If you were a SAHM ... how did you swing it?

[TheBeesKnee]

Was the secret having a husband with a well paid job? Or something else?

I have a series of KIT days coming up. Baby is 8 months old. I can't bear the thought of leaving him. He changes so much day to day and I would love to stop work but we have a mortgage to pay. I am literally devastated.

Short of relocating somewhere VERY cheap I just don't see how I could take any more time off work. I'm only really able to take a year off because we were saving money for IVF when I fell pregnant after 4 years of trying.

It just all feels so shit.

When I became a SAHM, we relocated from the south east to a cheaper area. We had a nigh on 50% deposit to put down on a house. We took the mortgage out on his salary alone.

DH didn't earn a lot at the time.

Then when we wanted to move to better house, I worked one weekend day and one evening a week, so that I was still around 5 days a week for the youngest who wasn't at school.

It was important for both of us that I stayed at home.

I then got PT school hours jobs while kids at primary. Eldest now 16 and still PT.

If I had been in your position I wouldn't have given up a decent FT job, spent five years as a SAHP, and returned to low paying part time work then .

I earned what I earned when I was working FT due to the number of years I had been there. I didn't enjoy it, I didn't like it and many days I hated it. If I hadn't left to be a SAHM, I would still be there - quite likely earning a very good salary and bonus but being really unhappy.

I'd love to be in a position where I loved my job but I never knew what I wanted to do and still don't and just fell into the job I had.

I think people do what is right for them at the time. If I had a career I loved, I'd have stayed doing it too as would probably most of us on this thread.

My husband has a well paying job and I didn't. He didn't mind if I worked or stayed at home so I decided to stay at home

I always knew that if I had a baby, I would want to look after it myself. I always felt I would no more pay another woman to look after my baby than I would pay another woman to sleep with my husband. My jobs. DH knew my feelings on this and agreed before we married. When DS came along we lost my income, and DH began side business, which grew to the point DH was able to quit his job and run the business full-time. Having me at home full -time became so integral to our successful family unit (no childcare, no crisis on anything, home-made meals, tidy well run home, always someone at home if required, summer weekends away at our caravan by the beach easy to organise, a wife with energy and time to nurture DH) we got used to the luxury of having me as a SAHM despite having only one DS. I never did go back to work and 40 years later agree it was best decision we ever took for our family. We did have an income we could manage on from the business, but it certainly wasn’t enormous, but there are big savings on home made meals,caravan weekends, extending house ourselves etc. It was a choice we considered and feel for us it was most definitely the right one. DS now aged 39 tells me he agrees, remembering a happy childhood and a mum with a lot of time for him.

Not a high earning DP here - average salary. So I'm technically not a SAHM but I was going to be (money wasn't the reason I'm not i just decided i needed to get out of the house and be around other adults! My mental health wasnt great during maternity leave, so i decided to return last minute) but we have 0 mortgage. I'm still likely to be a SAHM at some point, because our job isn't very child friendly to work around (and doesn't help it is at the same place)

@Christmasnutcracker I'm not sure I would've gone back to work, even if I loved my job.

I just thought it was my job to stay at home, look after the kids, DH and house. Going back to work never really entered my head tbh.

The only way I'd have gone back to work FT would've been if my mum was willing to look after the kids, cos I know she'd do it how I wanted it done.

As it stands, we were very early 20s having our kids and will be early 40s by time youngest is 18, so will have plenty of time to decide what I want to do then (or at least that's the plan)

I could go back to my job at any point, have my own and joint savings, DH earns a very good salary. I protected myself, my career, my future and that of our family. We have 5 kids who aren't being raised by strangers 24/7. Even if our financial situation was tight I wouldn't change a thing

My salary was equal to my DD's nursery fees and the cost of fuel to get to my job so I was no better off working. I decided to go back to work though as I did not want to be a SAHP.

Good luck with that. I was also early 40s when I went back. It's not easy getting back into employment after such a long time out. Your skills and experience have pretty much expired in the eyes of potential employers. CV is a useless document and you have to pretty much start over.

He works from home, so gets a lot more time with them than if they were at school.

And he believes they're better off with parents than strangers, and ideally with their mother. So he doesn't feel like he's missing out.

You misunderstand me. I became a mum at 21 and stayed at home til I was 31 and then youngest went to primary.

Then went back to work PT around the kids and am 38 now. There's no financial pressure and I think the world's my oyster in terms of retraining etc once kids are grown up.