Did your parents move to a new area while you were at university?

[Kendodd]

How did you feel about it?
I want to move to a different part of the country, just waiting for my kids to finish school. We have no family here and will have no family in the new area. Worried a little bit about how it'll affect my kids.

No but my friend did this and it did unsettle her DS. She said she wished she’d waited until he’d graduated.

It wasn’t until my own DC went to uni that I realised they would be back home for about five months a year. I think it just depends on your DC, some go off and do Camp America and stuff like that any others like mine enjoyed coming and seeing their local friends.

DH's family did. I think it was hard in a way as his friends were all meeting up at Christmas etc and he was miles away. I think he'd rather they hadn't moved. They'd now be nearer their grandchildren if they hadn't!

Mine moved towards the end of my first year - a distance of at least 80 miles.
That entire summer holiday was about the most miserable of my life. I had no friends anywhere near, I knew nobody - and it was well before mobile phones.
The move was necessary because of my father’s job, but that didn’t make it any easier.
I would have hated to do that to my dds - luckily there was no need to.

Mine moved after I graduated. The timing worked well from my perspective. I found being at university quite hard and unsettling so I relished coming back to a familiar place during the holidays.

Yes my parents did. It was absolutely fine. Their lives to do as they wished and in my head I'd left home. It was quite exciting really!

I moved, but my ex left me when dd was in upper sixth.

DH's parents did this. It was horrible tbh, going 'home' for holidays to a place that had never been home and all his friends were elsewhere.
Roots are really important for kids and going up university is a big change. I really wouldn't do it unless totally necessary. It's one of the reasons why we stayed in one area, so that our kids have connections and friends and a home.

Yes my parents moved to a different part of Scotland.

It made no difference to me as id left home to go to uni.

I think if I was planning this I would tell my kids it was likely well in advance, because they could then opt to go to a uni close to where they went to school. This would allow them to keep in touch more easily with school friends as their uni accommodation would be near their old friends' homes.

I think it would be harsh to just spring it on them later, although sometimes it can't be avoided.

My parents and sister moved from London back home to Belgium when I was in my second year at Uni. It had been discussed for years so no surprise. DH and I moved from London to Canada two years after DT’s started their graduate jobs in Amsterdam and Brussels - again discussed in advance.

Mine parents moved soon after I graduated. I didn't mind too much as they wanted to live their lives. I didn't really like the area they moved to though so whereas I might have settled back in my old home area I ended up living quite a long way from them (and my original home) so they didn't see the grandchildren as often as they might otherwise have done.

I personally would probably tell them that you plan to relocate at some point in next ten years but then see where they end up living and consider moving nearer to there if you like it.

What do your kids think? It will depend a lot on how attached they are to your current area and what they plan to do after school. My family moved country when I started first year at uni and I found it really hard. It was more a struggle after graduating and not knowing where to go than during uni, although it meant I never went home again in the holidays. I wouldn't have told them not to move though, it was their choice but it did damage our relationship.

A friend of mine's parents emigrated to Australia in his first term at uni, without having mentioned it before he left in September. Totally fucked him up, and over, as it was in the days when you had to clear your hall room out over the holidays and he had no where to put his stuff and no where to go. His only belongings were what he'd taken with him, not knowing he'd not have the chance to go back and collect more.

Same country and with warning? Less of an issue.

DH's did. It was partly work-driven, partly preference for them at the time. It was never home for him though.

My DM did this although it was a different country and she did tell me! I still feel so sad when I think about how I effectively had to ditch most of my childhood possessions and live with the bare minimum that could fit in uni halls. Any mementos like bedroom decorations, old school uniforms, childhood toys or books - gone overnight because I couldn't store them.

I also remember feeling really humiliated when she told me not to come visit her in her new country over the winter holiday and having to effectively beg to come because my uni accommodation had mold and was making me sick (she did let me stay in the end).

Many years ago when I was a teen, I did not go to Uni but did get married at 19. My parents moved house when I was on honeymoon. It did feel odd that having left home so young, my family home was no longer there.

Yes, my mum did. She didn't move to the other end of the country, but she did move a good 90 min drive from where we lived before.
It would have been okay - albeit lonely - if I'd had a car. But she moved to an incredibly rural area with no public transport. And as I was a student, I couldn't afford a car (although I could drive at this point). I wasn't allowed to be insured on my mother's car (cost, apparently). So no friends and no transport nearby and no prospect of funding a summer job.
Anyway, as a result, I decided to stay in my university town for the long summer holidays and most of the other holidays too. It was sometimes a bit tricky to sort out accommodation but I managed it. This allowed me to work, socialise and generally have a great time. I would go to my mum's new house for a week here and there but I never lived in her home again. That's quite shit when you're 19.
The longer term impact was losing touch with some of my school friends. I suspect it would have happened anyway, but not being able to go to the various get togethers hastened that.
Moving somewhere different isn't necessarily a problem, but moving somewhere hostile to young people/people without a car is in my experience.

We'd still have a house big enough for them and all their stuff.

This for me too. They moved from an island to mainland Scotland so going 'home' for the weekend was significantly easier.
We moved a lot when I was at school so I was used to going places where I knew no one.

Yes- my mother did. We’d lived within commuting distance of London where all the work for my chosen career was. It meant to pursue my career, living at home and commuting to work in order to save wasn’t an option any more.
I spent 15 years paying extortionate amounts to live in shitty house shares barely able to save a penny. All my friends who had been able to move back home managed to get on the property ladder quite quickly and easily.
Overall I feel that decision to move when I was still at uni really set me back a good ten years compared with my friends.

Threads like this make me realise how different my life experience has been compare to most people tbh.

My parents moved about 150 miles during my masters. They had no choice, as the organisation my father worked for moved, and he had a niche role; finding something similar in his 50's would have been tough.

It means I visited less than I might have done as I don't have any other friends where they are. They also live a long way from me now (I stayed in the town where I'd studied, which is much closer to where I grew up than where they are now), which also makes visiting more tricky. It's worth thinking through how easy it would be for your children to visit - my parents have the space, but the distance is a real issue.

It's worth thinking through how easy it would be for your children to visit - my parents have the space, but the distance is a real issue.

I don’t think it’s fair to expect parents to not move ‘too far away’ from childhood town for that reason.
For all you know, you might have moved to a completely different place in the U.K. It might have happened right after Uni or several years later when you settled down and had dcs yourself.
At some point, you bet me an audit and parental responsibility diminishes. A LOT. As it should be really.

If possible, wait until he graduates. At the moment, he comes back to his home and his family where he feels safe: move whilst he's away and he'll come back to a house with his family in it.

You're absolutely right that parental responsibility diminishes at that point. However it depends how much someone wants to see their children/grandchildren, and if they move somewhere (relatively) remote/difficult to get to, then they may not see them as much as they wish.