Why does it seem everyone has a bad birth these days?

[Littleigloo]

Just doing my research (but I have a while to inform myself as we are only trying, at the moment). Out of all my friends and family who have had babies in the last 5-10 years, I would say all bar one or two of them had difficult births to the extent. Two needed debriefs and counselling. Inductions that fail and needed forceps, baby was injured as a result. I don’t know if this is just an unfortunate group of people or indicative of a larger sample. All different ages, some first and some second pregnancy, most of them were low risk.

This coupled with hearing that maternity services are struggling with poor staff and low ratings. How do you mitigate any risk to yourself? I understand it’s very much a how long is a piece of string situation and highly dependent on lots of variables but is it as bad as it seems or do the people with bad experiences just talk about it more?

Thanks

It is lovely when here of poster such as above who has 1st baby at 37 and easy delivery as would say is unusual but nice that does sometimes happen.
However the women generally see having no problems with their first births are under 21-25, even an obese 20 year old inevitably gets on alot better than a slim fit 32 year old

Agree with this - 9lb baby which people say ouch to, but 1 hour Labour and no tear. Positioning (and no doubt genetics) are more important than baby's size

I had 2 brilliant births- one emergency section and one planned. Really quick and easy recovery, no problem breastfeeding. I did decline induction with first and ended up going into labour naturally 13 days over.

@AhBiscuits "I don't talk about it a lot as insensitive to people who had a rough time."

But that means people only hear scary stories.

It's like trying to be positive about breastfeeding on Mumsnet. It's impossible.

Hospital policy favours the hospital and not women and babies. They'd rather induce or section because they can plan their rotas better. Induction leads to a higher chance of a section.

Home births have a very low chance of a problem

I had a long first labour, DS1 was back to back and I ended up with a ventouse. It was fine. I wasn’t traumatised. I mean, it wasn’t the most pleasant experience but I just see it as that was how it was meant to be.

DS2 was born after a 20minute Labour with no pain relief. It was much easier than DS1’s birth but i ended up lying on the bed, shaking like a leaf, afterwards because I was so shocked at the speed of it.

DDIL has just had DGS, 3 weeks ago. She had D&V all through Christmas night, thinking DS2 hadn’t cooked the turkey properly, but she was in labour. Her waters went at 4.50am and she got to the hospital just before 8am to find she was fully dilated. She tried the pool and gas and air but baby was back to back, his head was in an odd position and he was high. They gave her an epidural and spinal at 11ish so she could rest and hope the baby would come down, but he didn’t so she had a c-section and he was born at 13.26.

She’s been absolutely incredible. She was up out of bed that evening and home the next afternoon. We saw her 3 days later and she was wandering about like nothing had happened. I saw her again on Saturday and you’d never know she’s just had major surgery.

Well, they’re certainly better than they were even 100 years ago because most women actually survive birth so…

A mixture of things.

I had an easy birth, most in a birth pool, no pain relief, a few stitches but quick recovery. I don't talk about it unless asked because it feels braggy. Still though I just wasn't prepared for the pain. I guess I've never experienced physical pain and I never exercise so I just wasn't used to my body exerting itself and feeling bad.

Also people didn't used to talk about it. Birthing used to be very risky, you were lucky if both you and baby survived. So many people with a baby who you spoke to would be happy, now we are divorced from the reality of giving birth right until it happens to us.

Understaffing unfortunately is a huge part of this. Also a more complex patient group these days as PP have said, due to things like age and obesity.
And maybe expectations management. Anecdotally we don’t seem to have the same cautious view of pregnancy & childbirth that we used to. But it is still not risk & complication free.

I was terrified of tearing when I was pregnant with my first and adverts for something called aniball (a pelvic floor trainer) kept popping up on my social media so I thought I would try it (it's only to be used in the last few weeks of pregnancy. It worked wonders, I had a very quick water birth in the local birthing unit (the midwife didn't believe me when I said I needed to push as she was convinced I had another 2 hours to go). I had no complications and did not tear either. As it was 2021 and I wasn't allowed into work because of the risk of Covid, I did have lots of time to keep active by walking and doing yoga. With my second pregnancy I was busy running around after a one year old but towards the end I did use the aniball again and had a second very quick labour and water birth with no tearing or complications. I was 32 and 34 respectively at the time of giving birth.

Yep, this is why I had two elective c sections. Hard recoveries, but no trauma, very little pain, felt much more in control of the situation. Ultimately, I knew that there would be a highly trained group of people dedicated to caring for me and my baby - I wouldn't be left alone or under the care of some over stretched, under trained midwife who was also caring for umpteen other people. No thanks.

I also think that the process can be over medicated. I really had to fight not to be induced, and was still within my time limit.

I had one that I found difficult. It was very quick with paramedics attending at the end who kept trying to move me. I had to into hospital for ds to be monitored (medication - but he was lucky to have no after effects) and no one would listen to how I felt. No one took my b/p and I was shaking like a leaf and white as anything to the point initially I couldn’t safely hold him. I felt awful that I couldn’t and very misread by the staff around me. I tore badly, but couldn’t get up to have a bath or anything early enough, which was humiliating. I was really put off by whole experience of interacting with medical people, but I’d also had a crap time during pregnancy with that too with a lot of pressure resulting in moving hospitals 2 days before my due date after that hospital wanted to call the police because we disagreed on the monitoring plan for baby. (They wanted NICU even if no symptoms, I wanted him to remain with me and be admitted only if he needed it.)

