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Original poster

Unintentionally offended a friend

102 replies

bahhamburgers · 03/01/2024 20:54

Shit.

So I’ve lost a lot of weight. I’ve got some quite nice bits that don’t fit me anymore.

I text a friend of mine today to ask if she wanted them. I said I had finally got round to having a wardrobe clear out and I’ve got a few really nice dresses if she wanted to have them.

She replied with, “great. Because I am fat? Nice.”

I replied that I didn’t mean it that way, I just wanted to see if she would like them as we have the same style and they were things she’s commented that she liked when I used to wear them.

Shes not replied.

Supposed to be meeting up with her and her toddler tomorrow. I just wanted to pass them on to someone, a lot of the stuff was only worn a few times.

OP posts:
PegasusReturns · 04/01/2024 14:27

I’d message

“it’s obvious I offended you and I’m really sorry that wasn’t my intention. I don’t want a couple of dresses to cause I’ll feeling so im going to take them to a charity shop so we don’t have give them another thought.

either she’ll text back “fine” or similar, in which case she’s not worth bothering about it’ll give her a route to holding her hands up and apologise for being a snipey cow.

ThreeRingCircus · 04/01/2024 14:29

She's bloody rude. I'd turn it back on her and say "Well, I really liked those dresses and felt good in them but thanks for saying I was fat. Nice."

Bananabreadandstrawberries · 04/01/2024 14:29

Just sell them on vinted!
Or hold onto them as your weight might come back.

I can see how she might have been offended to be offered the clothes that are too big for you.

Beautiful3 · 04/01/2024 14:30

Just ignore her and sell on vinted.

blackpanth · 04/01/2024 14:31

Congratulations on your weight loss. Ignore your friend x

CantGetDecentNickname · 04/01/2024 14:33

Going on your update where "She said, fine, I’ll pick them up sometime", I'd recommend not contacting her at all to arrange anything. If she doesn't contact you, then after a few days quietly sell them on Vinted and spend the money on something for you. When you do eventually bump into her don't mention it and if she raises it you can do the MN "tinkly laugh" and say you needed the wardrobe space and assumed she didn't want them so they've gone. Don't waste any more headspace on her as she has been plain nasty to keep this going. The weight loss is your achievement (even though it was due to unwanted medical reasons) yet instead of being happy for you she is making it all about her.

ToniTTtopaz · 04/01/2024 14:33

She's Jealous.

You haven't done anything wrong and you have apologised. I'd just leave her now & not mention the dresses again. See if she contacts you, which I'm guessing she will when she's got her knickers out the twist.

FestiveFruitloop · 04/01/2024 14:36

I don't think she's oversensitive necessarily, but she is insensitive, because she implicitly called you fat.

321user123 · 04/01/2024 14:45

Nah let her go. She’s secretly resentful or jealous.

why would someone respond with that if you offered her clothes??

BarbaraWoodlouse1 · 04/01/2024 14:45

Flip it & say “I feel gutted that you thought I looked fat in those clothes. I always felt good in them”.

IWishIWasABaller · 04/01/2024 14:47

Sounds like a her issue to be honest, you didn't do anything wrong op. She doesn't sound like much of a friend

AnneValentine · 04/01/2024 14:54

She might be being sensitive but it’s never wise to offer clothes that you slimmed out of.

Magenta82 · 04/01/2024 15:09

My friends and I have been all sorts of sizes over the years and have always passed inthings that no longer fit. You did nothing wrong OP.

ChaToilLeam · 04/01/2024 15:15

She’s envious.

Actually, I have a friend who lost weight (so did I - we both went down a couple of sizes) and she quite openly said that she had some nice things that didn’t fit any more but would I like them? And they were nice and I tried them on and said thank you. I was happy not to have to buy new stuff.

She is sensitive about the topic clearly but that is not your fault.

surreygirl1987 · 04/01/2024 15:15

She is sooooo jealous!

Matildahoney · 04/01/2024 15:16

I mean by her saying that hm she's effectively saying you were fat, so don't think she really has a leg to stand on!

Greatdomestic · 04/01/2024 15:21

Hi op

Are you the poster that posted a few months ago about people being weird with you about your weight loss?

I think your friend is really rude and cheeky. She sounds envious of your weight loss to me.

She could sing for those dresses now, as far as im concerned, what an absolutely ungracious way to behave.

Congratulations again on your weight loss!

Greatdomestic · 04/01/2024 15:23

And don't apologise again to her. You've already done so twice.

I'm grumpy on your behalf.

Holly60 · 04/01/2024 15:24

bahhamburgers · 03/01/2024 21:03

I didn’t mean anything nasty at all. They are nice clothes that I bought for a few events and I thought she might like them.

And I don’t think she’s jealous. I’ve lost weight as I was pretty much forced into change by a medical diagnosis which meant I had to change my life and eating habits. I don’t go on about diets or losing weight.

Really awkward that we are supposed to be meeting up with the children at a pre paid event tomorrow!

I'd reply- 'wow so you thought i was fat when I fitted those dresses? Now at least I know what you really thought. For the record, I didn't lose weight because I thought I was fat, it was for a medical reason. I've always thought I looked nice '.

Sartre · 04/01/2024 15:37

With it being a new year, people can get sensitive about things like this. Everything is all about resolutions and the most common is to lose weight. Maybe she has already broken her diet plan so is feeling particularly sensitive given your clear success. I’d ignore and sell on Vinted.

SparkyBlue · 04/01/2024 15:53

Don't apologise again you have done nothing wrong. Well done on your weight loss. Also OP it's probably not even weight loss itself but you probably just look amazing right now. I know from anyone I've known who's done similar to you the fact that they are usually eating so much healthier means they just look generally better if that makes sense and you're obviously touched a nerve with her

CantGetDecentNickname · 04/01/2024 15:54

Holly60 · 04/01/2024 15:24

I'd reply- 'wow so you thought i was fat when I fitted those dresses? Now at least I know what you really thought. For the record, I didn't lose weight because I thought I was fat, it was for a medical reason. I've always thought I looked nice '.

Show quote history

THIS!

Maybe she was used to you always being larger than her and now you aren't she is not feeling happy about what she is seeing in the mirror. She should keep this to herself especially since you haven't been well which resulted in the change in your diet. I'd give her some space - lots of it and not contact her at all. She made things awkward when they didn't have to be.

Bestyearever2024 · 04/01/2024 15:56

Honest to god....what is the MATTER with some people?

OP..... you've done NOTHING wrong

You've lost 10 stone which is a massive and amazing achievement, and you did this to help your health.....any normal friend would be over the moon for you

You're obviously a lovely person who wanted to do something kind for your friend

imo your friend is a jealous moody bitch

I think the only thing you MIGHT need to do is choose your friends more carefully

Spirallingdownwards · 04/01/2024 15:58

bahhamburgers · 03/01/2024 21:09

I was much larger than her. I’ve lost 10 stone. These were clothes that I bought for some events about half way though that weight loss when we were the same size for a while.

This will be the issue. If you didn't say the items were the (her size) size she will assume you meant the clothes were the larger one you had when you were at your heaviest and she thinks you are implying you thin she was that size.

When you see her tell her the items you have are the (smaller) size that she actually is.

MarilynBoo · 04/01/2024 16:03

Sounds like she's annoyed because you used to be the 'fat friend' which made her look slimmer and now the roles have reversed and she doesn't like it! I'd wait a month and if you don't hear back, sell the clothes or donate to charity. And STOP apologizing for doing nothing wrong. Well done on your weight loss 💐