Really angry

[Shithole101]

I'm all on mn posting about kids room , all the cleaning I have done. Going on about how it's getting better. Trying to work with positive energy. I have been going on about what I'm doing next , the things I Need to do bla bla . But reality is i have done next to fuck all since I finished the boys bedroom on Friday. Tuesday I done 4 lots of washing. Got 3 loads hung up. The 4th has Been in the washing machine wet since Tuesday. The washing that's now dry I just dumped in my room no sorting , no folding nothing. I have left all the shit in the spare room from doing the boys room. All I done yesterday was take a bit of rubbish to the bins. In my head I feel like im really busy. But im not I have done nothing.

Sorry its a mixed post im really angry with myself.

Sounds like a lot.

How old are your boys?

I’m assuming from your previous posts you’ve had to move area. Have you started to think about how you’re going to meet new friends?

@Iwishiwasasilentnight I'm a bit confused what do you mean I moved area ?

I would put the washing on again even if just a quick wash if it's gone funky. Prioritise getting that dry.

One thing at a time 💐

Blimey, op, you're allowed a break!

You worked round the clock to finish that room, you'll be tired even if you're too wired to recognise it.

Sounds like you're a bit stressed / anxious, just take it easy and don't beat yourself up for having some time off from it all.

I know but it's taking the piss now . I finished that room Friday evening that a week ago tomorrow. And I'm on mn saying I'm gonna do this and that . But I'm not following it through. All smoke and no fire. And if I'm not careful I will slip back to where I started. The let's do this feeling has gone.

I've seen your previous posts and I think you should cut yourself some slack. I think it sounds like you're doing a fantastic job, we are all allowed to have off days/weeks. I hope you don't think that sounds patronising.

Practically, I think focus on one task at a time. Wash the washing again, get it dry, fold and put away. Then have a cup of tea and sit down. When you feel up to your next task decide what to do and do that. Don't give yourself a massive list of things to do, when you don't get every one of them done you then feel like you've failed. Or that's what I do anyway. I find if I have a little mental list in my head of a few jobs then anything else is a bonus. For example today was clean the wood burner out, collect a parcel from the post office, drop a return off at Asda and put a little pile of admin and post in the correct files in the drawer. I got them all done so feel like I'm winning, even though they weren't much.

I can see from your posts how hard you're trying, just make sure you look after yourself too. It's hard with kids as they are so messy!!

I assumed you had moved areas but maybe you just moved home.

Logically I know your right. When I 1st posted about the state I was getting myself into . People were saying just do short spells. Take a break them do a bit more . I didn't believe them because I was thinking it's hopeless . But I tried it anyway. And they were right. So logically I know that's true. But my mindset is wrong. Instead of telling myself it will take 10 mins to hoover the stairs or take some rubbish out. I'm thinking no-one going to see it no one comes round. Thete be more crap tomorrow whats the point.

I'm still confused. But either way I have always Been in the same area. I have been in this house for just over 18 months

@Shithole101 the ' let's do this feeling' comes and goes .... the trick is to take advantage of it while it's there and go hell for leather .......and then when it's gone, just potter and do a bit if you want. - and don't be hard on yourself for not doing anything!

No-one can work at 100% all of the time - sometimes you need to Do Stuff and sometimes you need to take a break. And if you're hard on yourself for taking a break, you just end up get lost in feeling guilty and that's all you can think about.

This is as much about emotions and feelings as about physically just 'getting everything organised and keeping everything tidy'

I know that I can get overwhelmed with things that need doing and if I just give myself permission to let it all slide for a bit, then I find that I always find my energy again and go back and take up where I left off.

If I keep thinking 'this needs doing' and 'that needs doing' then I only have the energy to worry about it all and not actually DO anything (hope that all makes sense!)

Yes it does make sense. But it just feels like my house gets in such a mess so quickly. I don't want it to get like it was before

I can't remember if you've already declutterred? If not is that something to try? I can't do it all in one go, I literally set myself targets such as 'one plastic bag of clothes for the charity shop' or '20 items of rubbish or broken toys, etc. in to the bin' or 'tidy one small drawer' Might make it easier day to day? Once I get started I also find it spurs me on to do more.

If I recall your other threads you've been through quite a lot?

Rome wasn't built in a day and all that.

Keep going but accept some weeks are better than others.

The only.thing I have to sort out is My tools. Which I cant really do till my shelving unit comes Which will go under the stairs. That's coming between the 5th- 9th of Jan. It does really impact in the house. I dont think I really have clutter

Yeah that was kind of my motivation as well. I was kind of think life's been shit for far to long. Now things are starting to change let me built on ot and start living life and try and leave the bad bits behinde.

I get that . I Just don't want to go backwards

Is it just the daily mess that's getting you down then? I get that, with kids you tidy up, turn round and it's messy again isn't it?

Haven’t read your previous thread, but can empathise. Put the dry laundry away now, before you go to bed. Laundry is a beast that has to be tamed daily.

No not really . I don't even know what it is . It's just shit.

@Shithole101 why did you have to do four loads of washing? it is easier to do every day so it does not build up. Kids rooms are always a tip at the end of the day. I know after spending many years walking in the dark on floors covered in lego. kids are young, give them a chance to play.

I'd say fuck it tonight

Tomorrow is a new day , get some sleep and plan to redo that wash tomorrow

Is it the end of the world ? Nah

I don't have the energy to explain 😭

That's what I have been telling myself for almost a week . Tomorrow never comes

My food shop just got delivered. And the woman was being followed by someone on a moped. He pulled up next to her van in the middle of the road and was kind of hidden by the van. I asked her if she wanted to come in but she said no. We just spoke on the door step. She said hes done it on her last 2 deliveries. She said she's got 1 more after me . We were talking for about 3 mins then he slowly drove of. She got in her van to call depo. She's gone now. I wounder what he was planning . I hope she's OK

@Shithole101 what jobs exactly still need doing? You mentioned a washing load that you haven't taken out of the machine since Tuesday and 3 other loads that you haven't put away yet. This is all easily sorted - and it won't take as much time as you think, so leave it for now (unless you need it NOW cos you haven't got anything to wear!😬- in which case, just fish something out)
What other jobs are you worrying about?

Top floor : I need to clean the bathroom, as in a deep clean. I have to getvall the frapbof the landing. Hoover it. I have about 5 is sacks of rubbish in the spare room which I Need to get rid off.

1st floor , I Need to clean the bathroom, and landing, I Need to sort my bedroom. And the piles of clean washing.

Ground floor I Need to clean the toilet/room, I Need to hoover and clean the hallway floor. I Need to clean my kitchen, wipe the cupboards down. Clean the floor.

Other: I Need to clean doors and door frames , all the stairs bannisters , all the skirting boards all over the house.