Why does it seem everyone has a bad birth these days?

[Littleigloo]

Just doing my research (but I have a while to inform myself as we are only trying, at the moment). Out of all my friends and family who have had babies in the last 5-10 years, I would say all bar one or two of them had difficult births to the extent. Two needed debriefs and counselling. Inductions that fail and needed forceps, baby was injured as a result. I don’t know if this is just an unfortunate group of people or indicative of a larger sample. All different ages, some first and some second pregnancy, most of them were low risk.

This coupled with hearing that maternity services are struggling with poor staff and low ratings. How do you mitigate any risk to yourself? I understand it’s very much a how long is a piece of string situation and highly dependent on lots of variables but is it as bad as it seems or do the people with bad experiences just talk about it more?

Thanks

I think some women now see a positive experience for them as being very important and expectations are very high, and often aren't met. Some pps have complained about feeling like they were on a conveyor belt - I imagine that for the midwives we are essentially on a conveyor belt, doesn't stop them doing a good job.

I think I saw it more like going to the dentist - it was going to be painful and unpleasant, but with a much nicer outcome that having a filling.

I had an epidural and a ventose delivery and about 6 stitches - but I wasn't expecting it to be anything but a bit grim, so not disappointed about my experience, and while I shared the experience with a few friends who also had new babies, it was more in the way of thank god that's over, rather than sharing trauma, and most of them went on to do it again!

I had a fairly straightforward and positive experience - 7 hr vaginal delivery in hospital.
However because DS had pooped in utero there was meconium (his first poop) in my waters and there was a risk he would aspirate it on his first breath and get nasty respiratory complications. Because of this they wanted to keep an eye on him and put a heart monitor strap around my belly. That meant I had to labour on my back as when I tried to be upright (squatting) they couldn’t see his heartbeat so I ended up in stirrups I think. I tore and had an episiotomy.
In terms of pain relief I had gas and air, and of course a local for the stitches, and I will always be grateful to the lady who stitched me up because they were painless and healed beautifully.
DS was 38 weeks plus 5 days I think and came out at 6lb 4. I was 34 and fairly fit and active - I had been for a long walk the day before which I think got everything going.
So not bad at all, and I remember thinking it wasn’t bad and I’d do it again.

I really couldn't agree more. And it usually comes from people who've never had a C-section.

I'll never forget overhearing a conversation in the cubicle next to mine when attending maternity triage one evening. A poor woman had just been told the baby had to come out sooner than planned and she was discussing her options with her partner. I remember her saying she would absolutely never agree to a c section as she'd heard that it's the most painful experience imaginable and that she wouldn't be able to move or walk for weeks. And that she'd be left with a very big and very ugly scar.

I think it's actually really sad that so many women are so misinformed about c sections. I'd imagine the majority of women would still opt for a vaginal birth, of course- but I wish they had all the right information.

I had my DC at 42. It was a planned C-section and was completely drama free.

In fact my whole pregnancy and birth were so ridiculously straightforward I wondered whether all the things you read about were just exaggerated scare stories.

I was in and out of hospital within 24 hours and felt absolutely fine. I certainly didn’t need anyone running around looking after me. I was out in town shopping for more baby stuff the next day.

Maybe I was just fortunate. I’ll not be having another so I guess I’ll never know.

People love to exaggerate and gain attention with their dramatic birth stories so that's why you hear more of them. To each individual, it can be a scary ordeal I get that.
I'm quite surprised when I hear of normal, text book pregnancies and births now! It's a breath of fresh air to hear that they do still exist!

I’ve never seen any truth in that in UK hospitals, interventions are ‘offered’ so if something goes wrong and their was a risk factor then less risk of litigation

Two awful NHS hospital births when I was in my 20's, both with high levels of intervention and trauma. One fantastic home birth when I was almost 40, virtually no hands-on. I wish I'd have had my second son at home.

We know that giving birth is in general getting harder. If your Mum had a c section and you are born safely you are likely to have inherited the small pelvis and go on to reproduce and have the same birthing difficulty as she did. Historically she and you would have died and only the healthiest women survived child birth.
Also people use to choose a wife with a view to her birthing capabilities, so stocky, wide hips. Slim women were not desirable. So medical intervention leads to a population less able to give birth in subsequent generations

I think it’s just about being fortunate, I’ve had all normal deliveries with no pain relief but did have a problem in my pregnancies that was a very difficult experience and needed medical care for. I’d find it awful if someone believed I was exaggerating what I went through in pregnancy so I would never want to assume someone was exaggerating their birth experience.

I haven't read the thread, but my answer to your question is that it's simply because of the crisis in maternity services. The quality of maternity care has been declining and midwives are leaving the profession in droves. Maternity services are chronically underfunded and understaffed.

