Anyone else's daughter suddenly a Christian?

[daffodilDiana]

We are a family who are unsure about religious beliefs. My grandparents were Christians, although they didn't strictly follow the Bible. However, my parents are atheists. I feel comfortable calling myself agnostic.

Since she turned 13, my daughter, now 15, has been facing anxiety and body image concerns. To all of our surprise, she has started attending our nearby church, alone and spending a significant amount of time there. Every time I've popped in she's either by herself or with a few elderly people. Despite wearing a cross beneath her blazer, listening to Gregorian chants and engaging in bedtime prayers, she doesn't truly understand what being a Christian entails. While it's brought her increased confidence and happiness, she lacks knowledge about Jesus, the Bible, and Christian principles. She's told me hell isn't real, for example. I asked her about gay marriage and she said people can love who they love and something about Jesus loving all. Though I refrain from questioning her too much as it seems to make her content, I've also noticed her making judgmental comments about other girls' clothing choices, which I've pulled her up on, and i've been informed that Christian tiktok is tasteless and flashy. Isn't everything on tiktok tasteless and flashy?

She has a romanticized view of Christianity, but she's also more confident, working harder at school and generally more serene and polite. So while her newfound interest in Christianity may be just a phase, I'm curious about why it might be having a positive impact on her despite her lack of knowledge about it?

I am an atheist but sporadically went to church 13-15. I left when i realised they didn’t have any convincing evidence for their claims that i just hadn't come across yet, it was all just wishful thinking. It did me no harm and was a part of figuring out who i was as i entered adulthood and exercised my own choices.
also - i believe there is very little about “Hell” in the Bible, most of it comes from exposition by later scholars, particularly medieval.

I'm just loving how this thread has become a impromptu gathering of progressive Christians and the humility, openness and genuine attempts to engage with the initial have been refreshing! And yes to knowing clergy who do not believe in 'God' in the literal sense but are nonetheless some of the holiest people I know and yes to finding the sacred suffused in every day life and yes to letting teens find the good stuff in Christianity as part of their own spiritual journey.

I'm training for ministry and I do not believe in 'God' or 'Hell' in the sense that some people (usually non Christians) understand them! As long as your daughter isn't getting caught up in some damaging fundamentalism why not let her explore things for herself and perhaps accompany her on the journey?

Also a Christian and don't believe my faith calls on me to make judgements on other people's sexuality. Have many gay friends who I love and in no way think they have been condemned. God made them who they are.

I am a Christian and I do believe in hell. I also don't agree with gay marriage within churches.

There are some fantastic churches out there if you are lucky enough to find them. I would also recommend the Alpha course for your daughter (and yourself??) as it will allow your daughter to ask any big questions and to also gain an understanding of the Bible and what Jesus did for humanity. They will also be able to support her with different aspects of the Bible, and how to read it.

I would also suggest your daughter joins a youth fellowship so that she is around some other Christians of the same age. It is important to have Christian friends and mentors from all ages of course, but there is something special in being able to discuss common themes and life phases with people of the same age.

Christianity has definitely developed to be more modern lately - there are some absolutely wonderful bands that do some really modern Christian music, and I absolutely love it. I'd recommend checking out HillsongWorship, Hillsong United, Bethel, Housefires, Passion, Leeland, Mass Anthem, and Phil Wickham :)

Personally I would feel very uncomfortable with my teenage daughter going to a place full of random, unknown (but apparently trustworthy because religious) adults without me and suddenly having a strange personality change. Maybe I’ve watched too many documentaries..

@bethepeace best of luck on your ordination! One of my best friends is a vicar and she says the same. She doesn’t judge anyone. She would love to have a young girl like OP’s daughter in her church to explore her faith with her in a safe space.

I had a bit of a religious phase that age. it brought me a lot of comfort.

Why don´t you giver your DD the tools to learn more about Christianity? Get her in touch with progressive Christians, accompany her to church etc?

