Being mistaken for a man

[Vroomfondleswaistcoat]

It happened AGAIN last night and it's now not funny any more.

I work in retail, customer facing, and last night a customer said to the small child with her 'go and give the things to the man' (me). This is now the fifth time in the last year or so that this has happened, with various customers, usually someone talking to a child, a couple of times men who've called me 'mate' then said 'sorry, thought you were a bloke'.

I have very short grey hair and I'm not pretty. I look like my Dad, can't help that. Our uniforms are unflattering, but even so I would have thought it was obvious that I have a 36DD bust and quite a small waist. I sound like a woman. At first it was funny, but now I'm starting to get snappy about it and I worry that next time I might go full force 'I AM A WOMAN!' and strip off my shirt to prove it.

No, I won't. Probably. But what do I do? I can't wear make up (allergies) and refuse to grow my hair. Do I now have to accept that, at over 60, I might as well be a man?

Behave

My youngests pe teacher looks the like a 14 year old boy tbh it’s much the chatter on the playground. He just appeared one day we thought he was work experience but his still here months later.

I don't doubt that some people look very young for their age.
The "behave" was because I thought that trying to sympathize with a woman upset because people are mistaking her for a bloke by bemoaning how youthful you look was tone deaf.

Thing is OP, you could easily make yourself look more feminine, such as hypo-allergenic make-up, jewellery, grow your hair, etc, but you refuse. So either you're upset enough to do something about it, or you're not.

There's a boy with long hair at my DS's (all boys) school. For two terms I thought he was a girl. He's very slightly built and with the pony tail I assumed girl. But no, he's a boy. I meant no harm, I just saw what I saw.

Huh that sounds irritating. Are you very tall? If people only see you out of the corner of their eye and they see a 6ft tall person with a crew cut then I can see why they’re making the mistake.

Not much you can do I guess. Even if you wore it, I don’t think make up would help, as clearly the people doing it aren’t looking at you properly or they’d notice the more obvious stuff like your jaw / adams apple and of course the breasts.

Not much you can do really.

Ps I’m short with a childlike jaw and small chest, I got ID’d until I was about 30. So at least you can buy booze without debate 👍

On discworld with those characteristics you'd just be an average dwarf.

I wonder if some of it is people afraid to misgender now and presume you’re a women transitioning rather than thinking you actually are a man.

Yes this probably has a lot to do with it. People now see a woman with short hair and think, “oh no, that might be trans man who will get me arrested if I say she”. Whereas actually having your sex not recognised/being mis-sexed is something people are meant to just put up with and generally do. It happens to me sometimes (tall with short hair) and I’ve never made a fuss, but some trans-identifying people are likely to.

I once went on an activity day and asked where the toilets were. The guy said “oh the ladies is over there”. Then had a MAD panic as if he had remembered his training course too late, and jabbered “or of course the gents is that way if you want the gents! Whatever you want! Go to the toilet you want!” Leaving me feeling faintly miffed that he thought I might be a TM, but you can understand why it happens.

Don't be ridiculous

It IS annoying OP! I used to get this all the time, when I worked on a building site. I once even got a rollicking from a female cleaner for using the ladies! I've since worked in IT for many years, and it still happens. Either that or I get asked about where the coffee is. I prefer to be misgendered tbh. Now that I'm older, it happens less often, but I'm not slim anymore although I do still have short hair.

(This is why I get so annoyed when Trans people complain about misgendering. It happens; get over it.)

As a tall skinny teen / twenties with short hair , also a boys name I had this for ever
think that’s why 30 years on I always wear lipstick mascara and blusher
lots of allergy free stuff around now
maybe go somewhere for a proper makeup do over , I know you shouldn’t have to but really helps me feel better tbh

Thank you to everyone who has commented here! (Even those slightly dafter ones). I feel better to know that there's solidarity among those of us who get mistaken for men!

