Generally too sad, my life is sad.

[SadlyToo]

This is not an ironic, lightweight comment. Or meant to be over-heavy either. Just the amount of crap I’ve been through, it’s been genuinely horrendous.

my feeling is that my life just too sad? Honestly, too much of an all-round failure?

I’m late 50s btw, so even the “hope” of one’s 40/s and 50/s are now, more of a mirage.

I should add in probably quite positive in person - and I totally NEVER inflict my sadness and negativity on others. I would say I’m a positive, loving person even (though where does that get me lol 😂!)

I’m surrounded by quite conventional types eg married, divorced, nice grown up kids, got half the house or more blah de blah.

But my whole life is gone.to.fuck, really, even though sometimes I enjoy or accept it in my own way ../. I’m super-independent etc.

But I can’t share it with anyone (friends, family).

WWYD? The sadness of shit parents, shit naive life etc? Difficult outcomes, including ill-health. Sorry a bit random 🥂

Have you ever read "The Middle Passage" OP? I think it would really really help you.

I’m sorry you are feeling like this.

I have no idea what you have been through, but I do wonder whether there are other ways you could look at things? A lot of very shitty things happened to me too but I don’t really think about them anymore. I focus on what I can change.

I did feel fundamentally sad about everything before I got HRT a year ago though. Could hormonal stuff be making you feel worse so you think?

I'm sorry to hear that OP. If it helps you, you could share your backstory with us. You don't have to pretend to be OK here.

It’s not hormonal gah, the whole menopause tripe, though I know you mean well, it makes me feel even more out on a limb ! Can put this back to being aged 19, being on my own 💯 and so it continued ti yes …

Not to do with hormones. Just reality.

What is it that makes your life sad?

If you had shit parents, I really sympathise. I had decent ones, and I have only now realised what a privilege that was. I have had a lot of shit thrown at me, but I did have a relatively happy childhood.

Well, this is cheap therapy, makes me 😢 crying now jeezus. Phew.

I used to watch Motherland and the main character used to ask your secret sadness, ironically, but a clever observation.

i actually love life (sometimes) but not as we know it. I want to live far away from people, with a collie and cats. But lol can’t afford to.

most people around me seem happy. At least SOMETHING good in their lives (parents, job, health, career grown up kids).

what if - in your personal life - ALL of it is basically shit ??

Is that a first?

Do you have a dog or cat?

We all have shit going on.

You should talk about it with your friends. Why do you feel you can’t?
if not friends then maybe a therapist or something just to get it out there and maybe look from a new perspective.

Same here OP, I get it. My life is not like that of those around me.

You can talk to us 🙂And absolutely second getting a dog 🐶 They are the best and most loyal creatures and their love is unconditional.

ps. I don’t resent people’s satisfaction with some of their lives. Their cute pets, their grandchildren, their ex-respectable-careers. Good for them. It’s just that NONE of it applies to me.

there are likely some things you can change.

What do you think they are?

Health issues mean I can’t have a dog, I’m
too unwell to walk every morning.

otherwise I’d probably be like brigette Bardot with lots of animals etc

What about a cat?

Getting a dog doesn't necessarily solve anything. We got a dog, it randomly attacked our cat and then bit me, and we had to give it back to the shelter, which has emotionally destroyed us all esp my youngish DC.

I thanked @APickUpFullOfPinkCarnations but apart from that I will have to think further, I’m not even sure ❤️

This is a crazy suggestion, but since you mentioned free therapy and clearly have the internet…
Google Bard which is completely free is also useful for a chat. It is friendly and has good ideas and I find it really helpful when I just need a bit of a rant.
It also knows stuff and might have good suggestions about how you can help yourself feel better, despite all the shit.
And also it is non judgemental and it doesn’t remember what you told it.

Yes well I’m on the 🍷 now, so take further comments with a punch of salts.

But if you’ve had an unusual/difficult/unconventional life - no love coming toward you and you ou wre too immature to see that remittances - even aged 40 - 50 +

will add more later …

We all have shit going on.

With respect, no. Some people endure far more than others. It's not popular to acknowledge this because it runs counter to our ideas of what is deserved and justice.

remittances? obviously the wrong word but can’t think of replacement

@madeinmanc. I hear you. 100 per cent.

Im a big believer in that life is what you make of it. At times we all go through bad patches, stuff happens and sometimes it's pretty bleak but what matters is not the past it's making the most of the present. I can guarantee you that there's people in your community in very similar situations, you are not alone.

What differs between people is how we deal with the adversity thrown our way - do we see the brighter side eg never owned a home? Over 60? Look at housing association over 60's projects, much easier to secure than for younger people, think no maintenance, someone to help you when you're older, think of the positives rather than what you haven't got (I work with older people and generally those in ha properties are better off if on moderate incomes due to no maintenance). This is just an example,

Another example is to look at what's happening in your community, perhaps you can help out, or you could be the one being helped? If by chance you are in N Somerset pm me because I have a directory of all the community resources locally.

Please do reach out in real life, so many people are there to help, or could if you are in need, it's just we can't help what we don't know about!

Agree.
Some people get dealt a really bad hand.
Some people bring about their own misfortunes, but plenty don't, didn't ask for it deserve any of it, and are just doing their best every time a bad card is dealt.
I often feel when people don't want to acknowledge that it's because they aren't comfortable with the 'there but for the grace of god go I' concept.
Some things in life you can influence and decisions change outcomes, but some stuff does just land on your lap.

I have a friend who is the most lovely person in the world, but the volume of horrid things she's coped with is shocking.

It's why we should give compassion to others and stay humble. Community and connection are important to uphold people who are getting more than their fair share.