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Original poster

To think it’s tedious when adults are precious about their birthday (not big birthdays)

107 replies

GotMooMilk · 16/01/2024 13:52

We have been invited out for a friends birthday (33 or 34- not a ‘big one’) and one friend has asked if her sister visiting from Australia can come out. The response was along the lines of ‘she can if you want if she will be alone otherwise but I’d rather I knew everyone there properly as it’s my birthday’.

Maybe I’m being unfair but when adults are precious about ‘their birthday’ and wanting spoiling from anyone beyond their partner/parents I just find it so tedious. My own birthday I’ll go for dinner with DH or lunch with the family but wouldn’t be offended if something came up on the exact day and we had to celebrate at a later date it’s no big deal. I had a friend who was was really annoyed at me (told me this!) for not ‘making an effort’ and coming out for her birthday despite booking a table for 7 midweek when I don’t finish work til 8 on that day. Aargh!

OP posts:
frozendaisy · 16/01/2024 13:56

Some people care
Some don't
We don't not really even big ones
But then we don't really do anniversary, or anything really just try and perhaps have takeaway and a cake (cake largely for the kids).

Zimunya · 16/01/2024 13:58

@GotMooMilk - I find this tedious too. By all means, go out and celebrate if that's what you want, but theres no need to act like it's a wedding. You were born - good for you. So was everyone else. It's not a huge deal :)

Plikujyhtg · 16/01/2024 14:10

It really annoys me. Some people literally want attention lavished on them every hour of the day on their birthday, and dont get me started on those who organise multiple events or schedule a celebration weeks after the event, which they expect people to attend as well as bark "happy birthdayyyyy" to them every 10 minutes. No one cares!

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Events & celebrations
WolfFoxHare · 16/01/2024 14:11

Nah, I love my birthday and I love making a massive fuss of loved ones when it’s their birthday. Birthdays are great. Any excuse to treat and celebrate people I care about.

Saying that, I don’t expect friends and colleagues to go out of their way to celebrate with me - just my DH and family.

zigzag716746zigzag · 16/01/2024 14:17

TBH I secretly assume it’s some kind of developmental arrestment. That they are making up for something and would otherwise have grown out of it the same way the rest of us did.

Comedycook · 16/01/2024 14:19

Agree...very tedious

LadyOfACertainAge · 16/01/2024 14:20

I do a massive eye roll at grown ups like this too! I have a birthday meal booked in with a friend for over 6 months time!

LordyMe · 16/01/2024 14:21

I agree. If you want a party fair enough but to be precious is annoying. I never understand the many threads about husbands forgetting birthdays where the person with the birthday refuses to remind them.

Oganesson118 · 16/01/2024 14:22

I agree. I mean if people want to spoil you on your birthday then that’s lovely but the way some people go on is ridiculous. There is a small company I used to buy from
but after the founder spent a whole MONTH posting all her presents and going on about her “birthday month” on social media, I was turned off and started getting my gym stuff elsewhere.

Glitterbaby17 · 16/01/2024 14:29

Could it be less about the birthday and more about not wanting to go out with someone she doesn’t really know? I really hate it when people add other friends/relations to our catch ups as I find chatting to randoms hard work. As a single parent I don’t get out that often and want to spend that time with friends, not people I don’t know.

Precipice · 16/01/2024 14:29

Who are you to say what's a 'big one' for others?

For your first example, even if it were not a birthday but just a planned get-together organised by that person, they can still say they'd rather not have strangers. It's a little different because the sister's visiting from far away, but I dislike it when I'm trying to meet up with someone and they want to bring their newest boyfriend or whoever.

It's a symbolic date for some people. It's just one day out of the year.

The 'not making an effort' comment was silly of your friend since it's incompatible with your work schedule, but honestly, I'd be annoyed even outside a birthday if I'd made plans with someone and they had 'something come up' on the day and cancelled, unless it was actually something serious. I'd feel hurt. I guess I'd feel more hurt on a birthday.

gannett · 16/01/2024 14:44

Yes it's tedious but that's because of the preciousness not the birthday. Because there's a big difference between making a fuss of your birthday in a celebratory, positive way, and the preciousness of everything having to be Just So, having to be the centre of attention at every minute etc. But you can bet that adults who are tediously precious about their birthdays are also tediously precious about many other things. I try not to have them as my friends.

