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Original poster

Unintentionally offended a friend

102 replies

bahhamburgers · 03/01/2024 20:54

Shit.

So I’ve lost a lot of weight. I’ve got some quite nice bits that don’t fit me anymore.

I text a friend of mine today to ask if she wanted them. I said I had finally got round to having a wardrobe clear out and I’ve got a few really nice dresses if she wanted to have them.

She replied with, “great. Because I am fat? Nice.”

I replied that I didn’t mean it that way, I just wanted to see if she would like them as we have the same style and they were things she’s commented that she liked when I used to wear them.

Shes not replied.

Supposed to be meeting up with her and her toddler tomorrow. I just wanted to pass them on to someone, a lot of the stuff was only worn a few times.

OP posts:
okayumm · 03/01/2024 21:53

I'm sorry to hear that, OP. It's clear that you were being very kind in this situation. It seems like there may be some jealousy from her end. It's really unfortunate that she's put you in such an awkward position, especially considering that you're meeting her tomorrow. I hope the meetup goes well for you. Please remember that you haven't done anything wrong. You come across as a lovely person.

blackoverbillsmothers · 03/01/2024 22:11

bahhamburgers

I was much larger than her. I’ve lost 10 stone. These were clothes that I bought for some events about half way though that weight loss when we were the same size for a while.

Off the point I know but I’d love to know how you achieved that amazing loss. How long did it take? I’m in awe.

cstaff · 03/01/2024 22:17

Same thing happened to me 7/8 years ago. I had surgery and as a result lost my appetite for about 8 months and dropped 3 sizes. I offered some decent clothes to a friend who was a similar size and she accepted and was delighted with them. To answer your question yanbu and your friend is being ridiculous.

Original poster
bahhamburgers · 03/01/2024 22:23

blackoverbillsmothers · 03/01/2024 22:11

bahhamburgers

I was much larger than her. I’ve lost 10 stone. These were clothes that I bought for some events about half way though that weight loss when we were the same size for a while.

Off the point I know but I’d love to know how you achieved that amazing loss. How long did it take? I’m in awe.

3 ish years.

I was diagnosed with coeliac disease which I am not going to lie, kicked it all off as I was quite ill for a while before I was diagnosed and I can’t eat all the crap I used to before.

I didn’t want to eat gluten free substitutes as they are full of rubbish so I don’t eat them. Which means I eat no processed food, refined carbs or sugar (or fake sugar) as a result. I stopped drinking alcohol 18 months who too. I just eat meat, fish, Greek yogurt and lots of veg and cook everything from scratch.

I wouldn’t recommend an auto immune disease, but to be honest, the diagnosis changed my life and health for the better.

I am currently just under 13 stone (I was over 23 stone at my heaviest), I have another 3 to lose to be a healthy weight.

OP posts:
blackoverbillsmothers · 04/01/2024 11:56

Thank you for answering. It’s really helpful to know. I have a lot to lose myself. Good luck in losing the remainder although I can tell it’s less good luck than determination and will power.

dontgobaconmyheart · 04/01/2024 12:13

It's obviously hit her in a sensitive spot. I don't know OP I don't think she sounds jealous so much as insecure. I wonder how many people on here would genuinely be pleased if a friend messaged to effectively say in so many words - these are now too far too big for me but would fit you, so would you like them.

I do agree her message is a bit over the top though. How have you responded?

Original poster
bahhamburgers · 04/01/2024 12:57

I didn’t respond again last night, I just left it. I went to the activity this morning, she was there too but she just spoke to our other friend.

I said to her, look I am really sorry. They were the dresses you said you really liked, I just thought I would offer them to you if you wanted them, that’s all. I didn’t mean to offend you and I wasn’t being a cow, I am sorry.

She said, fine, I’ll pick them up sometime but she was off with me the rest of the morning. we’re usually always chatting and having a laugh. Then she left while I was taking my children to the loo at the end - she would have usually waited and walked out together and had a chat.

So I have really pissed her off. I’ve said
sorry and that I didn’t mean it to be nasty in anyway, not much more I can do.

OP posts:
lavagal · 04/01/2024 13:07

Well I wouldn't be giving my dresses to her now

Original poster
bahhamburgers · 04/01/2024 13:08

I will just take things to the charity shop in future, I’ve learned my lesson.

I realise that some people would find it offensive. But they were clothes she had told me she really liked, we joked that I wouldn’t be wearing them for long now that I couldn’t live off sausage rolls anymore. I’ve actually given her a coat in the past that I got from vinted but turned out to be too big - she took it and was really happy with it. So I didn’t think this would be in anyway upsetting.

OP posts:
amusedbush · 04/01/2024 13:13

It sounds like she is jealous that you're now smaller than her, and you are (in her mind) pointing it out by offering your old clothes.

