To think it’s tedious when adults are precious about their birthday (not big birthdays)

[GotMooMilk]

We have been invited out for a friends birthday (33 or 34- not a ‘big one’) and one friend has asked if her sister visiting from Australia can come out. The response was along the lines of ‘she can if you want if she will be alone otherwise but I’d rather I knew everyone there properly as it’s my birthday’.

Maybe I’m being unfair but when adults are precious about ‘their birthday’ and wanting spoiling from anyone beyond their partner/parents I just find it so tedious. My own birthday I’ll go for dinner with DH or lunch with the family but wouldn’t be offended if something came up on the exact day and we had to celebrate at a later date it’s no big deal. I had a friend who was was really annoyed at me (told me this!) for not ‘making an effort’ and coming out for her birthday despite booking a table for 7 midweek when I don’t finish work til 8 on that day. Aargh!

I call it my birthday week but only to DH. 😂 I use it to get lie ins and avoid making decisions about what we’re having for dinner. I do not expect a week of events or presents or anything.

I agree, but I also think that some people are rather mean spirited about birthdays. Just because you don't care about your own birthday surely you can at least wish someone happy birthday?

It's posts on mumsnet where people refuse wedding invitations or invitations to other events because they happen to fall on their birthday that I don't understand. Does it really matter? Are these the type of attention seeking people who cant bear not being the centre of attention on their birthday?

Birthdays are really not a thing between 21 and 75ish, barring the zeros. Once you are past your life expectancy age then you really have something to celebrate every year!

Agree. Given the choice I prefer to spend mine away somewhere with DH and that's it, rarely do anything with friends. Last year was a milestone and DH organised a party but that was more because he wanted to than because I did (we were away on the actual day, as per my preference).

I used to have a friend whose 'birthweek' was the social event of the year for everyone, so far as she was concerned.

Agree, and would extend this to so-called 'big birthdays' which are just an attempt to get people to spend more. Almost all birthdays are 24 hours long.

They might not be "a thing" to you but they are to others. I agree about OTT demands and week long events but still, unless the birthday person is being a dick about it, it's up to them. Life is generally quite hard going, especially the moment so why are people do determined to piss all over an opportunity to feel appreciated or doing something nice?

The thing about birthdays, unlike weddings for example, is that there are so many. If you know just 30 people there's one on average every 12 days. I think there's a limit to how special that can be.

With kids it's already wild how many parties there are to attend and gifts to buy. We do it for the kids of course but I breathe a sigh of relief that for adults it's generally just a happy birthday text!

It was my birthday yesterday we got a McDonald's takeaway for the kids really and I had 2 glasses of Prosecco. I was happy!

So for a lot of posters if you get a text from
a friend saying fancy joining me for a curry next month for my birthday then it’s a negative thing?
Is this because of finances or do you like to stay home every night?

Did I read someone has a birthday MONTH?
I've seen birthday week and thought fudge me that's excessive but a month?!😂

I have a couple of friends who do birthday weeks. One is precious but the other is more like an excuse for a girls holiday somewhere hot 😂on the holiday we do make a fuss but she actually doesn't want a big fuss but we adore her! I think it's because she makes it about us girls on holiday, has such a big heart and isn't precious we want to give her so much love.

Obviously I avoid the precious one during the birthday, a quick phonecard or text, and listen to how her husband x y z a b c for the whole week😂

I think birthdays are important. To me, they are the only day in the year that is about YOU and not everyone else. In our family we celebrate with a favourite birthday meal and cake, inviting anybody else in the family who wants to/is able to come. Carefully chosen presents from nearest and dearest are important too.
I don't think it is 'precious' to do that or, if you are more sociable than me, to choose to go out to celebrate with your friends.
In this case, I agree with some of the other pp's that she probably just didn't want a stranger there and felt that, as it was her birthday (and therefore her party) she was entitled to say so.