So your child has gained confidence and some community, and you're upset why?

You can be Christian and not believe in literal hell. Many Christians I know have no issue with gay marriage. You're the one not understanding here.

Yes, pull her up on the comments. But otherwise, think about why this bothers you.

I am a little surprised at this young girl just rolling up at a church minus a parent. If I were a part of the congregation I would be gently seeking some information about her family and whether the church might engage with them in some way to make sure the child is cared for, and that her parents know where she is. It is unusual for a child to randomly turn up alone in this setting.

I am also surprised that the OP, as mother, has not become more engaged in checking this all out. As a parent I would want to know where she was and what influences there are on her. I would also need to better understand what has led her in that direction.

There are some seriously weird fundamentalist evangelical churches out there, even under the CofE umbrella. It does sound as though she is going to a church that is more liberal and humane, but I would want to be absolutely sure about that if I were the parent.

Absolutely this.

When you mention Gregorian chants, it sounds like what had captured her imagination ( and soul if you will), is the beautiful music and mysticism of religion. I think that’s wonderful and can feed a need for spirituality.

I am a Christian and I believe that if hell exists it's empty by now because there's no limit to God's redeeming power. I also believe that there's nothing wrong with gay marriage. You might want to educate yourself a bit about the breadth of beliefs within Christianity. Any list you see of things that Christians have to believe has been written by a particular sect that doesn't encompass all of Christianity.

It seems to be valuable and meaningful for your dd. i would worry a lot more if she was going to a more modern evangelical church, some of which verge on being cult-like and can manipulate people with provoking mass emotional reactions in large and overwhelming services. But hanging out with old people and listening to Gregorian chants isn't nearly so worrying.

@Mischance It's barely a congregation, merely a smattering of old codgers, really. We live in the heart of rural nowhere where everyone is well acquainted with everybody else, and the church is often left entirely empty. It's practically a stone's throw away from our house. If she can manage to hop on a bus and journey to town unaccompanied, then surely she can sit in a church that is literally within view from my window, even at the age of 15.

@aliceinanwonderland I can agree, the Gregorian chants are magical.

@daffodilDiana what do you think of the majority of posts saying that you don’t seem to know much about Christianity?

Well, religion and spirituality can have a very powerful impact. That can be good but it also comes with an opportunity for abuse, coercion etc.

That’s why I would probably want to accompany her a few times.

Maybe she likes hanging out with the old people? Maybe it's a completely different social circle from the usual stress of school.
Maybe she just likes the calm and peace of being in church. Church buildings can be good places to take some time out.

I find the gentle rituals of my church comforting if I'm feeling anxious.

@daffodilDiana What do you think of the many responses people have taken the time to write to you?

Your daughter sounds like an asset to the Church. You, on the other hand, I am definitely worried about. You have some really weird ideas.

I’m a Christian and am ok with gay marriage - what I get a bit sick of is people who are very anti Christian telling me what I should and shouldn’t believe 🙈. Like if I’m not a gay hating, hypocritical buffoon who goes round ranting about fire and brimstone it doesn’t fit their narrative

This is reminding me of the poster a year or so ago who used to post endlessly about the Queen being defender of the faith in order to to elicit ‘heretical’ (ie. Reasonable) religious opinions so she could get angry with them. The big difference is that @daffodilDiana isn’t bothering to engage at all.

Yes there's nothing so fun as atheists telling people they're doing religion wrong 😉

Another Christian that doesn’t believe in hell and is positively for gay marriage. It’s almost as if being a Christian means different things to different people, COE, Catholic and so on.

Gregorian chants are beautiful as is choral music, music and art is an intrinsic part of the history of the church.

I also think it’s rather rude to say it’s hardly a congregation. They are a group congregating to worship 🤔

I would be concerned about why she is choosing to go on her own and source a church which has more of a youth following if possible. I’d offer to go with her and try and understand her motivations a bit better.
but ultimately it doesn’t sounds like it’s doing her any harm.