The second time I was lucky enough to have one of those amazing births - hypnobirthing, water birth, home birth, no complications. Again, it was so quick midwives couldn’t attend. I was offered a debrief for that but didn’t feel I needed it as I’d prepared myself that communication might fail (hospital didn’t listen to the fact I have fast labours) and that I may be alone with just my DH. We were given incorrect time expectations but hospital, so I got in the pool thinking midwives would pop in any minute, but more than an hour later, dd was born and we were still without them. I’d also asked how to deliver in water in case no one got there, which helped. I’d had a fab registrar who listened in pregnancy and was just amazing.

The big difference for me was the second time I was able to be prepared for the way I labour and be in an environment where I wasn’t being pressured. I felt happy and in control, but recognised I was very lucky for nothing untoward to happen. In both cases, hypnobirthing helped me feel more able to manage things and listen to my body.

I do think that not listening to women can be a big part of things feeling traumatic. Feeling unheard and being pressured is stressful. Sometimes, for medical reasons, it’s necessary, but there are plenty of times it’s not needed and still happens.

Four babies, all would be classed as good births although one was induced (only just thought as within half an hour of the pessary he had arrived - dreadful after pains). I had one child in my twenties, two in my thirties and one in my forties. My final birth was a water birth at home and was my easiest birth and biggest baby. As a pp said - normal births aren’t probably exciting enough to be talked about as much.

Everyone here is going on about inductions being awful, but there is a much higher chance of stillborn babies once you go over 40 weeks (the placenta is only meant to last so long and eventually deteriorates).

I know someone who had a stillborn baby from letting it go overdue - baby died in the womb. I get inductions can cause more interventions but personally I think in the UK we should induce more. In other countries where they have higher induction they have a lower rate of stillbirths than the UK.

I had a straight forward, positive birth experience but I've found that when I say that, the assumption is that I had a 'intervention free' unmedicated birth. When I say I was induced and had an epidural, it's like some people don't believe it was actually positive and a good experience for me.

I've requested an elective c-section this time because I'm having twins and have no desire to attempt a vaginal delivery with twins.

There’s definitely truth in that, often heard from women who had several children that a certain birth was more difficult than the others, and wasn’t always the first birth!
Even Queen Victoria apparently first asked for pain relief with one of her later children.

To the OP I’ve known older women expecting their first baby have wonderful smooth deliveries (generally home/birth centres) and women having 4th babies to end up with their first emergency caesarean. I’ve known 11lb+ babies deliver with no issues and people who have had 6lb babies get stuck. I’ve known women to feel traumatised from a normal delivery but other women to experience a forceps or emergency caesarean and still found it a positive experience. I think if women feel well cared for and in control it makes a huge difference

I don't know but I agree, when I gave birth I had a (smooth) c-section but out of my nct group 5 out of 7 ended up needing emergency sections. 2 other friends recently had failed inductions, week long labour ending in sections anyway. My own birth was delayed by 4 days because of the number of emergencies. Maybe it's always been this way and I've just never been aware?

I've heard this a lot but it couldn't have been easier for me to breastfeed after my elective. He latched on as I was being wheeled out of theatre. Conversely, two of my friends had vaginal births and they really struggled to feed.

OP: Like a PP said, it's stories like these that pushed me to choose a c section. It was bloody brilliant. Very straightforward. No pain during or after. I've had more pain plucking my eyebrows. I'd do it again and again.

A couple of hundred years ago women and babies died. Just check any old records or old graveyard.
Birth is risky. But read everything you can, knowledge is important.
But I’m glad of modern medicine because otherwise I would have died, at birth.

I had my little boy at 21 and had an extremely easy birth. 5 minutes of pushing 'officially' but only because I was trying not to push on the way to the hospital whilst sat in the car. When I was checked in maternity triage they could see his head. No tearing. Tiny bit of a labial graze. I didn't have time for anything other than a dihydrocodeine and gas and air. He was 10lbs too and a student midwifes 38th baby! He also breastfed wonderfully and without issue. I feel like I can't join conversations about birth become mine was too easy. I never really brought it up in group settings like baby groups as it felt like a twattish thing to say after someone had recounted their horrible birth experience

Too many inductions. Not enough education around labour - what to expect, how to prepare for it (not just from courses like NCT, but intergenerational knowledge passed down from the community of women around pregnant mothers). Too few qualified staff. Risk adverse hospital practices which result in too much intervention. Women who don't feel empowered to ask questions about their care (not their fault).

I had two amazing births, but I know I am in the minority and don't talk about them unless asked

I have a group of 7 Mum friends.

For the first child
2/7 of us had emergency c-section (mine was due to failed induction(induced due to size of baby, the other was prolonged failure to progress)
4/7 had normal vaginal delivery with no complications
1/7 had forceps delivery but no complications following that.

5 of us have had second children
the 2 of us which had emergency c-section the first time opted to have planned c-sections the second time
1/5 had emergency c-section due to failure to progress (baby ended up being 11lb 🙈)
2/5 had normal delivery with no complications.

Not everyone has a horror story birth. Despite having an emergency c-section with my first i don’t think it was a bad delivery it just wasn’t what I’d planned, I’m definitely not traumatised or anything from it. My planned c-section with my second was really chilled out and wasn’t a bad birth either.

I was 30 and totally healthy. Had a really healthy pregnancy. Didn’t need induction. Vaginal birth. But various mess ups and lack of care from midwives caused a traumatic birth and post birth experience for both me and my husband

I don’t want to criticise midwives as I’ve encountered many wonderful ones, and I don’t know whether it’s because they are overworked and understaffed, but almost all issues I had were caused by their mistakes/lack of care.

I had two very positive homebirths. The 2nd one was long, much longer than the 1st. If I was in hospital they would have intervened and likely would have turned into a traumatic experience.