I recently had some trees taken down so put a note through the neighbours' doors to let them know. One neighbour called and said she wanted to make sure we didn't block her access as it was her birthday WEEK so people would be coming and going. This is a retired woman with no children and it wasn't a landmark birthday.

She didn't say 'my birthday is that week', she referred to it several times as her 'birthday week'.

I have noticed this phenomenon too- the ones who are precious about their "birthday month" and go on and on about it for weeks are always completely blasé about other people's birthdays. It's so weird to me. You want a huge fuss for an entire month for your birthday but when it's someone else's birthday you don't give a crap?- yeah good luck with that you idiots!

Narcissistic.

I'm mixed on this. I do think birthdays are special and that husbands/children/parents absolutely should remember (without a reminder) and should acknowledge it. There should be cards and gifts.
But birthday weeks and wanting friends/colleagues to rearrange their lives to accommodate it, is too much.

To the poster whose colleague expects her to cover the birthday at work, even though it isn't her own working day - you can say no.

Some people are a bit martyrish about 'having' to make lots of effort for others' birthdays. No one can force you to spend 2 nights away or drive 3 hours for dinner out. You can politely decline!

Haha so do I! I usually use it as an excuse to go shopping and get my hair done etc though, I never involve anyone else and certainly wouldn't tell everyone 😂

I agree it's tedious. Fine if they want to celebrate but the fuss and me me me about it all is so childish.
I remember a friend from school doing so many things to celebrate her 18th, not with different people, it was ridiculous. Most of us couldn't afford to do everything and she got stroppy! Anyway, this has continued into adulthood and her birthday is the most important thing ever each year. She's doing all sorts for her big birthday this year including a party, not near her birthday, but the weekend after mine! I'll have to travel and stay over if I go. I can guarantee her birthday greetings to me will be late.
Birthday month is just attention seeking. It's not always possible for people to attend a birthday celebration and adults need to accept that.

Agree. Birthdays are for children really, who get excited about being another year older.

I find it all a bit cringey unless it’s a big birthday. I also think people have terrible etiquette in regards to birthday celebration. If I could make the rules it would be:

If you want friends to celebrate your birthday but don’t want to pay, organise a get together for drinks at a pub or host people at your house.

If you are an adult earning decent money I think it’s really embarrassing to organise expensive events and demand your friends come to them. Even worse if you expect them to book things for you. Your friends are not surrogate parents once you’re an adult. If you want people to celebrate a certain way you have to pay and organise it.

The thing that bugs me the most is that people want people to celebrate them but are unwilling to be hosts. I think it’s really rude.

I like going out for dinner with my DH and kids on my birthday. I only like to do it on the actual day and see birthdays as only a day.

I had a big party for my 40th where I paid for food and drink and made sure my guests had a great time. I saved for years in advance as if you are asking people to travel and give up their time you should make it easy and fun for them.

For an 80th I think it's a different matter.

We really pushed the boat out for my father's 80th and I'm so glad we did.

Even worse if you expect them to book things for you. Your friends are not surrogate parents once you’re an adult. If you want people to celebrate a certain way you have to pay and organise it

I think this is it- I'm more than happy to celebrate a friend's birthday but I'm not going to plan something out for them every bloody year, I'm not their parent and I have enough on my plate to deal with already. If they want to hold a big bash then great, I'll come and bring a present and have a great time, but they need to organise it (or their partner does).

There is a difference in wanting to celebrate your birthday alone or with people who want to celebrate with you

And saying to people 'I will never speak to you again unless you come to this 5 star hotel for a week and pay for me' or the like

Tedious is a very good word for it. And yes I completely agree.

I'm guessing no-one here has a birthday on December 25th. Trust me, if you want the bare minimum of fuss made for your birthday, that's the day to have it.

Annoys me - even this talk of "big birthdays" it's just another year. In fact the only time I would want to spoil a family member/friend on their birthday as an adult is when they have been through a really tough time, that isn't age related, equally my friends through a party for the one after exh left.

Yes people are far too precious