Is it ever okay to be called a man as a woman ?

[fatmess]

My husband has really upset me this morning.
He asked a stupid question and I lightheartedly called him a prat. Well apparently I'm a man, that is a man's word and something once of the lads call each other... so im one of the lads, a bloke. He was being horrible when he said it, not messing around.
Now I might be over reacting but I'm 8 months pregnant, very emotional and hormonal, feel disgusting as it is and so far from attractive, he hasn't come near me in months and now all I can think is that he really does see me that way, a bloke.
I'm really upset and cried my eyes out saying thanks alot, that's really insulting and I was only messing about. I feel like absolute shit.
He knows how bad I feel about myself, I've voiced my insecurities about him not wanting to sleep with me and said I'm worried you don't fancy me anymore.
He has just stormed off to work and basically told me to fuck off and if I didn't call him a Pratt he wouldn't feel the need to call me a man

Telling you to fuck off is not ok.

It’s only 7.25am. Most people aren’t at their best and shit gets out of hand. Especially this early on a morming.

But you believe you can be more offended because you are pregnant and feeling crap about yourself. You clearly think there’s loads of other issues.

But no, I don’t think his (shit) come back is any worse than you calling him a part

edited to say telling you to fuck off is NOT ok

I do think it's barmy, I know this !! The pregnancy hormones are really driving it. It doesn't take much atm for me to cry or shout. I have said sorry so will see if I get the same back, doubt it though

You both overreacted. Whatever works for you but I can't see the appeal of insulting each other in the name of "humour".

What was the 'stupid' question he asked that caused you to call him a prat? Maybe he was embarrassed that you thought his question was stupid (and therefore by you calling him a prat) and was acting more defensively than he typically would, if you regularly call each other names like that?

You're heavily pregnant, nobody in their right mind can mistake your for being a man. I don't know why he said it but I definitely wouldn't worry about it.

I'd worry about his complete inability to apologise, but you presumably knew about that before you got pregnant.

And that’s another context you need to take into account. if you are shouting or crying a lot, though it’s within the realms of normal, isn’t easy to deal with. For either you or him.

I hope he apologises too

Wtf. Pregnancy hormones are not a free out of jail card let alone one that gets you to say it's in the other one. Would you call your boss a prat because you are eight months along?

You're pregnant, not in the middle of labour.

It's not something we do everyday, just if someone says something daft. It's normal in our life, and family and friends too ! We're not purposely trying to hurt each other, I'm sure we're not the only people in the world that do it

Don't want to say as it would be too outing, but it was something really boring to do with the house

You definitely are not.

But then you aren’t the only people on the world that’s had it backfire on occasion.

Stop feeling horrible about yourself. Start feeling good that you're amazing body is growing and nurturing your baby. Change your mindset or you'll never be content.

Prat is a really mild insult and definitely gender neutral! Twat was also a mild insult here in Gloucestershire and something I've had to learn not to say. Telling you to fuck off is worse.

Op please don't feel disgusting and unattractive, you're 8 months pregnant and that's a beautiful thing! I hope your partner apologises later.

I've had an apology. A sincere one too, he's explained why it insulted him and I get it now.
My hormones are wild, and I do feel fucking vile but that's another thing isn't it

This is bonkers! Prat is like ‘complete Wally’. Why can only a man use a term like prat.
both oversensitive really but maybe just a bad day.

Glad he has apologised. Shit happens. Things get out of hand. People feel crap some days (even when not pregnant) or tired or just aren’t the mood for it. And it happens.

Maybe your view that he never apologises isn’t right either?

Pregnancy is hard. It is. But it’s temporary. But if you think your anger is beyond the point of normal tiredness, body under strain just getting to you then maybe reach out to your doctor or midwife and discuss it.

I am not saying it is beyond the point of normal, just if you think it is.

I'd personally consider being considered to be one of the lads a compliment.

But I do spent a lot of my working/social life with largely male dominated groups, some of whom think of women as inferior.

stop right there.

You two are twits for sure. And both overreacting in different ways. But don't blame pregnancy for being a twit. That's on you. It's hard enough being a woman without people making it more difficult.

Perhaps you two need a calm conversation about how you talk to each other around your child. I call my DH an ARSE all the time. He embraces it. It is fun. But we have never done it around the DCs. (except now they've grown and left home they do know about it)

You're feeling rejected and sexually frustrated because he's stopped having sex with you since you've been pregnant.

This is really common amongst men. They ridiculously seem to think that they might be poking the baby in the eye as they're shagging you or some such nonsense. Either way, it's most likely to be the baby inside you, not you yourself who is "putting him off".

Because of this rejection, you've taken what was probably a flippant comment to heart and as something way more personal that I imagine it was intended.

Truth is, as soon as the baby comes out he'll probably be desperate to shag him and you won't want him anywhere near you because you'll be lactating and tired and focused on the baby.

This is why good communication (& not just telling each other to "fuck off") is so important when you decide to have kids together.

Explain to him that you're horny now and if he's expecting sex after the baby comes out then he needs to recognise that midwives expect you to give yourself at least six weeks to recover after the birth and you may in fact need more time than that, so if he doesn't take the opportunity whilst you're pregnant, he might have to wait until April or later to get laid. Not very romantic, but the truth.

Sounds like you both need to be kinder to each other when you're talking though.

forgot to add: when you have a child don't go around saying some questions are stupid. That's not on when children are growing up

Maybe stop calling each other names because if you're both getting upset and offended and going on the attack (him) then clearly it's not light-hearted any more.

That's good news. Did he say if he really thinks that prat is a term that only blokes use?
It was considered a very mild insult in my 1960's all girls school.

Glad it all worked out alright OP, you both said daft things you didn't realise the other would take in a serious way. Hope you can relax and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

Being called a man is a low blow. Not sure why other posters don't get the upset. It's got a particular nastiness to it. A total shut down. Hits to the core. Prat is just saying silly billy. Completely different terms.

Enjoy your soon to be heat baby OP!

You both sound as childish as each other! I’ve found that people who call each other names all the time (even if meant in humour) have usually come from a verbally abusive background themselves where their parents behaved in a similar way.

i admit me and my ex were a little bit like this but looking back now I realise that both me and him didn’t have a normal background and we had parents that also behaved in a similar way and even called us (their children) names too. So both me and my ex grew up thinking it was normal to insult people in the name of ‘humour’! I’ve also noticed this with other families too. I no longer do this anymore as I now realise name calling can become very hurtful

Why did it insult him btw? And glad all is OK now.