What are your fifty-something husbands like?

[BoPeepsSheep]

Because mine is starting to do my head in. It’s not just the huffing (and there’s a lot of huffing), it’s the general..I dunno….attitude.

I work p/t and do the vast majority of everything from cleaning to cooking, planning, birthdays, all that stuff. I think we’d call it the ‘mental load.’

DH is starting to find fault in everything. Started with watching me unpack the shopping and criticising what I’ve bought, then criticising/questioning things that go in the bin (‘why have you put that in the bin?’ - because it’s gone mouldy/it’s broken etc….I’m capable of deciding that…but I now cover things up in the bin to prevent him asking me).

In the last few weeks I’ve been researching a long weekend in Europe because we have a very rare child free period in the summer. I planned out a trip where we took the train to London, Eurostar to Brussels to visit some nearby places. I love train travel, which he’s aware of. He was in favour of this but wouldn’t sit down and book it, kept putting it off. We finally went to book it tonight.

At this point he looked at the details and started grumbling about having to start out early (8am) to get to London in time for the Eurostar connection. And the cost (£400 in total). So he decided we ought to fly because we could set off late morning instead, and it would cost £70 rather than £400.

He got really irritated and asked why I’d prefer to spend £400. He said I would want to be in bed by 9.30 if I’ve set out at 8am (slight exaggeration I’d say). I just knew he was looking at the ‘headline’ flight price so I told him to add the luggage and seats, at which point he realised the cost was actually £360 (not £70) which I suspected because I always book our holidays. I also explained that I just find train travel more relaxing.

After that he went off in a huff to watch TV elsewhere. We didn’t book anything. I feel increasingly fed up about little mini strops. I think he realised he’d been mistaken about the price and was annoyed with the whole thing.

I told him I’m genuinely happy to meet him in Brussels if he would prefer not to waste his time on a train.

Anyone else have a husband who acts like this?

Ah the good old LTB! I don't want to leave him; I just want him to stop obsessing about the recycling ( He does take the bins out).

@LunaNorth this really made me laugh 😂

Then I probably wasn't talking about you @Comedycook or @Sususudio
That's why I went for 'some' rather than 'all'. Some of the posts are very clearly not minor irritations in overall happiness, but fairly constant misery for both, sprinkled probably with breadcrumbs of happiness where you both remember the good old days and that carries you through another month.

@Comedycook "These are more minor irritances. I don't want to leave him...I just would like him to not moan about how I load the dishwasher!"

I see that. The thing is that you saying "Please don't moan about how I load the dishwasher" should be enough for him to stop, it's surely more than a minor irritance if he persists.

Yes he can be and I call him out on it. I ask him not to nag or remind him I'm a perfectly functional adult.
He's hyper critical of everyone from driving to where they put their bins, what they do in their spare time and when he starts this I don't even respond. I just totally blank him.

I mean.

That doesn't sound great.

Does it?

@Polis - Oh yes, he dyed my favourite dress a muddy green. I didn't say a word and bought a new one out of the joint account. It was very very expensive. He was shocked at how much it was, and my bras/undies that he mangled.

As he is rather frugal - that hurt him right in the pocket. He now religiously reads the labels, uses the laundry bags and the appropriate cycles. 😁

I absolutely launder my own clothes because I care for them.

I don't expect anyone else to know how to care for my delicates.

& everyone in this house is in charge of their own delicate clothing.

Good for you.

However, that's not what we are talking about here. I was expected to know how to care for his delicate clothing/suits/shirts for over 20 years and I did so very well and to the best of my ability.

Now its his turn to afford me exactly the same consideration.

I suppose it depends on the extent of grumpiness. I do more cooking, laundry, and organising holidays because I work fewer hours. Dh finds no fault with those.

But he seems to have become obsessed with really tiny things like the dishwasher and the reycling. And where I keep my library card. It's a bit weird.

Mine is turning 50 this year, is this what I have to look forward to? 😏

Glad to find this thread! Solidarity, sistas!

Mine moans a lot about being tired, headachy, stressed and / or in pain; he's not much of a pleasure to go anywhere new with, as life outside the home, particularly travel arrangements, seem to cause him increasing amounts of anxiety.

I carry 95% of the mental load and planning, and a similar proportion of practical tasks - housework, cooking, laundry, ferrying kids. He does work full time in a very stressful role however and I only work a couple of days a week so I guess that's fair, although I do feel a bit trapped that I cannot develop my career without our home life falling apart. He's much nicer when he's not worrying about work or the kids.

@BarrelOfOtters

Hilarious!!!

Gorgeous!

Can be a bit stubborn with advancing years but on the whole he's wonderful.

Mine is 58
A little bit cancer ridden
Cycling and outdoor sports addict
Does most of the washing and at least 50% of the house work
Not great at DIY
Great at making Martinis
Likes IPA
Has a bit of an obsession with made to measure clothes including underpants since he turned 50. I cant be arsed to spend 2 hours looking a fabric samples of boxer shorts personally but it rocks his boat
Likes to break rules a bit (mostly in St James Park where no-one gives dam anyway)

Tetsuo written like that it doesn't sound great. But he's also wonderful and a loving husband.
He is like the rest of us not perfect and when I mention it he does stop and that's the important bit that he recognises it, when I don't respond to his moaning about others he knows he's pushed it and shouldn't be doing it!

My DH is mid/almost late 50’s. He’s retired with a lot of energy, a lot of that energy gets channelled into golf which is great.
He’s a planner and loves to book stuff up, I’m a planner but also a spur of the moment person so this can cause a clash.
He is thoughtful, kind and generous.
Since he’s retired he’s gradually taken over the shopping and cooking which I’m very happy about. It was so much the cooking but the planning of meals that I’d had enough of.
Luckily he shares my love of travel.
He can sometimes spend too much and I can sometimes go for the cheapest option so this difference balances us out.
I wouldn’t say he’s a moaner, if he does moan I say what did they reply when you emailed and complained etc and he knows I won’t sit and listen to moaning?

@NewYear24 Do you lend him out? If anyone in my house did the planning and cooking, I would be over the moon.

@NewYear24 Do you lend him out? If anyone in my house did the planning and cooking, I would be over the moon.

Its been a working progress, I started him off with his own washing, then hoovering upstairs, then tidying the kitchen more, the cooking took about a year to implement.

Mine is better at doing washing and cleaning than me, but I am a better cook. Sadly. Maybe when he retires.

Mine is a good egg. He's a lovely husband and great father to our young adult daughters.

He's good at DIY and pulls his weight around the house.

He's not a great cook and he snores though. Also if he leaves his mug on the windowsill once more I don't know what I'll do!

My husband (55) is pretty good really. He sometimes washes up, he doesn't complain about the meals I make and he is pretty open to my suggestions for days out/activities. He is very active (gym four times a week) and is very much a young-at-heart person.

The only thing he does that I think is slightly age related is sleep - he falls asleep on the sofa most nights. I look across at him and he is snoozing away with a blanket. That is quite cute but can be a little lonely at times.