Why does it seem everyone has a bad birth these days?

[Littleigloo]

Just doing my research (but I have a while to inform myself as we are only trying, at the moment). Out of all my friends and family who have had babies in the last 5-10 years, I would say all bar one or two of them had difficult births to the extent. Two needed debriefs and counselling. Inductions that fail and needed forceps, baby was injured as a result. I don’t know if this is just an unfortunate group of people or indicative of a larger sample. All different ages, some first and some second pregnancy, most of them were low risk.

This coupled with hearing that maternity services are struggling with poor staff and low ratings. How do you mitigate any risk to yourself? I understand it’s very much a how long is a piece of string situation and highly dependent on lots of variables but is it as bad as it seems or do the people with bad experiences just talk about it more?

Thanks

How is it easier to breastfeed? I had two elective caesareans (amazing btw totally positive experiences and great recovery) and I BF’d both of mine no issues at all. I never understand the whole thing about it being more difficult to BF after a C-section, maybe if it is an emergency and the whole thing is traumatic but just a run of the mill elective? I can’t see this issue.

My apologies I’ve probably scaremongered a bit there by mistake. I meant she would always opt for a section as opposed to an induction.

She was actually a doula before training as a midwife and that’s how I knew her as she assisted with the birth of my DC1. I went into natural labour at 42 weeks and she was an amazing advocate for me and helped me to have as much of a positive birth as I could. DC1 ended up being a ventouse and I had a second degree tear and episiotomy but her help and guidance allowed everything up until that point to feel magical. I find it interesting now she’s seen the other side of it and how much she despairs at the level of women who are pushed into having an induction.

I lay a bit of the blame on hypno birthing and social media. They give this constant narrative that birth doesn’t have to be painful or “traumatic” and the reality is very different and a lot of women are left feeling inadequate or that they performed poorly in birth if they need intervention.

I had 2 elective c-sections which were great, no issues at all. It's not something I talk about much as there isn't really anything to say - I turned up at hospital, I came out with a baby, no drama. People like to hear and retell the dramatic horror stories!

I think a lot of pregnancies continue, and some happen in the first place, in some cases where it wouldn't have even happened in the past, with bodies/genetic issues that aren't ideal for childbirth. Which is great that these women can have dcs now, but I guess nature would have stopped things getting to that stage in the past.

Interventions. Factually, intervention leads to more intervention. The whole process is unnatural.

Yes that’s anecdotal based on that womens probable genetic predisposition. Women in my family have tended to run long in their pregnancies and gone a bit bigger from my grandmother to my mother and her sister to me. My aunt gave birth to 10lb babies in the 70s and went 42+ weeks. My own have been 9-10lb without incident and 42+ weeks.

Also to add that dating in the past was a lot more uncertain than it is now with dating scans. Women weren’t even tracking their cycles.

My 3 siblings and I were all born in the 1960s.

The eldest was about 7lbs. Two of us were 8lbs 6 and one was 9lbs 7. All natural vaginal births.

I can't believe we were that unusual.

The milk usually comes in later with a section, so it’s harder work to get back to the birth weight

I had a bad birth - but if I had had it before the 1960s I'd be dead now and thus not telling people about it. Before 2000 I'd not have been telling people I didn't meet face-to-face about it over the Internet. Same births, more reporting.

I had two inductions, two very positive births with zero tearing or stitches despite being back to back. I think the main thing is that I had a fantastic team that I was able to trust which kept me calm.

I don't usually talk about it though, because it feels pretty gauche to come onto threads where women are discussing their trauma and "brag" about things going well for me. Plus I know it was luck as opposed to anything I did.

I came close to an EMCS with a 10lb baby so I'm glad I agreed to the induction. I don't think it was unnecessary.

I think the wording around this is ‘may come in later’ not ‘usually’. I had no issue with this and neither did anyone else I know who had sections and then BF’d.

It’s some though. Some women and babies will need medical assistance. Not most, not the majority. There are always exceptions to everything. We shouldn’t be minimising the fact that most women can and will have uncomplicated labours if they are properly supported and prepped. And many women who have interventions unnecessarily will end up with negative experiences when they didn’t need to be interfered with. That is the case today.

In the 1970s a lot more mothers smoked or were exposed to passive smoking than now, which also lowers average birth weights.
In my PSHE lessons in the 1990s we were actively being taught that "smoke a bit in pregnancy to get a smaller baby and therefore an easier labour" was actually a bad plan, because it was something they thought we were likely to hear from older relatives....

Currently expecting DC 3.

Previous 2 births were good and then better.

