Have you ever ghosted a friend?

[Lemonllama]

I have seen a few threads where people have been ghosted by a friend. It got me thinking, have you ever ghosted a friend and why? What spurs the act of ghosting?

Nope never. Haven't been ghosted either

Yes, twice. Regret one but not the other. I admit I judged both for cheating on their husbands but one was a one off and the other was a decade plus affair during which she snorted the affairs baby TWICE. I couldn't stand witness to it any longer while being expected to make small talk with her poor husband.

Not my circus. Walked away.

Aborted. Not snorted. Such a serious thing, terrible typo.

Fucking lunatic. The one I ghosted was similar. No regard for what anyone else might be doing in their own lives. Demanding all your time and attention and the more you give the more they wanted. Trampling over every boundary that was put in place. I tried to back away for many years and in the end had to ghost x

Yep, block any aggressive FB posters. Blocked/ghosted a professional victim. I get people have bad times and would go out of my way to support them, but realised that she didn't ever want to be happy and the anger at others was draining my soul. Lastly ditched the friend who only wanted me in her life for a holiday (live in the SW). Have no regrets. I'm usually very forgiving and a bit of a push over but my life is better without these people. I wish them well, but happy never to see or hear from them again. Sadly the professional victim sends in the flying monkeys at least once a year!

Only once. She was a chronic canceller and would cancel plans with flimsy excuses then send messages about her dating life so clearly able to drag herself out for things that were important to her. If she did show up she'd often be really late so I'd be sitting in a cafe alone for an hour, or worse, queueing for a table in places that wouldn't seat you till all the party arrived. I ghosted because when I maintained contact I got sucked into thinking we were actual friends and making plans again and the cycle would continue.

I'm sure I have quite a few times but atm I am gently edging away from a friend I've known for over 30 years. I feel a bit bad about it but I've realised I don't need the friendship any more. It's always the same conversation with her eg. "I can't believe how big your brother is!" (even though I've told her before) "are you having your sister over for Christmas?" (no, I haven't for about 7 years), have you heard from your stepmum (no and she knows there's no chance of that). I was v upset about my dad dying and after about 5 mins she cut me off and told me all about her sister who she doesn't even like who'd had a minor car accident.

Biggest thing though is I got diddly squat for my big birthday last year, she made no effort to come and see me or even put a card in the post. I put a lot of effort into her big birthday. Maybe she's ghosting me too though I would have no idea why

Yes. Multiple times unfortunately. One friend who was totally uninterested in my life and wouldn't have been able to tell you what job I did. Every meet up was dominated by talk of her previous boyfriends ( from when she was 14 even though she was a 45 year old mother) and she used me as a cover to cheat on her husband. Looking back her whole life revolved around men, to an obsessive level, she had no other interests and had never worked. Oh and to top it off, every where we met from the time to the place was decided by her with no regard for my working hours ! She was genuinely puzzled that I couldn't go for coffee on a Monday afternoon and implied I should take annual leave for those rare occasions!

I have cut people out before now, but told them why. I've also been cut out at least once (the feeling was very mutual), but I knew why.

I've never ghosted anyone and not been ghosted either. I think it's harsh as the person doesn't know what they've done wrong. A good friend of mine was ghosted by someone he considered a friend and he was gutted. It's a horrible way to end a friendship imo. The only time I'd cut someone out with no explanation would be if I was scared of them

My "friend" was calling me in the middle of the night, random times throughout the day with demands and requests that I couldn't meet.

She was the type of person who would turn up at your house. She would buy things for me that I hadn't asked for and then use this against me when she wanted something.

I absolutely dreaded her calling.

The only option was to block her on everything.

This thread makes me feel better about the woman I guess I ghosted. She was someone who would ring me and talk at me for 2 plus hours, and when I tried to end the phone call she would say crossly, I'm just finishing this story, and it would go on for another twenty minutes when I'd saym I really must go, and I'd get stuck somehow again. I had/have quite bad boundaries. I tried doing a slow fade for about ten years! In the end, my number changed and I just didn't tell her. She gives me very nasty looks when I see her about town.

Yeah my BF. She lives abroad and had gotten remarried (there was some comments about me not coming to the wedding when I was very heavily pregnant). Anyway she was coming for a visit and just never turned up. They were meant to be staying for 2 weeks. I think she had a better offer. She had form for unreliability and I’d put up with it for 25 years but this was ridiculous.
I did briefly hear from her before she left the country to tell me how incredibly busy she was and couldn’t fit us in.
She then a year later after zero contact asked me to pay for a holiday for her and her DH. Never replied.
I can see on FB she’s become ultra religious and a covid denier, a massive personality change for her.

Yes I was friends with my neighbour for years and we'd meet once a week for a coffee, when we moved out of the block of flats that we shared I got an electricity bill for £4000!
He'd rigged the meter when he moved in (few months before me) and went 6 years without paying a penny.. he admitted this to me but asked me not to tell the energy company and just try and argue with them until they gave up on getting the money.
Shame because I thought we were good friends but the last time I see him (6 years ago now) I just thought there's no point in arguing with you about this, I acted as normal as always finished my coffee and blocked him that evening.

Wow, what happened with the bill?

