Anyone else's daughter suddenly a Christian?

[daffodilDiana]

We are a family who are unsure about religious beliefs. My grandparents were Christians, although they didn't strictly follow the Bible. However, my parents are atheists. I feel comfortable calling myself agnostic.

Since she turned 13, my daughter, now 15, has been facing anxiety and body image concerns. To all of our surprise, she has started attending our nearby church, alone and spending a significant amount of time there. Every time I've popped in she's either by herself or with a few elderly people. Despite wearing a cross beneath her blazer, listening to Gregorian chants and engaging in bedtime prayers, she doesn't truly understand what being a Christian entails. While it's brought her increased confidence and happiness, she lacks knowledge about Jesus, the Bible, and Christian principles. She's told me hell isn't real, for example. I asked her about gay marriage and she said people can love who they love and something about Jesus loving all. Though I refrain from questioning her too much as it seems to make her content, I've also noticed her making judgmental comments about other girls' clothing choices, which I've pulled her up on, and i've been informed that Christian tiktok is tasteless and flashy. Isn't everything on tiktok tasteless and flashy?

She has a romanticized view of Christianity, but she's also more confident, working harder at school and generally more serene and polite. So while her newfound interest in Christianity may be just a phase, I'm curious about why it might be having a positive impact on her despite her lack of knowledge about it?

My grandparents were Christians, although they didn't strictly follow the Bible.

Nor do the vast majority of Christians worldwide, for the very good reason that it's not possible. Biblical literalism is a fairly recent, and niche, type of Christianity.

As for not understanding what being a Christian entails ... who does?! (This reminds me of my DD's C of E primary, which confidently asserted that, in Year One, children would learn to understand salvation. Cos, you know, your average five-year-old is well able to take on board something that's baffled theologians for a couple of millennia.)

Christianity comes in very many flavours, sounds like your DD has found a modern one that works in the real world. Far better than joining up with some fire and brimstone fundamentalist group! Let her go on her faith journey, it's clearly making her happy. And maybe remind her about the 'judge not' bit in the Bible.

(I am a staunch atheist).

@penjil which parts of the bible would you point OP's daughter to?

I have a Christian faith but the Bible is hard. E.g. the brutal war crimes in Judges, which theologians have massive debates over.

What type of church is it? C of E/Catholic/other? I would only be potentially concerned if it was an evangelical type church, but even then would visit to see what it was like.

May be a phase, may not be. She's exploring it. I'm a Catholic and have become more involved in church, going weekly for a few years. She will learn about Jesus and the Bible there; there are a number of readings each week where she will hear the Bible verbatim.

The general premise of Jesus and his values are good ones; look after the poor, treat your neighbour like yourself, 10 commandments (be good!). I don't think you have much to worry about.

I'm a Sunday school teacher and I think you need to lay off. There are far worse things your child could be into.

Op i have 2 children whom found their faith in their teens. At age 22 ds still wears a cross and has contact with the wonderful youth leader whose group he joined. He has also helped out at the youth camps as a young adult.

Dd2 at 24 is lbqt and a Christian. Her faith came later but certainly supports her now. She is tonight going to the youth group to help as one of the adults there.

Both of them have been with Christian groups to support making a home ds in Mexico and dd in Moldova.

Ds was brought up baptist now an aetstist. I was brought up in a Lutheran protestant home. I have a spritual belief would likely if pushed say I am a Christian but I'm not practicing.

Our other 2 children have no belief. None of my.children believe in hell nor do they think lbqt = you can't be a Christian.

For my 2 it has brought a lot of joy and support to their lives. For me I am happy they found something they believe in. Something that supports them. I try not to judge their journey but I have conversations so I can hear their viewpoint.

Church can positive and supportive places. Sounds like your dd has found this?

My family and I are mostly agnostic or atheist. My gran was never confirmed but took the wafers and wine in church because as she actually liked it. My dad's sister was religious, and my paternal uncle is too, but my dad has mostly given up on it.

My neice (who never had strong religious convictions) had started going to a uni Christian group in the first year of university. I asked her about this and she said it was just a way to make friends! She's still very "meh" about religion. She says she likes the churches she visits, "they're pretty!" But also, she has found friends, who know she has doubts but it doesn't matter?

Maybe you could go with her a couple of times to see what it's like?

I am Christian but still wear short skirts! I like the community of the Church and the people. It sounds good that your daughter has found something that she enjoys, but as she is so young I would be wanting to go along with her to see what it is about. She may appreciate your supporting her.

I would far rather my daughter's did this than stood on street corners drinking vodka and taking drugs

I'm not only Christian but work for the c of e - I believe in equal marriage, I wear short skirts to work and don't believe in the literal truth of the bible ... and nor to most clergy! There's such a broad interpretation of what it means to be Christian out there, I am at the most liberal end.

