A thread about Psychopaths…

[Thedryjanuarydiaries]

Spurred on from another recent thread and really just put on interest, I’m wondering if there is anyone out there that would admit to being/knowing someone who scored high on a Psychopathy scale…

Not the Netflix serial killer type but the possible high ( and sometimes ruthless) achievers with low empathy skills and who have to work hard to conform to our social standards and laws.

If so what do you think stops them from committing a crime, acting on impulse and being able to live a normal life.

I wonder what these kind of people look like, if I’d know when having a conversation with them that they were weird differently, how hard they have to work to understand humour, love and go on to me maternal/paternal parents…

I do always find the “Have you ever felt evilnesses” type threads interesting but I’m always left wondering if people are picking up on personality disorders especially when there is no reasons to be unsettled by said person.

This is a really interesting thread. My ex husband left me for a woman who I believe is a psychopath. Certainly an utterly malignant narcissist. She had zero empathy, was spiteful in the extreme, sent me sadistic, cruel emails, was cruel to our little boy (who is autistic), cruel to animals, she has eyes that are totally dead. She was vile when I was diagnosed with cancer. I have since discovered that she was unable to maintain friendships, despite the ability to be quite charming and had a grandiose attitude to her own importance, treated everybody around her like shit, even her own parents. She was also hugely controlling, with my ex having trackers on his phone and in his car.

With the evidence I obtained (including pictures of cruelty to animals), I was able to obtain injunctive measures to ensure she can never again have contact with my son. Everybody who has worked with her, without exception, has expressed relief at no longer having contact with her.

My ex husband will never be seen again, of that I am sure. I am convinced she will kill him 🤷🏻‍♀️

I read an autobiography of a psychopath once and, IIRC, the author wrote that all psychopaths are sexually fluid which I thought was interesting.

"Wow this sounds exactly like my "friend" who cheats on her husband every day with different people just for the attention. It's sick"

Different people, every day? She must be knackered

I'm pretty close to a person who is high on the psychopathology scale.

I think there are a lot of misconceptions about people like this. He isn't empathetic, at all really, but there are a few people, family members, that he has an emotional connection to, his kids, mum, some siblings. We might think the connection is a little low, but it isn't to him.

He doesn't necessarily see moral issues through the same lens as most of us, but he actually has some strong ethical principles and if anything can be rather hard-line about them, because he isn't inclined to empathize with people who fall short. Some of these might seem transactional I suppose - loyalty to family and friends (but not a lot of those), certain social conventions and obligations that need to be observed (take care of your kids, don't litter), respect for people doing hard work for you (he thinks people who don't tip are awful), paying your debts. Some of these he came to later in life than most of us, I think because he didn't feel obligated emotionally, but saw that they result in a society that is more functional which he values.

Similarly he did get involved in crime (mainly drug related) as a young man, but gave it up later, mainly because he didn't want to upset his family members, but also I think because he didn't see it as compatible with a stable life. He feels bad and guilty about doing things that upset his few loved ones but it's not a common emotion for him. He lives alone and tends to minimize his obligations. Many people find him friendly, but if he's not interested or thinks people will be a pain to get involved with he just avoids them.

There are more psychopaths similar to this I believe than the criminal type.

My self worth is quite shit and reading everything you've said you're someone I'd gravitate towards, I'm popular as an adult with lots of friendships, but I tend to collect either people I want to build up and make sure they feel worthy of love, or People I'm in awe of, because they're confident and dont care for others. I may not have my own esteem but I enjoy seeing it bloom in others. Funny how we're all wired aren't we?

I know one and I consider him a friend though I would never let him get closer than that. He fascinates me in a way because I admire his dedication and abilities but I feel sorry for him in equal measures because deep down he seems to be incredibly lonely and sad. Like others said he is not criminal but I believe skirting close to the line at times and he might have figured out how not to get into trouble any more, but unless he told you you’d never know.

@kkloo , whats the trick, I'd love to read it?

I’ve met a few in my industry who I suspect would be high scorers. And I’ve met one man who without doubt would adhere to the ‘dark triad’. He was terrifying and so beyond manipulative and intelligent that I suspect he would get away with anything.

Great thread @Thedryjanuarydiaries thanks for starting it.

Just took the test on psychopathyis.org and scored “low”. I think it would be rather helpful in my life if I had more of these traits and I probably wouldn’t have been taken advantage of quite so much in my life.

