Did your parents move to a new area while you were at university?

[Kendodd]

How did you feel about it?
I want to move to a different part of the country, just waiting for my kids to finish school. We have no family here and will have no family in the new area. Worried a little bit about how it'll affect my kids.

Personally I’d wait till they were finished full time education if that is possible. They can easily have the best part of 6 months holidays at uni depending on the course.

I read somewhere once that it’s really important for young people to have a family home base until they are fully independent as the security & stability gives them the opportunity to spread their wings, knowing that home is there if they need it.

One of DS2s schoolfriend's parents moved away during his first year of uni and he hated it. Holiday options were to stay with them in a different house and different area where he knew no-one or come back here to stay with a schoolfriend which felt odd as they had all moved on to different universities. I felt very sorry for him to be honest

I don’t think it’s fair to expect parents to not move ‘too far away’ from childhood town for that reason.

There is a massive difference in moving when a DC is 18 and say mid 20’s for example.

Mine did. And I ended up dropping out of uni the first time and living in a tiny box room, out of a suitcase, until I managed to go back to college, get a job and rent a flat. I ended up living in a city where I knew no one other than my parents, where everyone else had an established friendship group already. Where I didn't fit in because I wasn't one of the locals. I was incredibly lonely and depressed. I lost my home, my friends, my social life and thus my confidence completely tanked. I jumped at the chance to move away with my best friend as soon as I was able to and I then didn't return 'home' to see my parents that much after.

This is our plan for this Autumn. Youngest finally going so we can downsize (slightly) and move to a cheaper area where we have wanted to go for many years. All of them know and are happy for us. The oldest two have their own homes and lives and we'll ensure there is still space for them all.
They know we've spent our lives for them and now they are happy we will have our lives for us

In what way?

My experience was moving because of father's work. I went to so many schools. Four primaries, four secondaries.

I met and married a man who was a local. It was lovely. Such an improvement on my nomadic lifestyle.

My three DCs went to one primary, one secondary. The two eldest worked abroad but when home picked up with friends. Eventually they bought property here met and married local girls. Had children.

The youngest is only two hours away so comes home every couple of months.

If you move away and make a new life now you'll be upsetting their lives. Wait until they're educated, graduated would be my advice.

Or it may suit them to see their children and grandchildren when they choose rather than being seen as default on tap free childcare providers.

I read somewhere that it is good for young adults to learn to adult.

They moved continent!

Mine moved country, it was fine, I probably would've preferred them not to looking back but at the time it didn't bother me.

I moved 2 miles down the road during ds's first year and it was a big decision. Ds's admin address and electoral roll etc are all still with me, and while that's the case I would avoid changing areas.

A good friend from school had her mum emigrate in the year before uni. I think it affected her uni experience and a good chunk of her 20s quite badly.

Well perhaps for the first few years they will miss school friends but as my DC's school was in a not very lovely part of the country they don't go back now at all and have friends all over that they met in uni etc. and have little contact, apart form watching on FB occasionally, with old school friends. V few have stayed in that area.

Mine emigrated to another continent in my first year at uni and it affected me very very badly.

Actually, I would hope to be the on tap default (free) childcare providers. I don't think it's likely though. For one, loads of young people don't even want children and two, if they do have them I expect my kids will as likely be living the other end of the country (or world) to me anyway.

I moved a few months after my eldest graduated and I know he didn't like it (he didn't move with us but we have no choice about moving).

We're thinking of moving again but with my youngest at university now I worry about how he'd feel. He says it's ok with him but I still need convincing.

My parents moved in my second year at uni, and it was fine. But it was only fine because the place they were moving from didn't feel like home and I had no school friends I wanted to visit, since we'd moved across the world in my last year of school (this was definitely not fine).

Ds is in first year at the moment, and I'm tempted to move somewhere where I might get more house for my money, but he does have a lot of school friends who are still at home and he visits about once a month, mainly to see them. If I moved away he'd probably split his visits between friends and me and I'd see much less of him.

Not me but my friend at uni.

Her parents were already divorced and once she went to uni her mum moved 3-4 hours away to wales. Her mum did so thinking that she would split the holidays between parents and she didn't need to live near her dad anymore as 50/50 wasn't going to be 3.5 nights at one house, 3.5 at the other, and both needing to be near school etc.