It seems more like you don't fully understand what being a Christian entails, I don't mean that badly, but plenty of Christians don't believe in hell - perhaps the majority and many also believe in same sex marriage. Its unusual yes but if she seems like she's found meaning and community maybe she's on to something! Your phrase 'following the bible' really popped out at me as showing that perhaps you have a stereotypes view of religion yourself, it's not a rule book! It's a beautiful unfolding of one particular way of understanding the world as saturated with love and meaning and divinity.

This is educational. I thought hell was a basic tenet of Christianity - how can you not believe in it??

I can see your concern OP. Probably just a thing to keep an eye on. Don't be too oppositional. I'm glad she has has found some comfort. Of course you don't want her (as a young and impressionable child) to be brainwashed by anything dangerous or cultist that is hard to them extrapolate herself from.

Yes one good thing about the thread is that I'm hoping people who don't know very much about Christianity might read it and find out that some of the stereotypes aren't true. I don't know any Christians who believe in hell!

Sorry the word extrapolate is wrong. Fuzzy brain can't grasp correct one... I mean extract(?!) yourself from situation.

Isn’t it better that she is finding comfort and support from going to church rather than drugs, alcohol or TikTok?

A church is often about more than religion. It’s a ‘family’ that you feel part of.

She's right about Christian Tic Tok it's absolutely toxic. Look up Brittany Dawn for example.

Your daughter seems to be quite sensible.

In all the ways teenage girls can rebel and go off the rails I think you’ve struck gold with this one.

If you think all Christians believe in hell then this is going to blow your mind - a portion of church goers don't even definitely believe in God (some of them are even priests)

What a strange post OP.

You say that you have more or less no experience of Christianity yourself and yet you confidently assert that your daughter does not understand what it entails despite the fact that she actually does go to church (and you don’t).

It’s also a strange post because you seem to think there is a problem. And yet, there is no problem at all. Your daughter is happier than before.

Finally I find it odd that despite many people taking time to write thoughtful replies, you haven’t bothered to respond.

when I was a depressed, anxious teenager I was reading an autobiography about Marilyn Monroe who had converted to judaism and I got it into my head that finding God and following a religion would help me. I wrote to the local synagogue and got a lovely letter back from the rabbi explaining that it was a big decision and I was welcome to come and visit but that converting was best done later on, when I was an adult. Needless to say to say, it was a phase,
for me at least. It might be a longer lasting journey for your daughter. For me, it was looking outside of myself for the answers and support I couldn't find in myself or from
home. My Mum had very poor mental
health at the time and was little support to me. Has she got support for her anxiety, like counselling etc?

She's 15, not 5. She's old enough and, presumably, intelligent enough to explore for herself which - if any - faith she might like to have.
As for your comments about gay marriage and hell: a very large number of Christians in the UK (which is where I assume you are) support same-sex marriage and not believing in hell is fairly standard too. My local CofE church is proudly LGBTQ+ friendly, for example.
Which denomination is the church? There are definitely some... Interesting... Denominations that you'd be wise to keep an eye on. But many (indeed most) are perfectly pleasant and welcoming places where your daughter might just flourish.

Hey OP. I'm a Christian and I do believe in hell. Though I disagree with some of the theology of pp, this thread illustrates well that nobody has the monopoly on correct interpretation of the Bible, me included, and we should all be humble enough to reflect.

My best advice to you is this: Christianity, at its core, is about knowing and loving Jesus. Any minister or pastor would teach her that she's loved, and should love others. As she matures, her views will evolve - I certainly hold to different views now than I did as a 15-year-old Christian.

As pp have said, you're right to call out unkind comments.

Checking in as another Christian who doesn't believe in hell and who definitely supports gay marriage.

There's a huge amount of disagreement among theologians about what Christianity is, never mind us random punters. Sounds like neither you nor your daughter knows.

As others have said, this is having an incredible positive effect on her. That's marvellous. There's many worse things she could get involved in. Relax and let her find herself, don't be so hostile and don't insist on an in-depth knowledge of doctrine.

Sounds great! I don’t see why this is a problem?

Just encourage her to read, read, read… the Bible, the lives of the saints, and the history of the early Church and the core tenets of the Nicene creed to get a comprehensive grasp of what Christianity means and how to live it.

Also, don’t understand how Christians can not believe in hell… I mean we can be hopeful universal salvationists, but ultimately hell is a state of consciousness that we put ourselves in when we choose to turn away from God and reject unity with him. It is faith in and attention to God in this life which prepares us to be in eternal union with him. Conversely, hell is the state of eternal separation from the divine love of God.

I am agnostic, but when my children were a similar age we used to sing in the church choir. They made a good bunch of friends, learned about a faith that has shaped much of western culture, had splendid musical opportunities .... on the whole it was a positive experience. They also learned how to weed out the bad aspects from the good. It seems your DD is doing similar by rightly giving the concept of hell and gay prejudice the boot.
As long as it is not a fundamentalist evangelical church then I would leave to it for now.