Is it ever okay to be called a man as a woman ?

[fatmess]

My husband has really upset me this morning.
He asked a stupid question and I lightheartedly called him a prat. Well apparently I'm a man, that is a man's word and something once of the lads call each other... so im one of the lads, a bloke. He was being horrible when he said it, not messing around.
Now I might be over reacting but I'm 8 months pregnant, very emotional and hormonal, feel disgusting as it is and so far from attractive, he hasn't come near me in months and now all I can think is that he really does see me that way, a bloke.
I'm really upset and cried my eyes out saying thanks alot, that's really insulting and I was only messing about. I feel like absolute shit.
He knows how bad I feel about myself, I've voiced my insecurities about him not wanting to sleep with me and said I'm worried you don't fancy me anymore.
He has just stormed off to work and basically told me to fuck off and if I didn't call him a Pratt he wouldn't feel the need to call me a man

I’ve been called a boy since I was a kid by all my cousins. Never bothered me.

it sounds like he was just trying to upset you. I wouldn’t take too much from it

Well it's certainly worked. I know being pregnant doesn't help but I just think that was really personal and no need for it

I think calling someone a prat is really horrible though. I can't imagine it being used in a lighthearted way. Maybe that's just me though. People see some words as being more harsh than how others see them maybe.

I've called people prat plenty of times and I'm definitely not a man, and I've never heard of it beyond a word that only men use it are allowed to use.
Probably because it's not, and your husband was being a knob.

You called him a prat he came back with an unimaginative come back.

He was obviously bothered by you calling him a prat no matter how ‘lighthearted’ it was.

I don’t think calling you one of the lad is any worse than calling him a part. Though what he said didn’t makes sense as part isn’t a word men, exclusively, use.

You have both taken the insults the other said far more to heart than they intended. maybe because it struck at your own insecurities.

Theres nothing inherently awful about being called a man. It’s not like it’s the worst insult there is.

And in fairness if dp called me a name and I called him one back and he believed it was ok for him to do it but not me, then cried because of how mean I was, I might not be in the mood to deal with it.

Though telling you to fuck off wasn’t ok.

We call each other things a lot though, it's just the way we are, our humour
When someone says something stupid "dickhead etc" it's nothing we usually get all bothered about so I just don't see why prat would be any different ?
But apparently it makes me a man !! I do think he took that too far, he knows how horrible I feel lately so I do think he was being plain nasty

So calling each other dickhead is fine, this is how you talk to each other, you called him a prat, but he said prat is a word for men and now you’re mortally offended?

What a weird pair.

You need to get a grip! If you don’t want him to name call, don’t do the same to him.
IMO, you were both being pratts.

Assuming you are in the UK then you have both got up early, he’s got to go to work, he’s said something daft and you’ve taken the mickey out of him, he’s come back with a ridiculous reply and then you have cried so he’s stormed off to work. Sounds like you both over reacted a bit. I don’t think that this means he sees you as a man or finds you unattractive- that’s a bit of a stretch. Unless this is part of an ongoing story I’d write it off as a bad start to the day and see how I could make myself feel better. Personally I’d start with a nice warm shower and a cuppa.

Maybe we are.
But I'm 8 months pregnant and have more of an excuse to be offended these days when I feel so horrible about myself, he doesn't.

Thank you. That's exactly what it was, taking the mickey. Nothing bad meant
Taking the mickey is normal in our circles, everyone takes the piss. He went all ott and was personal I think

Prat is used quite lightheartedly where I'm from, and wouldn't be out of the realm of banter between friends and family who know each other well!

What he's said to you though is hurtful and insulting, and very much personalised to make you feel shit so I'd be upset too.

Hope he apologises and actually shows with actions that he's sorry. Is he usually like this?

Prat is such a mild term though! And not only used by men AT ALL. Literally all the women I use this word, always have, and I'm mid fifties. Good grief, men don't have a special list of words only they get to use!?!

But that's hardly the point here is it. His awful behaviour is causing you distress. He needs to change this, now.

You have created a relationship where it’s ok to call eachother names in jest. Entirely up to you. I know people like this. Your relationship is up to you.

However, the risk is that one day someone isn’t feeling it and the insult you pick will hit differently. And it gets out of hand.

One says something, the other retaliates because they feel hurt when they may not usually. And in the moment neither think about the context and the other persons current insecurities or realises it will be taken so seriously. Or even over reacts because they are hurt.

If you have a relationship like this it’s not always going to land well. Not every time. It’s the risk you take.

Calling him a prat, obviously, really bothered him as well. But your excuse is that it was intended to be lighthearted. Your intention doesn’t really matter if you hurt his feelings. It’s not banter if the other person is upset. He retaliated and probably didn’t think ‘I will calm her a man because that will really hurt her’ just said the first thing that came to mind. You hit a nerve and so did he.

But then you turned yourself into the victim. You both should apologise to each other. Surely, you don’t like that you, clearly, upset him wether you meant to or not.

Are you sure he didn't hear "twat" instead?

Prat is such a mild world that I'd be really surprised if that offended him, unless he was just annoyed at being laughed at.

Just re-read your post. Did he actually tell you to fuck off or basically imply it? Two very different things.

That’s a point ‘told me to fuck odd’ and ‘basically told me to fuck off’ is 2 different things.

If you're going to name call I don't see why one person gets to decide what crosses a line and what doesn't. I don't understand this sort of "banter". I don't call people I like names.

He told me to fuck off, not unusual for him when he's in a mood or I've pissed him off or whatever.
No he didn't hear twat, he knows full well I said prat.
I will happily apologise for offending him, he is the one who has issues with saying sorry, so stubborn and determined that he is usually in the right, or that he only did it because of xyz

Prat is such a mild term though! And not only used by men AT ALL. Literally all the women I use this word, always have, and I'm mid fifties. Good grief, men don't have a special list of words only they get to use!?!

Yeah, I'm in my 60s and would use the word much like 'twit'.

Sorry op, sounds like he was being a prat and didn't like being called on it so escalated and then you overreacted. A pregnant woman is so very clearly absolutely not a man that he used just about the most idiotic attempt at a riposte ever.

Slightly off topic but ‘twat’ seems to be a different insult depending on where you are. In East Anglia where I’m from it was a mild word, similar to prat or wally, but when I moved to the North West and used it in front of the school mums there was a whole load of gasps and shocked looks and someone explained to me that it was not a mild insult. Not as bad as the c word but certainly not a joking term. And these women use some fairly robust language themselves 😂

Personally I would not be with a man who routinely told me to fuck off.

You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes.

As PP have said this is the problem in a relationship where name-calling and joking around like this is the norm - sometimes, someone is in a bad mood or genuinely upset and it can all go very wrong.

My marriage is actually pretty similar in that we joke around like that a lot but you do have to be able to say "look, I'm not in the mood today" and the other person needs to respect that - otherwise it stops being fun and starts being quite unpleasant.

It's hilarious to call you a man while you're PREGNANT, though! The one thing a man couldn't possibly be 😁

This whole argument's utterly bonkers. Have another cuppa. Hope you feel better soon.