What her mum didn't factor in was that all her friends, her old weekend job which then turned into a summer job, and everything she'd ever known was near her dads house. Add to that she went to a fairly small town with not much to do except walks and no other young people. My friend obviously spent the majority of the holidays at her dads house, only going to her mums to actually see her mum, whether time at her dads was also to see friends, socialise etc.

Her mum hugely guilted her about this. Playing woe is me, I'm lonely, you favour your dad. This really damaged her relationship with her mum and I don't think it's really recovered as there's resentment on both sides.

After uni she moved to a city for her job but this city was still closed to her home town and her dad as the tiny welsh town isn't really near anything, so she naturally she's her dad more as he's closer and she still has childhood friends and memories there. And to this day she still refers to her dads as 'going home for the weekend' vs 'going to mums for the weekend'

My parents moved about 45 minutes away from where I grew up when I'd just graduated and was in my first graduate job and my sister was still a student. They emigrated when we were in our late twenties.

We're in our mid-forties now and while we both know logically that it's good they've been able to live the life they wanted to since we left, my sister has some deep-rooted feelings of abandonment that I don't have. Obviously we're different people, but I think it made a big difference that I was carving out a path as an independent adult by then and she wasn't yet. Also, logistically, she found the long holidays hard and stayed with friends (and me) a lot.

It really depends on your situation, and your kids. We were never bought up to expect that we'd all be living close to each other as adults (my sister and I live at opposite ends of the country now and parents are still overseas). I think if they'd just waited a few years it might all have felt quite different for my sister.

DM got a fantastic promotion while I was on my gap year. I was pleased for her and encouraged her to take it. I ended up organising the moving day because she couldn't get the time off work.
exDH's parents moved to the USA (work again) while he was a student. He didn't have a great relationship with them anyway and the distance probably improved things.

No and I would have hated it, tbh. In the first year I was in halls so had to go home (with all my stuff) every holiday, and all my friends were in the same boat so it was great being able to meet up. I got a summer job at the same place I'd worked during 6th form.

I then had a pretty shit time in my second year of uni due to health problems, and being able to go 'home' at weekends and during the holidays when my mates were around really kept me going. I moved back in with my parents a few months after I finished uni, when my relationship ended. In that case I could have found somewhere on my own, but I was so grateful to have that security and space to find myself a decent job and then be able to move out 'properly'.

Personally I think your parental responsibility lasts until they're able to support themselves, within reason.

No they didn't either for me or Dh but Ds is at uni and when he comes home so does everyone else who is away at uni and those that stayed and got jobs/in training all meet up. This is lovely for him.

We chose to move here before Ds1 was even in school for job opportunities not just for Dh but for our children too, we moved to a large city with job opportunities for all sorts. We are hoping this means our children are close by to not just us but each other as they are very close as siblings.

My mum moved back to where we used to live (when I was primary school age), yes. So it wasn't an unfamiliar, completely new area, though I didn't have any friends there. Thinking about it now, I don't think many of my friends really 'came home' for uni holidays. I think they largely lived around their unis and worked or travelled or did some sort of work placement or something during the summer, as I don't really remember any of them being 'home'. But I did do a bit of driving to visit them at uni. Honestly, it didn't really make any difference to me and I liked the new area and obviously it was familiar. I actually moved back during uni and got work there and lived there for several years going to a local uni before graduating and moving away, so it became more like 'home' to me than my home had been, which I didn't really have strong ties to.

I suspect it makes more of a difference about what the social ties are to the 'old' home area and the distance between the two. It was only 1.5 hours for me, so easy to drive to visit and stay with friends if I wanted to.

My parents moved back to Ireland literally on the same day that I headed of to uni with everything I owned in the world stuffed into my little car. I am the youngest of five and they had made it clear that once I had flown the nest they would be off so the house had been on the market as I was doing my A Levels. Felt absolutely fine about, they had been honest and upfront about it, they were started on their next chapter of their lives and I was doing the same.

I'd love to move away ( DD in 1st year of uni and Ds in sixth form) but have decided to stay until DD graduates and DS has sorted himself ( he doesn't want to go to uni). We live in London in a good sized house so we are aware we may be a base whilst they save for house deposits.