If you’re neurodivergent, can you pick up on when others around you are?

[Naaarna]

Just interested. I feel as if I can. It’s made me wonder if others around me who I haven’t disclosed to can see it very obviously in me Apparently though neurodivergent people are more likely to be friends, partners, etc with other ND folk because they just understand each other well.

Aaw what lovely teens!

Plenty of people over the age of 40 are parents (or grandparents) of neuro diverse people - some of those over the age of 40.

Why would you hate yourself? Probably best you don't.

I have a really high proportion of autistic friends and am NT. I don't know why!

... are you though???. 😄

Well....I'm not so sure! I'm definitely not autistic but have been described as eccentric by several people.

Yes I have ADHD and can see it in members of my family and people I work with.

Husband is ND and all his friends from his sports/ hobbies are clearly autistic! He doesn’t recognise it in himself but any observer would pick up very quickly!
I am NT ..I think !

I’m ND and can often spot ND in others. I was seeing a guy once whose communication style especially via text really began to grate one me which wasn’t great since it was a LDR. I felt like he was almost reading from a script and extremely repetitive. I shared with him that I was ND and asked him if he was ND too, and he tried to avoid answering, but it was really important for me to know as we were getting serious ( he wanted me to relocate and marry him) in the end he disclosed that yes he was ND, but wouldn’t be any more specific than that.

Most of my friends are definitely NT which is perhaps why I notice ND people.

Not diagnosed (yet) but I highly suspect I am ND, every single one of my friends seems to be ND (some diagnosed, some not) as well as most of the people I've dated. Everybody I meet and get along with usually ends up telling me they have ADHD/ASD or they strongly suspect it.

@PickAChew oh absolutely. But I suppose I meant NT people over 40 with no personal or professional connection to ND people. NT parents of ND kids, and younger NT people who spend a whole lot of time on social media are more likely to have an understanding of neurodiversity than your average NT person with a full time job and busy family who’s not on social media much.

Yes definitely, although I have stopped mentioning it to people as they don't like it , especially if not awear yet

Yes. I have ADHD and many of my friends and people I get on with have ADHD traits if they're not diagnosed.

I understand autistic people and can usually spot their traits but don't generally enjoy their company as much (not in a rude way, just horses for courses). The two things feel very broadly opposing to me in terms of personalities.

I suspected I'm asd for ages but never got a formal diagnosis. In recent years I have spotted that some people stand out. There is something awkward in their movement or where they are looking which I immediately relate to and I have an impulse to get to know them better.

Like others here I struggle with normal friendship lots of people simply don't seem interested in me (despite being quite an interesting person) and I wonder if they have the same unconscious feeling in reverse. That certainly makes me feel better.

Out of curiosity, would anyone recommend a hobby where I'm likely to find more such people that aren't your stereotypical DnD/magic groups, I don't have time for that? I've tried hobbies but failed to make connections. I do wonder if it's just me being lazy and not having the energy to maintain contact with people/imagining I've put someone off/being shy.

My DD is ND and when she started secondary all her friends also seem to be ND (some diagnosed some not)

I actually worried about friendships as she had struggled last year of primary but actually she's been fine - I guess a bigger pool of people like her.

I had a very funny conversation with DD (ADHD and ASD diagnosed) and DH at the start of the holidays about DD’s masking, trying to understand what her mask is. Apparently I’ve been masking my whole life and never understood it as that, it was just what I needed to do to get on!

But yes I can detect ND in others and tend to flock with them. Chances are my close friends all are in one way or another. I agree with whoever said upthread that NT people pick up on ND and exclude as a consequence, although not necessarily consciously. At least that’s my experience.

DD’s close friends, most of whom she met at secondary having been very isolated at primary, are all ND even if they don’t know it. It’s been great to see her find her tribe.

What I’m now wondering is how the way we recruit at work is affected by anyone’s Adar? We make huge efforts to recruit diverse talent and generally do quite well in all sorts of key diversity measures, but don’t specifically think about this and it clearly could skew things.

This is interesting as a number of my female friends are looking into the assessment process for ASD or ADHD or both at the moment and I've been trying to work out whether they are a representative sample or if I just have more friends who might be in these categories than most.
I'm undiagnosed but strongly suspect I have ADHD and possibly ASD too. One thing which makes me think this is that, even as a child, I always found it easy, even refreshing, to speak with people (teachers at secondary school for example) who others said were "odd" or "horrible" or "unfriendly". I was always baffled by this as I always found them really straightforward. They certainly had their quirks but, in my opinion, they were so easy to understand.
I know have a few colleagues who have either been diagnosed or are waiting for diagnosis and I do find that my conversations with them are more efficient as we can just cut through all of the faffing. On the flip side, you do have to be careful as those with rejection sensitivity can be upset if they take one of these more blunt comments as being about them.

My DD and I have noticed that we've become close with so many people- only to find out they are also ND! I think we naturally gravitate towards others who are ND without even realising it. It makes sense- of course you're going to get on best with people who are similar to you and have similar experiences. My DD says that her friend from drama has turned out to be autistic too, and she was one of the first and only friends my DD has made in her club.

Yes I have 3 nd children, I'm nd and so is my partner. I have a very large family 20 out of 23 cousins has one of the nd diagnoses and as I've gotten older I can tell sometimes just by the way someone walks and body language it's a definite radar. Little ones do it at nursery you get a little group who will gather together but not necessarily play they just know.

I think I can. I’m diagnosed ADHD and I’m fairly certain that I’m autistic too. There’s been people in life who I’ve gravitated toward and I’ve just understood them instantly. They’re the quirky oddballs. Conversation usually flows easily, even when the topic is about something that I’m not interested in.

There’s a type of person who I find exceptionally frustrating because they visibly stop listening when I’m talking to them. I’ve been able to figure out that it annoys ME so much because I make such a conscious effort to listen to what other people are saying and stay engaged, but I can’t put my finger on WHY they do it. Do they detect that I’m ND? Is there perhaps a cause that I haven’t detected in them? …Are they maybe just downright rude?

Admittedly, I just assume that anyone who likes small talk is NT.

@SeriousFaffing I never thought I was one for small talk but after 20 years with my ASD DH I‘be increasingly found myself craving a bit of light chat about the weather just to break up the infodumping and endless diatribes about why everyone else in the world is wrong about stuff. 😂 A balance in all things is necessary, I think!

@Bunnyhair Haha, point taken!

I suppose there’s small talk and there’s small talk. A lovely woman I used to work with enjoyed general life chatter and was a natural at it. While I appreciated that she was interested and clearly just a lovely person, I’d feel myself fidgeting internally and would feel very awkward about it all.

‘Me too. Im adhd and literally cannot deal with autistic people at all and find them unbelievably difficult to be around. My adhd symptoms really flare up when trying.’

Try being autistic AND having adhd 🙄it’s a constant battle in my brain for stimulation versus routine, it’s exhausting!

‘There’s been people in life who I’ve gravitated toward and I’ve just understood them instantly. They’re the quirky oddballs. Conversation usually flows easily, even when the topic is about something that I’m not interested in.’

My partner describes us as ‘kaleidoscopic brained beings who plait conversations together’ which I think is delightful. Our natural conversations with other ND people are expansive and non-linear and involve lots of tangents and happy interruptions 😊

It must be. The need for routine when sometimes finding it impossible to get anything done must be unbareable.