I lost a lot of weight a few years ago and nothing could have prepared me for the reactions of other people. Everyone and their granny thought it was acceptable to comment, people told me I would look unwell if I lost more (I still had a BMI of 27 - I definitely didn't look unwell!), and a close friend admitted to blocking me on social media because she didn't want to see any photos of me looking slimmer. Another friend ghosted me, then tried to reconcile a couple of years later; the first thing she told me was that she'd lost weight and was now a size 12.

Money and weight are two things guaranteed to bring out the worst in people.

Spomsored · 04/01/2024 13:35

You are genuinely sorry she is upset. I can see that you didn't mean to offend but also why she might be a bit sensitive. All you can do is emphasise how much you value her friendship and hope she comes round

Original poster
bahhamburgers · 04/01/2024 13:35

Oh, I’ve heard it all, believe me! I was really upset with a group of friends over the summer, I was accused of lying about having weight loss surgery or using injections. It was horrible. This particular friend has always been supportive though.

OP posts:
Nineteendays · 04/01/2024 13:39

I’d be equally offended back and say

i wasn’t fat when I wore those dresses? I thought I looked pretty good. Great, thanks for that

(this is if you want to be equally as petty and offended)

Klcak · 04/01/2024 13:43

She's being given a load of nice brand, free dresses after she spoke to you like that?

I think you need to get off your knees and say to her that you've taken the dresses to the charity shop as you are pissed off with her speaking to you so rudely when you were trying to do a nice thing.

Kittenface78 · 04/01/2024 13:49

Definitely her issue and loss. 🙂

clpsmum · 04/01/2024 13:52

Honestly she is being ridiculous. I'd reply saying no not because you're fat because you said you liked them. Don't worry I'll stick them in charity shop on way to meeting you tomorrow x

PossumintheHouse · 04/01/2024 13:54

No chance I’d be giving them to her now. Sell them on Vinted OP, and buy yourself something nice. What a twatty response when you apologised and explained yourself to her.

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 04/01/2024 14:01

clpsmum · 04/01/2024 13:52

Honestly she is being ridiculous. I'd reply saying no not because you're fat because you said you liked them. Don't worry I'll stick them in charity shop on way to meeting you tomorrow x

This exactly

ChimChimeny · 04/01/2024 14:03

I was going to say the same as @PossumintheHouse sell them and use the money for some nice summer clothes

TeaGinandFags · 04/01/2024 14:04

Why don't you get your larger clothes resized? That way you know that they'll be with someone who appreciates them.

Friendships take two to keep going. See what happens at your meeting but have a plan B just in case.

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 04/01/2024 14:09

This type of sensitive bullsuit annoys me. She knows her size, if she is fat she should know this and not expect the rest of the world to be blind. I'm overweight and extremely upset about it but I know it. If I was slim I wouldn't be wearing size 16, ffs she needs to grow up. If someone called me fat I'd be insulted of course but offering clothes in my size is another story.

Reminds me of a pal who was size 22 and complaining that bridal shops only stock for skinny people and it was so unfair etc. Then someone suggested a plus size bridal shop and she got all huffy saying they are for fat people are you saying I'm fat etc. She made other friend grovel and apologise. Pathetic immature behaviour.

Bladwdoda · 04/01/2024 14:18

I don’t really see the issue. She was upset and you have apologised. I don’t think I’d want a friend who made such a massive drama over something so minimal anyway.

Fiddlerdragon · 04/01/2024 14:18

ChocolateTVandbaby · 03/01/2024 21:10

I was much larger than her. I’ve lost 10 stone. These were clothes that I bought for some events about half way though that weight loss when we were the same size for a while.

well maybe this is your issue

perhaps you should have specified you have some dresses in size 14 or whatever

But why would that make a difference? If she didn’t want the dresses either way she could have said no thanks, I’m ok for clothes. If she wanted to check the sizing she could have asked if there’s any size 14 I’d like them thanks. Instead she came out with a comment that surely is more hurtful to the op than the op was unintentionally to her?

ArcaneWireless · 04/01/2024 14:23

I’m a veritable fat pig in knickers and I think she has been exceptionally rude.

After her ungracious response to your further apologies, I’d be buggered if she’d be getting your frocks now. She can clothe herself in her hurty feelies.

I’d be on vinted quicker than a Labrador on chips and be buying new stuff with your spoils.

Fiddlerdragon · 04/01/2024 14:23

dontgobaconmyheart · 04/01/2024 12:13

It's obviously hit her in a sensitive spot. I don't know OP I don't think she sounds jealous so much as insecure. I wonder how many people on here would genuinely be pleased if a friend messaged to effectively say in so many words - these are now too far too big for me but would fit you, so would you like them.

I do agree her message is a bit over the top though. How have you responded?

But you’ve just completely made that up though, she didn’t say anything like that. There’s absolutely no need to take a kind gesture and twist round the ops words so you can be offended. I’d be tempted to respond with equal offence considering the op used to be far larger and these were her small dresses!