Have you ever ghosted a friend?

[Lemonllama]

I have seen a few threads where people have been ghosted by a friend. It got me thinking, have you ever ghosted a friend and why? What spurs the act of ghosting?

Just once. A friend of several years who repeatedly chatted super excitedly to me about her new boyfriend. Told me loads about him, including that he’d only recently split with his wife. Then cried on my shoulder when he decided to go back to his wife. Another friend then let me know that the ‘boyfriend’ was my brother that I’m NC with because he assaulted me, assaulted his wife and threatened to set my house on fire. She knew the whole story with him and still sat in my home talking gushing about him.

I did a bit of digging on social media, discovered the friend was right and blocked my friend everywhere then and there.

Yep. I new friend who was added into our circle, she had mh issues which was fine, she lived alone and didn't drive (relevant)
It became clear that her love language was acts of service and she was thrilled to have all these new people who would love to help her with jobs.
It got to a point where she put up a list to ask who wanted to help her or drive her to do each of those things..!
It was sad because she obviously needed to feel loved in this way but she already had a few friends who were obviously trying to push back. I'm disabled and find my own life hard enough without being someone's pa and driver

Interesting how the people who have ghosted always have really good reasons and the people who have been ghosted always say there was no reason and they can’t understand it

Yes. Friends since secondary school. We had our children at the same time and she turned from a laid back close friend into a hugely competitive parent. Once I realised I dreaded seeing her I made excuses for not meeting up then just ignored contact. I don't regret it. Life's too short to spend time with people you aren't comfortable with.

It's not always you O/P sometimes it is sometimes it isn't . Very few friendships last for life . There is an old saying : Friends for a reason, friends for a season. I would be very wary of people who are very friendly too quickly , in my experience they usually want something from you.

I tried to. Old university friend who always felt she had it worse than everyone else despite the opposite being true. Couldn't see anyone else's point of view or accept any different opinions. I decided to stop contacting her but she kept getting in touch so in the end I told her straight out that we needed to face the fact we weren't really friends anymore and that I wouldn't be contacting her again. I had a series of ranty messages telling me how awful and wrong I was so I blocked her.

Yes, friends for many years (20 odd). Always me did the contacting but that was fine. Saw each other once a week or so. Then she came out as bi. Married and her husband accepted it and she started getting girlfriends. From then on that was THE sole topic of conversation. For years. I stopped contacting her and never heard from her again.

Bumped into her in a shop and exchanged a few words. Then she said 'give me a ring sometime'. No, how about YOU give ME a ring?

Yes, after years of being close and having a lot of fun together I realised she was my toxic friend.
Made me feel stupid, made a fool of me in front of people and was obviously annoyed when I lost weight and was no longer her “fat” friend.
She moved to UAE and I saw it as a perfect time to drift apart.
She tried a few times, over the years to re kindle the friendship, but although I was tempted I could still remember the feelings she brought out in me.
I surround myself in friends who are the opposite of her now.

Yes once (longest friend) I found her boring and judgemental anyway but because we knew each other so long I felt we should make the thing work. But then she used to criticise me under the disguise of caring about me. It just got too much when I had my first baby I literally did not not want anyone spoiling this happy time of my life.
for months she hounded me with letters in the door. Stayed outside my house waiting for me to come home. Went to visit my parents. She still contacted me ten years later. It transpires a lot of her friends sent off the scene.

I posted above about intentionally ghosting someone, but there are also loads of friends I have lost touch with over the years. I’m generally not very pro-active with my friendships and also find it hard to keep track of who I should be contacting/making an effort with. I say this to you just to give the other side of the coin - I realise some of those friends may feel they’ve been ghosted by me, and though yes, it is all on me, it’s not an active decision based on something I didn’t like about them. It’s life circs and my personal failings.

(I also wonder if I’ve been ghosted by people and just never noticed!)

Yes - she was compulsive with her phone calls. Would ring and ring and ring until you answered the phone. It would happen late at night and first thing in the morning so I would think something awful had happened. If I ignored and didn’t answer she would call from a different number or withhold her number.
She wasn’t lonely , had lots of friends and did this to everyone.
She got me into trouble at work due to calling repeatedly. I spoke to her about it. She then started calling me repeatedly when I was at my dying father’s bedside. That was it. Blocked her and haven’t seen her since. It was the utterly self absorbed need for instant gratification.

Yep that’s exactly what it means and exactly what people are describing :)

Yes. Not a close friend and someone who had traits I didn't like, but I foolishly ignored them till I was on the receiving end of one if her woke, smug, super lefty patronising "educations". I'd always been able to tell her when she was being rude and snotty to others (she often asked me) and till then we were honest with each other, but she really went for me one time on facebook and I chose to just close the doors. Not good friends, as I said, and she did have some redeeming features, but the balance just tipped away from them. I'd had enough.