IME there are some HCPs who are very committed to woman-centred care, but the system is not set up that way and it actively harms women.

I've given birth twice in the last 7 years, btw, and I have close family members and friends who have given birth during that time. It's definitely got worse; brexit and Covid obviously didn't help.

My advice is to hire a doula if you can afford it. They will support you to make informed decisions - not because they know better than HCPs, they obviously don't, but they will support you in asking questions, weighing up your options and advocating for yourself and your baby.

https://www.millihill.co.uk/books/give-birth-like-a-feminist/

Most people I know have had straightforward and uncomplicated births. Except me.

I hear a mixture in my friendship circle of good and bad birth stories. Mostly I’ve heard bad stories, some things I’ve heard are about poor quality care, short staff and feeling abandoned, midwives that have been unkind or seeming to ignore mothers instincts or wishes until late on into labour, horrible birthing injuries. I have also heard great ones where births went well, wonderful midwives and drs, good facilities, staff who listened and cared. I have two children and two greatly opposing birth stories. My first baby (2 weeks late and induced) I had an awful birth very prolonged labour with 3rd/4th degree tears and also episotomy, a forcep delivery and a baby with suspected sepsis who was whisked off for a lumbar puncture within hours of being born. The staff did their best and I had some amazing midwives caring for me but It completely put me off to the point I had therapy to get the courage to try for another much wanted baby. 6 years later I had my second baby at the same hospital, planned c section at 39 weeks, with the most amazing team and wonderful midwives - and that was with an extra operation that happened during my c section for cancer. It could have been so much more traumatic but they looked after me so well. I think someone’s birth story can depend on so many things to be honest.

Can you quote that ‘much higher chance’? It is still a very small number as a percentage risk and they also show that stillbirth risk at 37 weeks is similar to at 42 weeks. There are studies which report that the risk of still birth goes down after 42 weeks! I have also seen it stated that despite the increased number of inductions in the UK there hasn’t been a meaningful change in infant mortality. It’s not as clear cut as gestation and I’ve not seen a study which actually proves the ideas that placentas age and stop working past a certain date only because of gestational age. There’s a lot of information which is cherry picked and packaged up and sold in a particular way to align with hospital policies…

I disagree that it is always just to do with just good fortune. There are many factors which I believe make NHS hospital births more risky than they should be and think these issues are only getting worse. Understaffing, time pressures, cascade of intervention, doing things "because it's protocol" without questioning risk vs benefit, not listening to labouring mother or fully explaining pros and cons of actions.

I think I saw it more like going to the dentist - it was going to be painful and unpleasant, but with a much nicer outcome that having a filling.

This was how I went into it too. It was just a means to an end for me.

It might be small overall but surely any risk reduction is worth it. These are our babies lives, what matters more?

@Naptrappedmummy IOL carries risks in itself so it is not necessarily just simply "reducing risk" to induce.

I would agree with this although weirdly the two people I know who had a positive experience both went into it very overly keen that it was going to be a natural birth etc. One is very into fitness and was working out until the day before, the other wanted a water birth and was so set on it I’m not sure what she would have done if it hadn’t gone that way. What I’m saying is I think your mindset probably comes into it a lot. Some people probably don’t spend much time thinking about giving birth until it’s actually happening and then they’re maybe overly shocked at how hard it is.

I had an elective section with both of mine as I just felt I couldn’t take the gamble. Mentally I wouldn’t have been able to cope with it going wrong when it already wasn’t what I wanted in the first place. I would have really felt bitter about the aftermath too if it was at all bad. Whereas a csection recovery was hardly a walk in the park but it’s what I wanted so mentally I was prepared for that and found it positive

I had two very positive births but if I talk about it to anyone I'm told I'm boasting and it doesn't seem well received even when it's meant with good intentions to reduce fear in other women. But if another woman tells a traumatic experience it seems acceptable

@fourlambbhunas If I say that my home birth was honestly one of the most empowering experiences of my life I'm so often had a go at!

Some people probably don’t spend much time thinking about giving birth until it’s actually happening and then they’re maybe overly shocked at how hard it is.
yes this! i know someone who called an ambulance to take her to hospital in labour because she was in so much pain. Completely normal problem free birth. I said they dont call it labour for nothing. She just didnt expect the pain.

Agree 100%. No wonder we only hear the horror stories that feed into fearful painful labours! I think mindset has so much to do with it, and if you're terrified before labour even starts it's just going to create pain and tension x

@ArnieLinson But some women would argue that pain is in fact an unecessary part of childbirth when you can just request an epidural?

That would be me.

Though, of course, it is completely up to the woman to decide.

I had no desire to suffer pain if I didn't have to so happily had an epidural.