No, I shan't be growing my hair, wearing make up, doing my nails or any of the other appearance-altering things. I am not a girlie girl and really can't be bothered with that (not enough time either). I do have a traditional female name on my name badge, am not hugely tall and I think I look like a woman. Those misguided enough to mistake me for a man are going to be directed to Specsavers! It was just that yesterday's incident got me at a weak moment.

To those of you who can't quite grasp the problem, imagine someone pointing to you and saying 'that one, the ugly one over there.' It's very similar. I already know that as I age I am turning into my dad. I don't like having it pointed out to me when I'm in the workplace! But I feel better now...

People are idiots
I have a name that has a masculine version and a feminine version

People will read my name, see the feminine version, see me (34K boobs, long hair) and go "Samuel?"

No. FFS

Even when my email says Samantha, people reply saying "hi Samuel"
It never happened before the past couple of years when apparently my name doesn't exist or people are incapable of reading or saying it

I'm actually doing the paperwork to change my name

It’s just short hair. Some people somehow don’t realise anyone can cut their hair short. I’d rather be called a man 1000 times than have to deal with growing, washing, styling, straightening, fucking hair all over my face, split ends, etc, etc, etc. I know I’m not a man, I don’t care what anyone else thinks.

I am sure the police think a lot of people are barking mad, doesn’t mean people don’t report this stuff and the police investigate.

I remember Boy George on a kids' TV show on the very early 80s. A kid asked him "why do you look like a girl?" And he said "I look like I look- I know that I'm a boy and that's all that bothers me".

Good approach.

There is absolutely no way on this earth that I am going to compromise myself by wearing make up and growing my hair (can't wear jewellery at work). And besides, in what world do men not have long hair and wear make up?

People just need to take a wee bit more care and not make on-the-spot assumptions. After all, there's no need to call me anything - 'put the basket up there' 'give that to the person behind the counter'. There. It's quite easy not to say 'man' or 'woman' if you're not quite sure, isn't it?

Well more specifically, you're a very short haired (grey haired) woman who gets mistaken for a man 🤷🏻‍♀️
At first glance you maybe don't look particularly feminine.

I'm 5'6. Not especially short.

I don't look UNfeminine. 36" bust, 26" waist. Small face, small jaw, no adam's apple, no beard (although I'm working on it, postmenopausally).

It's just people judging on hair. That's all. Literally, it's just my hair. I even wear a bloody great name badge with my FEMALE name on it. Two seconds of reading of my chest and you'd know I'm a woman.

@Vroomfondleswaistcoat ,
There is absolutely nothing you can do to force other people to comply with your needs.
The only person you can change is yourself or your attitude. I suggest you try minimizing the energy you waste every time it happens by learning to not take it personally and letting it go.

Why allow a stranger to upset you for so little? You decide how you want to feel.

And I have never mentioned changing anyone's behaviour. Including mine. It was an observation and a lesson to others not to assume sex. That's all. You are taking a lot of umbrage about a simple observation that people just don't LOOK.

Or perhaps people don't real CARE that much - it seems important to you but it isn't to everyone

I have rubbish hair and I have had it cut (professionally). I'm also not particularly dainty looking and don't suit really feminine clothes as I just look like an American footballer in drag. I get mistaken for a man too. A woman told her small child to "let that Mr" through (there was no one else around) and I get called mate too. It is disheartening.

I got called sir a while ago. Long hair, skirt, make up, jewellery and sparkly hair accessories, and I'm short and curvy. I'm the complete opposite of you OP, but I think people are just very short sighted. 🤦🏻‍♀️ (And I'm as blind as a bat!) Once is funny, multiple times and it would get on my nerves.

A friend of mine is 60, with cropped silver/white hair and doesnt wear earrings or make-up and she gets this all the time, even though she's a 34DD.

It really upsets her, so much so that she's started to re-evaluate her hair and clothes (she mainly dresses in shirts and combat trousers).

I've been mistaken for a man once from behind in the dark but I have broad shoulders and slim hips and i was at a rock gig with loads of long haired men. 🤣