Yep! During an what's app group chat with three friends. Friend 1 told us how she was struggling as she'd needed to go to food bank that day. Solo parent who was self employed and tried hard. Friend 2 who was pregnant perked up with I'm worried going to struggle so much when baby comes, us not knowing her exact wage said you'll get child benefit which may help - nope she says 'I earn too much, you can't get it over 55k can you'. Knowing she owned a good 50% of her house, had no debts and had savings there. I just thought it was completely ignorant toward friend 1 who couldn't afford to feed her own children that week: I know it's all relevant but this was just the icing on the cake to similar situations. This was two years ago - I blocked immediately and never spoke to her again...

Yes. She was a bit single white female. She started messaging friends of mine she's never met trying to befriend them, copying how I dress. Then giving nasty opinions on my life. I blocked her on everything then she started messaging my husband which he ignored. She still tries to message me on some channels if I haven't blocked her on those. I have been ghosted before but I don't know the reason. I guess she had her reasons for it.

I've actually spoken about this before, possibly on here. I think ..

There's this woman in my village about half a mile away from me. We both moved here, roughly at the same time - me 3 months before her, nearly a decade ago. We joined the same women's group, and we became quite friendly. She's only about three or four years older than me.

I thought she was okay and her husband was okay too. Me and my husband went out with them to the local pub about 7-8 times. But after a few months, maybe 4 or 5 months, they started to show their true colours.

He was rude and insulting and criticised my husband's weight a few times ... They mocked us renting, (which we were at the time.) They said my daughters were both 'forever in education - and it looks like they didn't want to work' because they both had gone to school, and college and uni, and younger DD was doing a master's degree, whilst older DD was having a gap year for travel. (Both nearly 30 with their own home, and in well paid professions now!)

She kept prodding and poking and poking and prodding - as to why I do part time work - because she was. doing full-time 45 hours a week. She wanted to know how we could afford a new car. (It was actually 4 years old, so not really new!) And she asked why my DH had not got to managers position yet at work - (it was because HE DID NOT WANT IT.)

Then she started asking questions about my family and why I hardly saw them - (was because they lived 40-50 miles away,) and why I only saw three or four extended family members and if I had had a row with the others... (err no, we just drifted apart after our parents passed - and we all moved away and just have occasional contact now.)

She started asking questions about why my brother had moved overseas - and wondered if it was something I had done. (NO! We were/are quite close, but some people move away!!!)

She would text me and if I didn't answer within 15 minutes, she'd be at my door! Even a few times when I was getting ready to go out with DH or my daughters - and even getting them ready to go back to university, she would turn up at the door .. We had got suitcases full of stuff and we're trying to get everything into the car and she just stood there!

She also kept asking me to take her places for appointments, even though she could drive! I went with her/took her a couple of times, but was so bored and fed up being with her for 5 hours that there was never a third time. I kept making excuses!

She kept asking me to go away with her for the week on a 'girls' holiday. 🙄 Crikey! An hour was enough with her! And she kept continually asking personal intrusive questions!

She would just turn up randomly and expect to be let in. 'I will only stop 10 minutes,' she said. Two hours later, she was still there! Her HUSBAND called by one morning at 8.30am on EASTER SUNDAY, and asked if we have any mustard! Fucking weirdo! Woke us all up!

Also, her husband used mine for his IT skills and knowledge and got him to look at and fix problems, and never offered him a fucking penny!

Also they were always 25 to 40 minutes late when we arranged to meet at the pub. Coz their time was more important than ours apparently.

So after 2 and a half years, I 100% ghosted her - It was after this one time we'd arranged to meet on New Year's Eve at the pub at 8pm. SHE came at 8.35pm! Her husband didn't turn up until 11pm. Found a few days later that he actually been out with somebody else at another pub, and that's why he hadn't bothered to turn up for us.

We had both had enough of both of them by then, but this was the straw that broke the camel's back.

At that point, New Year's Eve 2017 - I decided I wasn't going to bother with her or him again. (DH agreed!) She spent the whole of 2018 bothering me and badgering me, calling round (I didn't answer!) and leaving voicemails and sending texts asking what was wrong and what happened. A few people asked me. I just kept saying we haven't got anything in common anymore I'm moving on.. I'm not really too bothered about the friendship anymore. We just got together as we were new here but I realised we are not a good fit ..

Took a full year before she left me alone and even now she still asks people about me 5-6 years later. It's actually put me off making friends with anyone else now. I'll just stay friends with a few people I've known a number of years, but I don't want to make new friends anymore. She was toxic and annoying and so intense and needy. I shudder now when I think of her, and will walk a mile out of my way to avoid her if I see her in the village. Thank GOD she lives half a mile away and not in my street!

I know ghosting is not very nice, but I make NO apology for ghosting her!