One of the most baffling things for an adult to care about is celebrating on the actual day - there are many threads here where a poster is distraught that her husband is playing football on her birthday Wednesday, even though they can still celebrate at the weekend. It's just a date. Celebrate whenever it's convenient.

RancidOldHag · 16/01/2024 14:45

So she's arranged a party where she'll know everyone (whether it's for birthday, or just because she wants a party like that is immaterial)

And one of her guests wants to bring a guest.

I think she's given the best possible answer. She doesn't want to expand her guest list. But will make an exception if it's absolutely necessary.

But by bringing a stranger along, you change the nature of the gathering. And any host (whether birthday or not) would be pissed off by that

NewYear24 · 16/01/2024 14:47

I like to be invited to birthday events and I’ve arranged a few things on my non big birthdays. I like getting invited to any social event.
On my big birthdays I always throw myself a party with either a free bar or get caterers in if I’m having a party at home. I go on holidays most of my birthdays as it’s a good time to go away.
I don’t think I am precious, I do like to make the most of life and fit in as many fun things as possible.
I think a lot of people wouldn’t want randoms tagging along on a night out, it can ruin the dynamics if there is someone who doesn’t really know anyone.

TygerPassant · 16/01/2024 14:49

zigzag716746zigzag · 16/01/2024 14:17

TBH I secretly assume it’s some kind of developmental arrestment. That they are making up for something and would otherwise have grown out of it the same way the rest of us did.

This.

Though, OP, I assume in the situation you describe the birthday bit was essentially just backing up her saying ‘Look, I don’t care if your sister is visiting from Mars, I want to have fun and don’t want to be polite to strangers who are tagging along with people I actually invited.’

IhateMIL · 16/01/2024 14:58

It's embarrassing.

I think society is becoming incredibly self obsessed and it's likely all for Instagram posts.

Dacadactyl · 16/01/2024 14:59

zigzag716746zigzag · 16/01/2024 14:17

TBH I secretly assume it’s some kind of developmental arrestment. That they are making up for something and would otherwise have grown out of it the same way the rest of us did.

100% this.

PutThatDownNowPlease · 16/01/2024 15:02

Agree. Especially people who announce their “Birthday Month” on the 1st or that it’s “Officially Libra Season” etc…. 😅

MinionKevin · 16/01/2024 15:07

I have a friend, although we aren’t really friends anymore.
She always ignores my birthday, I expect nothing, but if I see her I would expect her to say HP at least (we live close) but she completely blanks it.
Her birthday is a week later and she clearly thinks it’s incredibly important and that everyone should make a fuss. This year I saw her husband a few days before her birthday and he was telling me when they were in so I could drop round presents for her?

My BIL/SIL are the same. Ignored my birthday for nearly 30 years, think I should make a big fuss of theirs.

banjocat · 16/01/2024 15:10

If I'd booked a nice meal out for my birthday and invited people I wanted to celebrate with, I'd probably rather not have random people I don't know tagging along. It changes the dynamics and if you are sat next to them you have to spend the evening engaging in small talk rather than relaxing with people you know well.

It's not about being 'precious', but just wanting to spend a few hours celebrating with people you love on one day in a year - there's nothing wrong with that.

Aroundthewaygirl · 16/01/2024 15:13

It's very annoying. I fell out with my longest friend over her 50th bday plans. I don't care about bdays small or big ones. She acted a right ass about it and we didn't speak for a long time.

Kit60 · 16/01/2024 16:28

Maybe the boys sharing the birthday party and getting all their presents donated to charity (on the other trending thread) are destined to become these adults. 😆

(I find it very childish too. We all get a birthday every year. Fair enough if it’s a milestone or you’ve had a shit year with illness or something.)

Frasers · 16/01/2024 16:31

I always think it’s maybe about not getting much the rest of the year, so the birthday becomes really important, in terms of gifts, what they do etc etc,

if that’s the case, you only get one day a year, then I can see why it becomes very important to some people.

coxesorangepippin · 16/01/2024 16:31

Totally empathize

FIL had a two night stay in a cottage in the middle of nowhere (5 hour drive for everyone but him) with around 16 family members.

Then insisted on a restaurant dinner to celebrate too (3 hour drive, overnight stay for all the family)

He's 80.

Noicant · 16/01/2024 16:32

Yeah tbh I don’t really get it, the only person I expect anything from is DH and even then I don’t actually like presents, just lunch or dinner out sort of thing.