Being mistaken for a man

[Vroomfondleswaistcoat]

It happened AGAIN last night and it's now not funny any more.

I work in retail, customer facing, and last night a customer said to the small child with her 'go and give the things to the man' (me). This is now the fifth time in the last year or so that this has happened, with various customers, usually someone talking to a child, a couple of times men who've called me 'mate' then said 'sorry, thought you were a bloke'.

I have very short grey hair and I'm not pretty. I look like my Dad, can't help that. Our uniforms are unflattering, but even so I would have thought it was obvious that I have a 36DD bust and quite a small waist. I sound like a woman. At first it was funny, but now I'm starting to get snappy about it and I worry that next time I might go full force 'I AM A WOMAN!' and strip off my shirt to prove it.

No, I won't. Probably. But what do I do? I can't wear make up (allergies) and refuse to grow my hair. Do I now have to accept that, at over 60, I might as well be a man?

Could you get a more feminine hairstyle? Perhaps grow it a bit. I think older women (I'm one myself) aren't really noticed much so people aren't fully registering us as individuals.

Why would you think it's a joke? I'm a not-beautiful woman who gets mistaken for a man.

I'm not laughing.

Eh?

I don't mean to sound unsympathetic, but isn't this just life?
I'm rarely mistaken for a man in person (even though I have short hair and am about your proportions), but when I was in my 20s/30s and owned my own home/lived on my own (and I have a doctorate so go by Dr on correspondence) I was constantly getting letters to "Mr Spouse" or people would ring up my solely-owned house expecting the owner to be male. My first name is a common English female name but apparently has never been heard in any non-UK call centre as well so people would also ring up asking to speak to "Mr Jennifer Spouse".

It is annoying but not something I'd lose any sleep over.

I've had this since a teen, combo of masculine looking face and struggling with alopecia so always bald or patchy short hair! It's depressing and it hurts your self esteem, but I've tried to tell myself over the years (but doesn't always work) that its not a me problem, a split second decision by a stranger doesn't affect me, especially in a shop type setting they wont have looked at your properly.

It's different when it's people addressing you as male who can't see you and have never spoken to you. When they are standing right in front of you and talking to you and referring to you as male it's a bit different.

I think I'd be inclined to laugh in that situation!
I've had it on the phone though not in person.

It's seems to be a joke because why would it matter a jot?

Why is it important enough for you to get upset

It's definitely a 'them' thing.

I started this thread because it's just a bit annoying and very battering on the self esteem. I know there's not much I can do about it, short of wearing a long wig, and it's not the end of the world.

I'm off to work in a minute actually. Let's see if I can get through an entire shift without being called 'sir' or 'that man'!

Honestly some people are either thick, terrible at picking up identifying signicators, make weird assumptions ("I'm a 5'5 woman, men are taller than women ergo everyone taller than me is likely to be a man/ or short hair=man) or are just blind!

You only have to look at some of the guess my age threads on here to see some people guessing twenty years higher or lower than anything remotely conceivable. When I was about 30 I was assumed to be my same aged friend's mother (no idea if they thought I looked 50 or she looked 10, we were both pretty normal looking, nothing that would support either assumption) but then the same day, ID to buy alcohol!

When it happens a lot or just on a bad day, it can get you down a lot.

Yes because the Police have lots of spare time to investigate hate incidents (there is no crime here) while murders, rapes and dv cases can be put to one side

Why ?
Why does it get you down ?

It rarely happens to me face to face but happens a lot online and I would never bother correcting anyone

Slightly different, still shit but not the same

If they properly stopped and looked at you, they'd know you were a woman I'm sure. But often when we're busy or distracted we only briefly glance at someone or see them in our peripheral vision....and short hair in our society often equals man combined with a uniform rather than traditional female clothing, it can be an easy mistake

I get mistaken for a bloke all the time. I’m 5.2, massive boobs and I’m very female shaped. People take a fleeting glance, notice the short hair and automatically think man, then on the second look realize their error. People don’t actually think you look like a man, otherwise they wouldn’t immediately realize on a second look. Try not to take it personally.

Scierra
I think the pp was being tongue in cheek and referring to the instances when people who feel they are "in the wrong body " are misgendered then go ape shit reporting the hate crime to all and sundry.

Believe it or not it's a thing

Because it happens to the OP face to face.

I had a friend who was a young man with long, blondish hair. He used to wear it down and he looked very lovely - but clearly a man. However, he would regularly get called "darling" in pubs if someone was trying to squeeze past... He thought it was very funny and would turn around and say "alright love" to these big fellas...
Anyway, my point is. People only ever saw this guys hair in fleeting passings... When they looked they could tell he was a guy. But out of the corner of an eye - he looked like a lady.
Ramble over... you're fine.

*midgetastic · Today 15:31

Why ?
Why does it get you down ?

It rarely happens to me face to face but happens a lot online and I would never bother correcting anyone*

Do you really not see the difference between it happening online and in person?

I think part of the issue is that you don't look traditionally female and you don't want to/can't make your look more feminine.

It's totally OK to look how you want to, but similarly people will see what they see

I’m really not sure why some posters are being so obtuse. No (or at least most women) woman wants to be called a man, and it happening in person is very different to it happening over the phone, the mail, or online! It’s basically saying they look masculine (which isn’t broadly considered attractive in a woman) or that you’re invisible to them.

😂😂😂 sorry Op this is just too funny 😂 you’ve got to learn to be able to laugh at it.

I’m 34 going on 35 and people often refer to me as a teen girl 😂🤷🏽‍♀️ not just a teen girl, but a 14yr. 😫

Don't be stupid! The police would think you were barking mad if you phoned them to tell them someone had mistaken you for a man!

This sounds so strange. You have a large bust and a small waist but keep being mistaken for a man?
Unless you have a beard as well, then it's very unusual to have that many people confuse your sex.