Autistic women assemble! #3

[Nepmarthiturn]

This is a thread for autistic women to connect, chat, vent, laugh, share and seek advice and solidarity (small talk and word mincing not required). 😊

Any autistic women newly finding the thread are very welcome to join us (even if awaiting diagnosis) but we'd be grateful if others could leave us alone please…

Previous threads:

1

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4777843-autistic-women-assemble

#2
http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4865805-autistic-women-assemble-2

Sorry you're having such a busy time, @Psychoticbreak

Interesting what you say about the meds. I've been on mirtazapine for years, and whenever I try to come off them, I sink into a terrible low mood.

My doctor thinks I should just stay on them now, and I don't mind doing so.

DS still hasn't heard back from Social Security Scotland about his ADP redetermination.

I'm sorry I offended you. I was only trying to be honest. You asked if I felt a stigma against it and I explained my thoughts. But perhaps I should have said something else. I'll leave the thread.

Crikey, Shell. That's been a long time. I did think Scotland was better at this sort of thing timescale wise. Seems like they were good for the initial award, but now dragging their feet since you've appealed it. Fingers crossed you hear something positive soon.

If you are still reading Running, I will try and explain our collective difficulties as Autistic women on this thread (sorry to anyone who doesn't agree - I don't mean to speak for all of us, but at the same time, I know what we repeatedly come up against)

Regarding 'stigma':

Stigma is something we come up against every day of our lives. It's something we have a shared bond with on here. That's not to say we are closed off to anyone without a diagnosis (I think you'd just have to read back through this thread and previous ones and you will see that we welcome Autistic women and Autistic questioning women with open arms and advice a-plenty)

However, when someone who is questioning whether they may be autistic themselves, I hope and think that they may do so with compassio for both themselves and for those of us who have already been through the lengthy process of assessment. I'd like to think that it's a place whereby we leave the stereotypes and doubt at the door. Prior to assessment and diagnosis, we have, collectively been to hell and back. Decades of misdiagnosis, gaslighting and not being believed or understood has taken it's toll on us.

Most of us are in varying stages of acceptance. For some, it is an instant relief and knowledge that we know know, understand and accept who we are.

Whilst it's true that the wider population doubt the rise in Neurodivergent diagnosis, and whilst we appreciate that we ourselves doubted ourselves in going forward with the extremely challenging process of assessment, I think it's triggering to hear that a person on this thread feels it's over diagnosed and 'just a quirk'

I hope that explains things a little better, and how sometimes we may come across as a bit defensive and weary. It is genuinely without prejudice that we are happy to chat, explain, and often bare our souls in an effort to help others that have been, and find themselves in our lived situation.

I genuinely wish you well in getting to the bottom of your struggles. Be it depression, anxiety, or possible Neurodivergence. It's not nice to be struggling in life and feeling alone.

Thank you, Rainbow, for always explaining things so well.

Well, DS got some good news. He's been placed in the LCWRA group on Universal Credit.

This means that the 141 page form I completed was worth doing. But why do they make it so hard?

He'll get a premium in his monthly payments now, and they'll stop ringing him every week, asking him to apply for jobs.

Now we just need to get the decision on the ADP redetermination, and I can relax.

Oh, and he's agreed to get a cleaner! I'm rejoicing secretly about this.

This is all brilliant news, Shell.

I'm just about to transition from Tax Credits to UC myself. So after going through the PIP process and being awarded in January, I'll have to go through applying for LCWRA. As DD is Autistic and gets DLA, I don't think I'll have to look for work, but as I get PIP, I won't be able to claim carers allowance, hence I'll be going down the LCWRA route.

It's never ending, isn't it?

It's never ending, isn't it?

Yes, until you're in receipt of your state pension, which I've been getting for 18 months now.

Needless to say, I then had all of DS's claims to make for him. I suppose it has kept me busy.

I've been meaning to post about this for ages, but does anyone else hold their hands in this way? Sort of out over, away from the body. I feel like it's a variation of 't rex arms' It probably looks really uncomfortable to most people, but I find it really comforting. (Tbh, it's totally involuntary)

No, I don’t do that and it does look uncomfortable to me but as long as it’s comfortable for you, all that matters. I also like your bracelet

Blimey, I've been trying to do that, but I can't.

I bet it's to do with EDS.

Okay, edited to add that I can do this easily with my left arm (and now realise that I sometimes do) but I absolutely can't with my right.

DS has started volunteering in the village charity shop.

We went fifteen miles today to collect our groceries, and I asked him if he regretted moving here. He looked at me as if I was mad, and said he had never been happier - he was in a lovely place, with a two bedroomed flat of his own, and he was near to me and to my DH, who he now calls dad.

And that is wonderful. (His own father, my ex, is a nasty bully.)

I'm not even sure why I asked him if he was happy here - I was not expecting him to say that he wasn't. I suppose I just wanted to check.

I'll tell you something funny. I go to a lunch club for old people twice a week and we have a bit of bingo - we're very competitive and terrible gamblers - and I won a hot water bottle with a cover. Anyway, I gave it to DS to take to the charity shop, and he decided to keep it, because, as he said:

"my brother and sisters will come and stay and I'll be able to give them this, and hope they score me highly on the Four in a Bed feedback form"

Ah, Shell. That's amazing! Really, really lovely to read. ❤️

BTW, I think you're right about my hands being an EDS thing. It weirdly never occurred to me.

<pokes head in>

Mind if I join?

🤣🤣🤣

Hello @exerciseshmexercise and welcome to the thread!

Thank you @TheShellBeach

@exerciseshmexercise just post whenever you feel ready.

Hi may I join?
ADHD diagnosed but I also have autism ( I believe not diagnosed but my friend who is a specialist with autism in schools has confirmed this as much as she can for me)

Anyway, hi

Hi @hendoop and welcome!

I do this and sometimes grape vine my legs to but one thing I do to relax or to get rid of the icky feeling is lie down and put either and arm or a leg in the air and it gives me a release as such

Wow!
I do that, too.

So through my sport Brazilian juijitsu (which seems to be the most neuro diverse place I have ever been) I have made some amazing friends and 3 of us regularly go for a brunch after training (we are all adhd / on the spectrum) and we have realised that loads of what we called habits are self soothing.
Both of the other women work with autistic children