Need advice or insight on husband's strange behavior

[Katmoriah]

Husband of 4 years won't stop changing his mind about staying together, but won't stay away for more than 6 hours after deciding he wants to separate, coming back to say he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and our 2 babies. He's been doing this for years, his reasons are always boredom, wanting someone new, wanting an ex back, etc... According to him there are no "real" issues and I am "the best" and he doesn't want anyone but me ever, but he just doesn't know why he keeps going back and forth. He had a rough childhood, mom was a run around type and dad divorced and remarried multiple times, idk if that affected him??? Any advice or insight would be so appreciated.

How many times has he put you and your children through this?! It's intolerable cruel of him to keep you hanging on dancing to his tune and playing catch up, always worried about doing it again.

Well it's time he put a stop to mucking you around and causing you distress.

If he has issues stemming from his upbringing then he needs to seek therapy.

It's selfish and unfair to inflict his problems on you.

Give it to him straight, "Sort yourself out and I will support you through counselling but if you don't want to do that then sling your hook as I deserve to be with someone who doesn't make me feel on edge and is a constant in my life."

Do his 'separations' perhaps last just long enough for him to establish that no other women are champing at the bit in order to be with him? If he has long enough to approach all his exes and be told to fuck off home, that could be why.
Don't be anyone's second choice, OP. If he's bored and can't stop thinking about other women (who don't want him) then show him that you don't want him either.

Tell him to get lost next time he wants to come back.

What a horrible man, torturing you like this.

So set done boundaries. Tell him he either seeks counselling help to help him understand why he does this and help him stop

ot thr next time he leaves it will be for good. You will lack his bags leave on the doorstop and change the locks

what he is doing is abuse

have some self respect

and if you can’t for yourself, do not subject your children to this kind of home life with that cretin

you mention his childhood

but i wonder what yours was like for you to have endured this behaviour from your husband for years

I'd take the decision out of his hands. Next time he does this tell him there's no coming back, pack him a bag and don't let him come back

This is very cruel behaviour and designed to 'keep you in line' he gets to act as he wants as you're too scared to disagree with him or do things he doesn't want you to. It's a form of control and abuse.

Time to stop pandering to him and say that the next time will be the last time, you won't have him back. At the moment, he's being cruel to you. When the children are older, they will suffer too. He doesn't deserve you or them.

I think your childhood is more relevant than his. Why do you think this is acceptable and put up with this? your poor children too. Next time he goes don't allow him back.

Make his mind up for him - next time he walks out do not allow him to come back. Ever.

He goes out for a few hours after he's realised he wants someone new, or wants an ex back?

Sounds to me like he's going out for a quick shag where he can say to the OW that he's split up from his wife.

Whatever the reasons, he's being a selfish shit and you are pandering to him.

He is never gone for more than a few hours, I have never found any proof he ever talked to any other female and he has never refused to let me go through his phone.

He always goes to his dad's and then texts or calls to say he is so sorry and didn't mean it, but it ends up happening again every month like a sick cycle

This 👆

Every month? It's like a get out pass to do what he wants each month.

Next time lock the door behind him.

Chuck him out and lock the door behind him. You deserve a man who wants you 100% of the time!

Tell him next time he leaves don't come back.

Every month?! Every month he is putting you and your kids through this emotional strain?!

Has he ever sought any help to try to determine why he does this? If not, I’d give him one last chance on the sole basis that he gets some serious therapy. One more strike after that and he would be out! You aren’t his emotional yo-yo, for fuck sake.

Put a stop to it now. Don't let him back. Everyone gets pissed off/fed up, we don't all go to people's houses and sit about. Time he started adulting.

I agree with all the others. Next time he leaves don't take him back. It's damaging you and your children.

Enough is enough. And I'll be honest - I might have forgiven the first occasion, but the second time he'd did it I'd have told him to get to fuck and that I was done. The twat wouldn't have got the chance to spend years playing these stupid games.

Honestly just put an end to it and tell him to knob off. It’s sick game playing and pure bullshit.

He does have a history of getting bored with girlfriends and cheating or leaving them, but according to him "I'm different" and "the One". I just believe marriage is a lifelong commitment and I want to do everything in my power to fix it, and we were best friends before we got married so I care for him a lot as a person as well as love him as a spouse, but I feel absolutely crushed and out of hope sometimes

Why have you put up with this?

How are you rationalising this based on his past, but not worried about what example this is setting to your children?