only time anyone was unpleasant I was actually college age and went back to a friends house to do some work together and she got called down for tea and they left me on my own!
So odd. Not even offered a snack and they were super wealthy.

OK snarky

OP that is awful - the families you were with should have given you a sandwich or food, and if they took you out somewhere they should have paid for the basic treat (or if they couldn’t afford it, made sure your parents were sending you with enough money). Absolutely awful and heartless to treat another child like that.

I had a freinds house I visited regularly in the early 70s. They lived by a river so we had fishing nets. Went swimming, got muddy and her mum threw us all in the bath together when we got back and fed us. She treated me like one of her own and my mum did the same with her.

It was lovley and I love her parents dearly.

Much sympathy for all of the awful stories on here. It was very different where I grew up (Midlands, 70s/80s) - I had two best friends on our road and our houses were almost interchangeable, there was no need to arrange “play dates” like these days, you just went and knocked and asked if they could play - always welcome (as they were at our house) and all the mums were called second/third mum, they were lovely to me and my mum was lovely to them! We all still keep in touch even though I’ve moved away.

I’m trying to encourage the same for my kid, the other children seem happy to call around, just haven’t cracked getting close to the parents though, they seem to want to stay a bit distant.

That's sad OP.

I was also a child in the 70s and my memory of going to friends houses in respect of food was that because we all lived close we would play together morning /afternoon or evening, but always return to our own homes at mealtimes - apart from the odd occasions where our mums had agreed for us to spend the whole day as our own mothers wouldn't be around that day.

Most of my friends lived in similar houses to me (3 bed semi) and had one or two siblings. We either played in our bedrooms (dolls when younger, listening to music when older) or we went out to the park, swimming or walked to a nearby town. Aged around 10 we would normally have to take friends' younger siblings out with us .

I mean its just basic manners to read the full sentence someone has written before pulling them up on what they have said but maybe thats just me 🤷‍♀️

I feel lucky reading some of these. I grew up in the 90s. My friends' parents were nice and kind, as we're mine. We'd get fed and run of the house depending on who's we were at. We'd have sleepovers with film and sweets and takeaways as we got older. I don't think I was unwelcome anywhere.