Saying no to this very strange set up of a date

[Lilllypad11]

Had a really great chat with this guy. Seemed lovely, no issues at all. All worked out fine, he said let’s meet up some time. So I offered a date, he said he’d check his work schedule and get back to me. i suggested today and he said can’t confirm but will let you know.

so I was fine with it and said no issues. Anyway, today he said “today still okay” so I said “sure”

then it got weird he said “I hurt my leg, it’s gonna need to be a drive thru type of coffee date” so i went “I’m not sitting in your car the first time I meet you. Sorry that’s odd” he said “no one’s ever said it’s weird” so I said “I’ll be the first. Meet me in an open space or it’s not happening” he then said “well my family might see me so I’m not sure” I said “well then you should have thought of that before.” He was like “you’re really gonna be stubborn over this are you. You’re making it so complicated for nothing. But clearly you’re fobbing it off” I said “well I’m not but I’m not meeting you in your car. I’ve told you why” he then proceeded to say “well I said why I can’t” so I said “look let’s leave it here.” Then he said “fine I’ll meet you” so I stopped replying. He then rang my phone twice.

please someone tell me have I been unfair to this man by saying I don’t want to sit in his car. Then turning down his offer to meet inside after thr commotion he made. Have I dodged a bullet

He sounds batshit

His family will see him really?
You mean his wife or kids ! Lol

Nobody bothered about his sore legs before? So he’s used that excuse in the past and it’s exactly that . An excuse !
He isn’t looking for a date he’s looking for a drive through coffee so he can plan to meet you for sex somewhere along the line.
Also he never confirmed until last minute as he didn’t know if he could get away from the wife .

You dodged the biggest bullet ever .

I think he planned either a blowjob or a hand job in the car park, with him drinking his coffee, all the while looking out of the window to see if his relatives are nearby.

Yes you have dodged a bullet. I could go on...

Did he really then think that pestering you into meeting him was going to work after you’d said “open space or nothing”? I don’t get this weird try harder/try manipulation tactic

no sireee.

YUP my thoughts exactly. I had a feeling he was going to try and put it on me somehow. I just became really alarmed when all he kept saying was I want to stay in the car. Dress casually.

alarm bells began at that moment.

Dress casually? What the fuck has your clothes got to do with it? You can wear what you please. I had one like this when I was young and I idiotic, expected a blow job outside the local shop. Good on you op for telling him no chance

He forgot his bad leg quite quickly, didn't he?

Even if it's all completely innocent, who wants to go on a date with a man whose idea of a good time is a drive through coffee and never getting out of the car?

I think you have just saved yourself from a potentially dangerous situation. He is seriously creepy and I worry about the next person he uses his 'injured leg' excuse on.

I do think he wanted more out of it I.e. a blow job. He didn’t behave that way in the chats previously. But I was extremely uncomfortable. I wouldn’t get into a strangers car from the street. The same applies to this random guy. I kept saying, you’re 30, why are you behaving like you’re 16.

it was SO weird. Plus if he was that bothered, why suggest a place where you know your family will be. I even said, okay shall we go elsewhere and again, he started throwing toys out the pram

Yep - presumably he means his wife?

Bullet dodged, OP.

omg. I re read the conversation. He said “There was no tantrum. I literally agreed to go inside and sit with you but you started acting stubborn for no reason like I had a gun to your head”

I skimmed over this among his 200 other messages he bombarded me with. HUGE red flag.

My family = wife and kids.

No-one's ever objected before? How many times has he tried this??

Bullet dodged.

Please get to know men as people first before going on a date with them.

We spoke for a few days. I believe he’s from a religious family that don’t allow dates and if they’re found out it could create drama. But the obvious solution is to meet up somewhere less obvious. Who wants a 9 pm Starbucks date?!?

The line that jumped out at me was 'he said no one's ever said it's weird'. How many times has he used this line on women?

Yes that came to my mind as well!!

So creepy cat date so his missus doesn't spot him. Right.

How hurt is his leg if he can still drive but can't walk?

Crappest date suggestion I’ve ever had.

Probably all the other women with no or very low standards. Something felt off. I felt like he could have locked me in the car and done anything. As Soon as I told my mum she said “no way. He sounds like a creep”

I'd have dumped him at the
"can't commit to a date but want you to remain available so I can let you know last minute"
stage.

Fuck that shit. I'm nobody's option. You want to meet me, you arrange it and stick to your word. Can't like me that much otherwise and certainly aren't respecting me. 🚩🚩

I don't want a disrespectful tosser who thinks "anybody is better than nobody" for a boyfriend, so...🤷

As if that wasn't enough -

Wanting you to do something any sane and sensible person would baulk at = inconsiderate 🚩.

Getting angry at your refusal = a sense of entitlement to your company🚩 and anger issues 🚩

"Nobody else thinks it's odd" = gaslighting 🚩. And possibly a sign that this "I'm hurt" thing is a tactic he uses all the time to manipulate women into the type of date he wants 🚩.

"My family might see" = married🚩. Or ashamed/embarrassed to be seen with you for some reason 🚩.

Pushing your boundaries after you said "no" = disrespectful, aggressive, dismissive. 🚩🚩🚩

Acting like you didn't just end the relationship (before it really started, but that's irrelevant) = more gaslighting 🚩 and reluctantly acting like he's doing you a favour by giving in and agreeing to do a perfectly normal thing like meet you in public = gaslighting again 🚩

Wrong OP. The obvious solution is to realise he's a spineless mummies boy, who will always put his family's wishes (in this case for him not to date) before your needs (in this case to be/feel safe).

If he can't stand upto them and say "hey family I'm dating people, get over yourselves, I'm a grown up now." Then he's not going to have your back when his family are telling you how to raise your kids, how often to visit/be visited, where to holiday/get married/have Christmas etc etc etc.

Honestly. Such a backward mentality. I personally come from a background where my family originate from elsewhere and I am cultured. But my parents know I go on dates. I just found him so odd. He even said I was acting like he was “holding a gun to my head” that right there scared the life out of me.