Water broke with first (no contractions) and was almost induced after 24 hrs, but they were too busy to induce quickly and I then went into labour naturally. DS born with no intervention and intact perineum 31 hrs after water broke. Pushed 45 minutes. Home later same day.

Second birth was at a birth centre. Contractions started mildly for about day then DD born without intervention and intact perineum the next evening. Pushed 7 minutes and home 3 hours later!

I highly recommended: reading The Good Birth Companion, Hypnobirthing (can listen to KG recordings on your phone at bedtime), perineal massages from 34/35 weeks (essential), daily cardio, and pelvic floor exercises daily. Oh and be upright when giving birth as this opens up your pelvis significantly more for baby (something like up to 30% more space) and helps produce pain reducing hormones because babies head pushes on cervix.

I had two inductions and both were normal vaginal deliveries. Went into spontaneous labour with 3rd and ended up with an emergency C.Section.

Personally one section was enough and I don't think I'd have coped with 3.

From speaking to many women about their births the traumatic ones seem to be due to either induction or malpresentation (or a combination of both).
I suspect we over intervene nowadays due to the fear of stillbirth and are generally less active and therefore baby gets comfy in the ‘wrong’ position making birth tricky.

I had one horrendous and one amazing experience.

The horrendous one was made worse by a lack of intervention. It took 80 odd hours from my waters breaking to delivery, with absolutely agonising back and leg pain throughout. Could barely walk because my legs locked up with every contract. I was told it was fine until suddenly it wasnt. In fact I was told I was an ideal candidate for home birth when they sent me home the 1st, 2nd and 3rd times. Being consented for blood transfusions and possibly hysterectomy as they ran my bed to theatre by which stage I was seeing things due to fever and exhaustion. Finally ended up with an emcs after failed forceps and 2 hours of pushing. Then dc1 went to Nicu and I went mad.

Dc2 was the most amazing chilled semi emcs with a bunch of amazing women. I watched her beautiful grumpy little face emerge from my body, had skin to skin within minutes and felt safe and supported throughout. Obviously the fact that I physically bounce back helped, we went out to lunch when she was 2 days old and I was floating on air.

Ultimately it seems (having had what felt like half a hospital having a feel) I have a suboptimally flat pelvis and given my babies had heads on the 97th percentile, it's not a match made in heaven.

My friends have a mix of stories. Some had brilliant births, others had awful ones. What people find traumatic or bad varies too. I think if I hadn't passed out and ended up thinking dc1 was a doll in an incubator, I might not have found his birth particularly awful. There are positives too, the kindness of some staff members, the fact that I managed to go from Friday morning to the early hours of wednesday morning with no sleep due to pain and could still string a sentence together. Good luck torturing me with sleep deprivation!

On the subject of size. Dc1 was six pounds nine ounces and still didn't fit. Head size over 35cm is more a predictor of problems than weight. Although I think low weight can also cause descent issues. On the other hand both my tiny grandmothers gave birth to a brace of 10 plus pound babies at home with zero issues in the 40s.

I was 10lb plus born in the 1950s. One of my grandmothers babies was said to be 14lbs. Some babies might have been smaller but I don't think it was that unusual to have big babies.

No movement from 34 weeks. No fluids so baby couldn't turn. Breech with a section at 36w.

It would have been a dead baby with the chance of me dying too, 100 years ago.

I think previously any kind of traumatic birth was just called giving birth. Women were expected to get on with it, I think forceps and intervention were just as common but weren't seen as 'traumatic', just a part of it.

However similar to you I don’t know anyone in real life who had a positive birth. Apart from a few smug bloggers.

This is why you don't hear them because anyone who has a good experience is accused of being smug.

I agree OP. None of my friends (all healthy, mid 30s with uncomplicated pregnancies) had what I would consider a ‘good’ first birth. One needed an ECS, one needed a ventouse, one needed forceps and has been told she may be incontinent after the menopause and also couldn’t hold in her gas for months after birth! I wasn’t willing to risk a traumatic birth or pelvic floor complications so elected for a planned C section and for me it was absolutely the best option. No complications, lovely calm birth and straightforward healing.

Women have fewer births. The first is normally the worst. Birth 1 would have been eclipsed by the further 6 in the past!

Also women are older, babies are bigger.

We are also more informed and talk about our experiences. My grandmother wouldn't have chatted about birth with her friends.

My post sounds awful, I don't mean to put down anyone who has had a traumatic birth by any stretch of the imagination. I had a forceps delivery myself and found it very traumatic, rather that women were being treated awfully on all parts of their lives and labour and delivery was no different.