What are your fifty-something husbands like?

[BoPeepsSheep]

Because mine is starting to do my head in. It’s not just the huffing (and there’s a lot of huffing), it’s the general..I dunno….attitude.

I work p/t and do the vast majority of everything from cleaning to cooking, planning, birthdays, all that stuff. I think we’d call it the ‘mental load.’

DH is starting to find fault in everything. Started with watching me unpack the shopping and criticising what I’ve bought, then criticising/questioning things that go in the bin (‘why have you put that in the bin?’ - because it’s gone mouldy/it’s broken etc….I’m capable of deciding that…but I now cover things up in the bin to prevent him asking me).

In the last few weeks I’ve been researching a long weekend in Europe because we have a very rare child free period in the summer. I planned out a trip where we took the train to London, Eurostar to Brussels to visit some nearby places. I love train travel, which he’s aware of. He was in favour of this but wouldn’t sit down and book it, kept putting it off. We finally went to book it tonight.

At this point he looked at the details and started grumbling about having to start out early (8am) to get to London in time for the Eurostar connection. And the cost (£400 in total). So he decided we ought to fly because we could set off late morning instead, and it would cost £70 rather than £400.

He got really irritated and asked why I’d prefer to spend £400. He said I would want to be in bed by 9.30 if I’ve set out at 8am (slight exaggeration I’d say). I just knew he was looking at the ‘headline’ flight price so I told him to add the luggage and seats, at which point he realised the cost was actually £360 (not £70) which I suspected because I always book our holidays. I also explained that I just find train travel more relaxing.

After that he went off in a huff to watch TV elsewhere. We didn’t book anything. I feel increasingly fed up about little mini strops. I think he realised he’d been mistaken about the price and was annoyed with the whole thing.

I told him I’m genuinely happy to meet him in Brussels if he would prefer not to waste his time on a train.

Anyone else have a husband who acts like this?

Book the train for one, and ask him if he will be joining you so you should keep the accom plans that factor him in, or if he’d prefer if you go on your own.

I couldn't bear to live with another human being ever again (children excepted). The joy of being alone and being able to potter around with nobody else's anger, expectations or negativity, is just bliss.

Dp not like this at all...but then again I don't ask approval for travel plans, I just book them and tell him where we're going.
We will discuss holidays,trips etc in general as to where we fancy this year and dates but as I do all the mental load bit of organizing, I just go ahead and book.
I never really understood why women seek approval. If you know your DH is going to grumble and make it difficult why on earth are you seeking his approval..you know you won't get it.
But in this situation I'd be booking for one OP.... don't mention it again, don't dance around your DH trying to get him on board with the trip...just quietly book for you and go...when it comes nearer the weekend away and he asks "what are we doing next weekend" ..say your going away and when he expresses surprise he is not included...you can say " you didn't want to get up, travel bybtrain etc so i got the impression yoy didn't want to come"

Honestly, what the fuck is this;

'People in their 50's'.

We're still young, (ish) still have so many options.

Don't give up, why would you cede at 50-odd?

Mine has become a grumpy old man, a real fusspot who obsesses about things of very little importance.

I feel like the rest of the family have full Ives with activities, and hobbies and friends, and he’s never wanted that so now his life is bit empty.

Definitely grumpier and more tired. However, so am I. He is still enthusiastic about travel and going out to gigs, plays and such like, so I put up with it. However, I also go away on a lot of solo trips because I like my own space at this time of life.

Hmm mixed replies! I do love him but the poster who said what bliss it was not having to live with the expectations and negativity of other people hit the nail on the head.

i feel like that when he goes away sometimes with friends. When the kids were younger, him going away was hard work, but now him being here is hard work!

My dad and father in law, both now older, have been like this for years.
My ex husband, now in his 50's is also an old git. Strange.
It's like they shuffle towards death for a couple of decades, moaning, whilst the women in our family are the complete opposite.

I do think women age far better than men.

Honestly, book the holiday on your own. I am having a solo yoga retreat this year, I want to do it it's not DHs thing so I'm going anyway.

Go to Brussels with a friend. Everyone will enjoy that much more.

Laid back
full head of hair
zero fillings
runs every day
full of vigour and youth
in a band
leaning Japanese
great cook
brilliant sense of humour
all round good guy

turning 50 isn’t an excuse for behaving like a curmudgeon

I do think more women should do solo trips or with other women rather than dragging husbands along as we often tend to have more energy this time of life.

Mine is 57 ten years older than me and isn't like this in fact it's me that's the grump mostly 🙈

God no, some of these replies sound like you're married to much older men - not men in their 50s!

My DH is 55 and nothing like some of these examples. Still works full time, has a ridiculous amount of interests and always has something on the go. We go out as much as possible and tend to agree on most things (except how he loads the dishwasher!)

(except how he loads the dishwasher!)

in my house I am the one who loads the dishwasher most of the time, and he cannot stop going on about it! In the past, he would have let it go.

Mine isn't like this most of the time , just occasionally. He learnt his lesson early on when he criticised the way I had ironed his shirts. As a result he was told to do them himself and I've never ironed another shirt for him since!
He did grump about some mess the other day though until I pointed out that there were 3 adults in the house all using that area so why was I solely responsible for cleaning it up. He shut up very quickly after that.

Hiding things in the bin reminds me of my Grandparents in the 1970's. My GF wouldn't eat anything from a tin. My GM used to hide the tins in next door's bin (they shared a passageway).

It's a bit weird.

My husband and I are in our 50s, we both understand that we are no longer 'young' and are moving through life.

But we also know that we are still absolutely relevant. Our teenage children don't view us as lost causes. Our children are all different but they ask us questions because they value the answer.

Fucking hell, my father is 81 and I still learn things from him and enjoy his company.

A git's a git however old they are. Apart from genuine health issues, age is neither an explanation nor an excuse for anything.

Bloody hell, we're planning to become digital nomads in a couple of years.

So much to still see and do.

True.

Gits be gitting.

Mine doesn't get how much of the mental load I carry, but twas ever thus. The only real change I can see is that he's started droning on about his interest (cycling) in a way I'm sure he never used to. Like, who won and came second/third/ninth in some Classics race or another, or how buying whatever thingummy for his summer/winter/gravel/Thursdays bike means...oh I don't even care enough to type it out. I have cultivated the "mm hmm" response.

Maybe he's lost confidence. Do you still have dc at home, probably knackering too. We're 50's but dc over 30 or nearing 30 so no responsibilities that way. It's great, being able to enjoy the time after so long parenting younger kids. My DH is brilliant, he does the majority of housework, is v capable elsewhere and good fun. However he does not want to go anywhere, doesn't moan etc but 100% homebody and doesn't want to plan a thing. Which has its own issues.

@BoPeepsSheep do you enjoy the company of your husband?

My husband and I bloody make each other laugh every day, we enjoy each other. We love each other. We have a physical relationship. I fancy that man. He sees me, I'm the best woman he's ever seen.

You have to like each other.

The rest is easy.

Mine is 59 and has gone in the other direction - he’s chilled, tolerant, appreciative and great fun to be around.

I do think a zero-tolerance zero-sympathy approach from other family members does help. And after XDH I promised myself I would never ever walk on eggshells again.

Also like the dog idea.