Autistic women assemble! #3

[Nepmarthiturn]

This is a thread for autistic women to connect, chat, vent, laugh, share and seek advice and solidarity (small talk and word mincing not required). 😊

Any autistic women newly finding the thread are very welcome to join us (even if awaiting diagnosis) but we'd be grateful if others could leave us alone please…

Previous threads:

1

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4777843-autistic-women-assemble

#2
http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4865805-autistic-women-assemble-2

Excellent news!

@FrankieElf pleased to hear all went good.

@Psychoticbreak how's the medication going?

@TheShellBeach how are you doing my lovely? Any news on DS' Mandatory Reconsideration?

@SwordToFlamethrower sorry to hear you felt angry and lost after the ADHD diagnosis. It's always a bit of a washing machine cycle of emotions I always say. Hope you can make your pace with it at some point, although I see you still have your Autism assessment to come.

@MumofoneASD pleased to hear that you feel happier with your diagnosis. Exonerated of your past is a good way to describe it, but I don't always think that we should need to feel that about our pasts. Often it's other people who have made us feel crap about ourselves, therefore it is a them problem, not an us problem iyswim.

@Nepmarthiturn how's things with you? Not heard much from you and just hoping all is OK (obviously I know its not easy, being an Autistic single parent myself with an Autistic daughter)

I'm OK. Just gotten over Covid and enjoyed a fairly relaxed half term. Not looking forward to going back to school on Monday. One good thing though, we were given a leaflet last summer for a local organisation that helps young people with mental and physical health issues by funding exercise programmes. DD went yesterday to a lovely, quiet gym for a circuit training session. Three other kids her age there. She loved it, and this is a kid who hasn't done PE at school for 5 years! They are funding her for 1 to 1 personal training sessions with the guy who owns the gym - who she met yesterday and loved - It could have gone either way. We were also recommened a place on Monday for example which specialises in kids with Neurodivergence. Arts / crafts / soft play type things. She walked in and then ran out of the door. We paid £24 for literally 5 seconds. It's such a complex issue. She has Autism, ADHD and extreme anxiety, but cannot cope with younger kids and screaming. It feels sometimes like we are being dismissive / not inclusive, but her sensory overload just means she cannot deal with it. It sometimes feels like all the other ND kids love this sort of stuff, but it's a hard no for us.

Sorry for the waffle.

Thank you @RainbowZebraWarrior

I think when I say exonerated, I probably mean from my own self criticism. Although to be fair, most of that was rooted in things I was told about myself by my parents - that I was difficult, spoiled, selfish etc.

I can be much kinder to myself now.

I've spent 50 years trying SO hard to be like everyone else and feeling a failure. Now I know why it has been so hard, and I don't need to try anymore. I can be me, drop the mask, be anti social if I want to.

I am now thinking about whether I want to disclose my diagnosis to my employer. I may start another thread about that.

I am now thinking about whether I want to disclose my diagnosis to my employer. I may start another thread about that

If you do, @MumofoneASD be aware that you'll get a lot of responses asking you why you feel the need to have a label, and another lot of responses telling you that you've managed perfectly well up to now at work, so why do you need to tell your employer.

That's the sort of crap we see daily on these boards. It makes me so mad.

Having a “label” means we are eligible for reasonable adjustments, also means an extra layer of protection from bullying. I would probably disclose but I work in IT security and my organisation is very sympathetic to ND

i currently wfh full time with occasional trips to the office. I would definitely “pull the autism card” to ensure I could wfh most of the time in an other role. I always found ft in office hell. It’s absolutely exhausting!

@RainbowZebraWarrior I am still on a low enough dose I think but I seem to be able to focus on things a bit better now I am not sure if thats the meds or the placebo effect but I will take it. I am thinking less about my ex and not obsessing about him as much but again that could be time over meds so not really sure quite yet but will stick with them and hope for the best thanks for asking.

Hey everyone, I posted a few weeks ago on the thread about getting a diagnosis. In the end I was able to ask my parents to help with the informant forms.

The diagnosis came through and I feel a mixture of relief and exhaustion. I'm doing a lot of processing of past events through a new lens, but I'm also going about my day not constantly beating myself up.

Thanks to everyone who replied. I don't post much here but reading the thread is very helpful.

I'm glad you got a diagnosis - I've found since mine it's much easier to be kind to myself.

I found it changed everything for the better once I knew for sure.
It has helped me to make sense of my life.

Husband referred for ADHD | Mumsnet

Am I just being overly sensitive here?

I think it’s very difficult. My oldest has v severe adhd, it’s far more debilitating for him than his asd and I was really upset when it was first diagnosed. We want our children to have the easiest path possible through life and he’d got obstacles already.

although in light of her dh’s referral she does seem particularly insensitive and unsympathetic

There is a thread on AIBU where someone thinks they may be autistic. Someone else suggests that she doesn’t meet the criteria as autistic people are often highly organised.

when God was handing out executive function I was alphabetising my record collection. 🤣. But getting to an appointment on time. Nope not possible

I generally avoid reading threads where people post anti-autism stuff. It's just too depressing, reading the strange things that people think about us.

I used to read those threads avidly, and report them to MNHQ for being ableist. I can't do it now. I think it's part of the RSD profile in me. I actually find it unbearable.

Does anyone else relate?

@RainbowZebraWarrior How's your DD getting on?

@Nepmarthiturn Are you okay? I haven't seen you post for a while.

I agree, I don't read either any more @TheShellBeach

DD is doing good, thanks. We've started this programme of personal training which is funded by a local organisation aimed at improving the mental health of young people. She's really enjoying it, which is more than I can say about the Occ Therapy she is having which is 1. Useless and 2. Intrusive (the lead keeps asking about DDs Dad which is neither here nor there. She comes across like an old fashioned nosy social worker)

Anyway, all OK (in the scheme of things) how's you and yours Shell?

Hope everyone else is doing OK.

I too saw that thread when it first popped up but I can't read any of the negative stuff as I get such a physical reaction - it makes me ill with rage! Not good for an already compromised nervous system. One day there will be less stigma and judgement, here's hoping!

I've been officially diagnosed with ADHD and I told my daughter's steiner school play group teacher and she said "how is a label going to help you?" And she started to say "I suppose we are all a bit..." the trailed off.

Does this happen a lot? Because it's happening to me more often than not.

And it's getting me down. You'd think a teacher would have had some autism awareness training and not come out with questions that put you in a position where you have to justify yourself.

Do they do this to kids with autism as well, or just women?

Fed up.

That’s an absolutely outrageous comment from someone who works with children.

A diagnosis opens doors to treatment and accommodations as well as an understanding of ourselves

Ugh. Saying that a diagnosis is a "label" is guaranteed to rile me.

And so is the assertion that "we're all a bit autistic".

If everyone was autistic, the entire population would get PIP or ADP.

Incredibly ignorant but then I think ignorance is far more prevalent than autism.

Oh and talking about state benefits - my glorious autistic neighbour has just been awarded Attendance Allowance (higher rate) after I completed her forms.

She's taking me out for dinner tonight to celebrate. Yay!

I need to start charging for this.

🤣🤣🤣

Congratulations to your neighbour @TheShellBeach and enjoy the meal 🙂

I shall!

Ought I to order the steak and be done with it, or is that CF territory?
🤣

I’m going to use this 🤣

well done @TheShellBeach for helping your neighbour get what she needs.

Just got back from the Hotel McPosh and yes, I did have the steak. 🤣

We had such an interesting conversation about all our autistic relatives.