I think my grandad was a psychopath.
The family lore is that he "had a hard war", then came home and (traumatised by his experiences) knocked his wife and kids around.
Nope.
He was a psychopath to start with. The army recognised that in him and put him in special forces. He probably had a great war, dishing out violence he couldn't get away with in peace time. Then he came home and continued behaving the way psychopaths behave.
Various other members of my family have tested with very low/no levels of empathy.

He's called James Fallon, his book is great

Didn't want to say on here in case it wasn't allowed because it gets deleted sometimes on other sites but I did a search and MN seem to allow it to stay up.

If you go to archive.ph and paste the link it will let you read most things that are behind paywalls 😊

I know 2 people in prison for murder. Neither psychopaths - both angry, dangerous blokes, not the charming narcissist a psychopath apparently is. I gather most murderers more fit this profile (chaotic life etc) than the psychopath profile.

I do however know someone who I am pretty sure is a psychopath. He’s a colleague and former friend of mine. Desperately good looking and intensely charming. Everyone LOVES him as he always listens carefully, asks lots of questions, follows up, remembers details. Except on a work trip he got drunk and I saw through the mask. Honestly it just ‘dropped’ and I saw underneath just total emptiness. A few comments he made I suddenly realised many of the (sweet kind) things he’d told me and other friends and colleagues about how he loves his mum, and his sister and so on, were all just made up. And all the questions he always asks, he stores the information to use against people later.

That night he flipped and violently assaulted me. When he was doing it i remember the look on his face was just empty, looking at me mainly with curiosity and interest as though i were a beetle or something. This is a person i’d considered a pretty good friend until that moment.

The next day, back to being the sweet guy and everyone’s best friend. If he hasn’t killed anyone yet he will do one day, of that i am certain unfortunately.

(note: there is a whole backstory around police etc which i won’t go into here as have already posted on mumsnet and thats not what this thread is about)

a manipulative void who memorises information about people to better manipulate them.

I've witnessed this in more than one family member. The amount of effort it must take to do this would be exhausting to a normal person. It must be something the individual has spent their whole life practicing and does automatically and continuously - like breathing.

What's interesting is that sometimes it's so subtle you don't know they're doing it. Sometimes so blatant that you know they must be twisted to think they can get away with it.

Something interesting I noticed in my family.

My mother spent hardly any time at all with her cousin. In fact she only visited them once as they lived over the other side of the country. This side of the family actually located me around 2014 and I met my uncle twice. To my horror, it was quite clear that he was a male version of my mother! It was a shock for me and I left very quickly on the second occasion and never saw him again. My cousin told me that his father had physically abused him all his life and was clearly very affected because of it. I told him I couldn't see his father again and he understood. He made my blood run cold.

My mother's mother was a real horror show as well and her father was a brutal drunk. These things run in families I think.

Paula Vennels certainly fits the mould!

I don't think they are welcome in the armed forces as they have a superiority complex so can't be relied on to obey orders unquestioningly. They think they know better than anyone else and could easily go rogue. They would be weeded out where possible.

I know someone (via one of my offspring) who scores very highly indeed on the psychopath tests. She's a hateful bitch.

I've been told I am a psychopath because I had an affair. But there is a lot of us about as apparently a high number of us are. Reading the 'traits' then it's possible I actually am as I think I possess some of them, but not all.

Callous and selfish approach to interpersonal relationships
A lack of empathy in response to others' suffering or distress
Does not show remorse after hurting others or breaking rules
Little sense of identity or self
Manipulates people to get things
Engages in risky or dangerous activities
Superficial charm

You're simplifying it. They're born, they have observably different brains but there are primary and secondary psychopaths.

Primary won't ever give a shit about you. They're not your friend.

The Hare test is the gold standard.

Pinacool, if he is one, stop considering him a friend. Get rid and don't look back.

Unless he's your surgeon. Psychopaths are needed. They make the utilitarian choice. Don't ever try and be friends with one.

I have a former family friend who is exactly like this, but also extremely cunning and ruthless. He’s made an absolute fortune from property investments and (terrifyingly, imho) has a company with local authority housing contracts. His company does the bare minimum to meet legal standards and I find the fact he is involved in any way with housing people, some of whom are vulnerable, completely chilling. He is like a spider in the middle of a web, controlling and manipulating everyone around him. I really hope he gets some sort of comeuppance but his ruthlessness means I think that’s unlikely.

They walk amongst us alright.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Care_a_Lot

this is based on a true story about manipulation of the guardianship system in America. Utterly horrendous. I feel that you’d have to be pretty psychopathic to even entertain profiting from your manipulation of a system in this way.

What’s the trick?

Put your device on flight mode or use the website archive dot ph.

For the latter, drop the URL of the paywalled article into the box.