Yes, a couple of times. One was an old friend who, along with her husband was spouting offensive men’s rights nonsense and after vocal disagreement I decided life’s too short to continue that friendship when we’d already been drifting apart.
The other was a neurotic controlling Queen bee type of school mum, whose child was the best friend of mine. They weren’t getting on for a short while.. too outing to go into but had to ghost her for the sake of mine and my child’s sanity.

Dont regret either, but maybe wish I’d had the strength or courage to be more explicit about why I was cutting them out.

One so called friend I ghosted after dreadful treatment that could of got me arrested and a criminal record
sent in her flying monkey after I ghosted her , who told me that I was the problem because I was holding a grudge ! No love , actions have consequences. I know that if the boot had been on the other foot I would have been the social outcast .

Yup. I don’t regret walking away from the ‘friendship’ but I do regret not being clear on why. I had tried a few times to discuss her behaviour but she would either cry or twist it back on it being my insecurity. The irony is I met her through a wider group who all ghosted her for the same reasons & warned me off. Stupidly I believed the sob stories!

She had to be queen bee, centre of attention & needed someone inferior as a foil when in public so people would remark on how beautiful she was. After one conversation where she criticised everything from my teeth to where I was planning to buy a flat I had it. Never answered a call or text again.
She was outraged & continued for months to leave me voicemails warning me if I didn’t call back I’d ’know about it’. I never did.

Weirdly ended up on a round email from her new husband bragging about their new extension, recent holidays and tedious life updates. Also included pics of their kids. The daughter dressed like a mini me & posing exactly as she used to in pics & I felt so sorry for that child because her teenage life will be made miserable because she either won’t meet her mother’s beauty standards or be a threat.

Yes. A friend since 6th form, we had loads in common and would talk daily. Then she told my stbxh I'd logged into his FB and found out about his affair. We cooled for a while. Then she had a go at me for not reaching out to a mutual acquaintance who had put a "poor me" statement on FB. I suggested she did instead. We stopped talking for some time, then sporadic contact.

I knew she was depressed, lonely and isolated so I stayed in touch, plus misguided loyalty. Then she made a nasty comment about me going to church. I thought, "I've had enough" and blocked her.

I still think about her but I believe I did the right thing. She didn't have my back and was frequently unpleasant towards me. One day I'll find qnother friend with the same interests and without the nastiness.

DH also had an ex-colleague (female) who he kept in touch with for years and years and saw when she came back to the area. Nothing going on, she used him to complain her various work issues mostly.
He was very unwell in hospital and she had messaged him, I replied that he was unwell and couldn’t reply at the moment. Never heard from her again, she never even enquired if he was okay.

This happened to me recently, first time. I’d know this friend for a year, mostly online, we messaged multiple times every single day - was quite intense I guess, mostly about men, toxic ex support, dating etc. Literally knew everything about each other. Anyway, I had a massive health scare that the drs thought was an aggressive cancer… told this friend, she said “I’m sorry”, then carried on messaging about her sex life and how she imagined her life years to come. Bit odd. Then the day before I was to get my diagnosis, she sent reams about the type of man she wanted etc. I was beside myself with anxiety at that stage and told her “I can’t take this in today, will get back to you”. To which she promptly blocked me! Couldn’t quite believe it… she still doesn’t know the outcome of my health (was fine, thank goodness)!

I had a friend from work who I really liked. After we stopped working together we didn’t really have much in common, and conversation was just about people we used to work with. She did some weird things such as arranging to meet me, I waited for her and she never showed up and said she was busy at work (but didn’t even text to let me know?!)
She then went through a grievance at work and wanted my advice on it constantly, as I work in that field. I didn’t mind at all giving my thoughts and sending voice notes etc but she wanted to speak on the phone all the time about it which I just didn’t feel I had time for. It was at the beginning of the pandemic when all communication was suddenly online and I didn’t want to spend hours extra on the phone with her.
It became a draining friendship and I tried to let her down gently by saying I was stressed and busy and would contact her when I was able to meet, but she kept messaging. Eventually I ghosted her. I feel bad about it now, as I enjoyed our friendship.

I'm being ghosted by two friends at the moment, neither of whom know each other.

The first I've known for 30 years and have messaged and called a few times over the last two years but she's ignoring me.

The second I've known about 10 years, never messages me first so I took a step back to let her initiate (which she didn't).

Decided in a last ditch attempt at contacting them both and they've both responded in the same way (ignoring me).

Now I just laugh at their epic rudeness. I'd rather be me than them.

Wow, what happened with the bill?

@Funkyslippers
It took months of arguing with the energy company (friend knew about this but still wanted me to keep quiet)
Citizens advice helped me in the end and the debt was taken of my name. I've no clue if they chased my neighbour.
I thought it was crazy that he got away with it for so long but my son is an electrician and explained that it's really easy to rig electric meters.

The first time I was ghosted was at school - literally overnight my BFF stopped talking to me. A day became a week became a term etc etc
Gradually, the other girls in my class stopped asking her why (she never ever answered them) and became her friend rather than mine.
As it was the 80s, this was not thought to be bullying by me (or anybody else) but I do think that it impacted greatly my attitude to friendship / trust in that I don't have any now.
I have ghosted x2 people myself - as an adult (of course I believe I had great reasons; the latest was an ex colleague only last year - she upset me with her opinions of how I was grieving wrong)