Yes I have struggled socially.

My parents weren’t great and they just stop talking to you if you don’t do what they want. It made me anxious and felt awful and then ex friends have done it too. I moved area from an area and one friend said she was coming on Friday to visit and then just didn’t show and has never returned another message. Another stopped replying and refused to answer the phone and told me I had done something but actually wouldn’t tell me what. Another friend I was her holiday childcare and as soon as I moved away she stopped contacting me.

I am coming to the terms that I am probably autistic and indeed have been referred.

It la horrifying as I have been socially awkward all my life and I’m now thinking I have a reason

I don't call it ghosting.

I drop and block.

i was in the midst of infertility and depression and i was bridesmaid for a lovely friend. but i ghosted her. i just couldn't pretend i was ok and i knew she would be having children soon (which she has).

it is a huge regret - but nearly a decade has passed and sorry doesn't cut it. she is happy in her life and i am now happy with mine.

i do regret treating her badly x

I am in my 6th Decade and I have only ever ghosted one person and that was a few months ago. I have a pretty solid bunch a good close friends who don’t know each other . All these friendships have lasted many years and there is a mutual love and respect with each and every one of them.
The ex friend I have known for about 30+ years and she has had such a negative impact on my mental wellbeing,on and off for many years .
Too much passive aggressive shit ,blowing hot and cold,cannot think of a mutual acquaintance ( and there are at least 25-30) who she hasn’t actually pissed off .
I have held out too many Olive branches stupid me over the years. She was rude to me in front of friends and I finally thought ..fuckit ,not ever going to give her the opportunity ever again! Best decision I have ever made.

Yes, had a friend who got in to an mlm, and then during covid became a massive conspiracy theory nut. We didn't meet up often and the last time we did I just sat listening to her wang on about how covid was all made up to allow the government to control us and heres a video on you tube of a man in a white coat saying it so it must be true, and I just thought "nah, life is too short for this". I realise I didn't enjoy the friendship at all, my mental health at the time was quite fragile and I just made the decision to not respond to her the next time she suggested meeting up. I do wish I'd been more grown up and told her I was done though.

I've been ghosted once, I was okay with it :D I have also ghosted. We met at toddler group and kids went to same school. She was constantly running down my choices and always knew best. I kept friendly because our kids were in the same school different classes. But she felt like she had ownership because they knew us longer than other parents and kids. Got snotty if DD went on other playdates, like literally tutting at us if we had other kids come over after school.

All very strange, I wasn't doing pickups for a few weeks and she text demanding to know why we were having playdates with others and all so I thought I would just say hellos and small talk at pickups. But no her psycho came out when she realised and she tried to be intimidating and talking loudly at me or barging into conversations I was having with other parents. Or shouting hello at me across the playground. Absolute dick head, I was glad she moved 🤣😂

It was like it she was being ghosted it was on her terms. The last time I saw her I literally had to put my hand up and say "not today".

Yep. I was sick to death of being an unpaid therapist. Knew nothing about me after 15 years. I had to listen to the same shit all about her over and over, give the right advice then be insulted if I said the wrong thing. No more. Ghosted. Tried to hook me back in many times. Had “no caller ID” calls before Xmas. Leave me alone now. I was too nice for too long x

Trying to at the moment but she just has no clues. I’m having a particularly rough time just now and have a health issue which means my mobility/pain is really bad so can’t do a lot that I would normally am awaiting specialist review. I also had an accident in my car so had no transport and now little money due to having to get a new bloody car .

friend I’ve been friends with for years was fun and outgoing but in recent years she moans I can’t meet up with her, she has older kids my 2 are still in school and one with Sen so can’t be left I have them most weekends.

I’ll say I can do something if we sort it in advance I can let you know when kids are with their dad. Nothing then last minute do you want to do/go to and I say no because I have the kids and she moans. I am the backup I feel like someone let her down so I am asked. Or she’ll leave a cheeky voicemail about how we didn’t do a thing for our birthdays and I wasn’t available over Christmas to do something - nurse so don’t get school hols of like she does, she didn’t wish me a happy birthday and I’m just fed up with the thoughtlessness and I can’t be arsed bringing it up to her as I get that I’m nasty and vindictive?!? no I just can’t go out last minute, I can’t walk far due to pain so a catch up nearby over food or coffee yes it’s always what she wants to do too. Never taking into account what I like - she’s single I have a partner I don’t want to be in busy bars or dragged here there and everywhere because a place doesn’t have enough ‘atmosphere’ (eg not enough men that will speak to her) so I’m done I don’t want that kind of friendship. I’m aware I’m boring these days, life is passing me by somewhat but I need to work to pay the bills so I have to save my energy for that just now until hopefully orthopaedics can help with my pain etc it’s sad I don’t have the energy to argue with someone about it. Anyway that’s why I am stepping back