Saying no to this very strange set up of a date

[Lilllypad11]

Had a really great chat with this guy. Seemed lovely, no issues at all. All worked out fine, he said let’s meet up some time. So I offered a date, he said he’d check his work schedule and get back to me. i suggested today and he said can’t confirm but will let you know.

so I was fine with it and said no issues. Anyway, today he said “today still okay” so I said “sure”

then it got weird he said “I hurt my leg, it’s gonna need to be a drive thru type of coffee date” so i went “I’m not sitting in your car the first time I meet you. Sorry that’s odd” he said “no one’s ever said it’s weird” so I said “I’ll be the first. Meet me in an open space or it’s not happening” he then said “well my family might see me so I’m not sure” I said “well then you should have thought of that before.” He was like “you’re really gonna be stubborn over this are you. You’re making it so complicated for nothing. But clearly you’re fobbing it off” I said “well I’m not but I’m not meeting you in your car. I’ve told you why” he then proceeded to say “well I said why I can’t” so I said “look let’s leave it here.” Then he said “fine I’ll meet you” so I stopped replying. He then rang my phone twice.

please someone tell me have I been unfair to this man by saying I don’t want to sit in his car. Then turning down his offer to meet inside after thr commotion he made. Have I dodged a bullet

Oh god no! Nut job.

So he wanted a drive thru date because he hurt his leg but then he said he didn’t want his family to see him, sounds suss to me definitely dodged a bullet and it’s always a good idea to not get in a strangers car so you did the right thing

Either that or he's never ventured out of the basement before. The basement of the Bates Motel, that is. I'll bet he's scared his mum will see him.

Christ no, you’ve dodged a bullet there.

He does sound married. Or worse. Do not meet him at all now, not even in a public place.

How badly has he hurt his leg FFS? I have painful osteoarthritis in my knees, but I can still get out of my car and into a shop/restaurant. If he can drive I'm sure he can limp into a cafe from the car park.

The two other things that sound odd are what other people have mentioned, 1. Why is he concerned about his family seeing him? 2. The comment about no one before saying it's weird. Does that mean he's tried this same thing before?

he then said “well my family might see me so I’m not sure”

What, like his wife?!

Exactly. I just had alarm bells and I told my mum and she went. Nope. No way.

so bloody weird!!

This is how horror films start. Fuck that.
I would have blocked him.
@Feliciacat I'm so sorry that happened to you. I hope you have some peace and light 🌺

😬 he sounds like a creeper I met on AOL dating like 20 years ago. We never made it past the cinema car park. He just kept trying to get me to sit in his car. Eventually I made my excuses (faked a phone call from my mum with an emergency - I was 18 and didn’t have the balls to just leave like I would now).

Incidentally, about 2 years later, I was looking up an address in his neighbourhood for work and came across a newspaper article reporting he had been arrested for rape about 6 months after that date.

Listen to what your gut is telling you!

So many things wrong with this. The car meet-up is a massive no in its own right. He then refused to respect your boundaries about it. Bit of light gaslighting to make you feel unreasonable / unusual in your feelings about it. Agree that the family thing suggest married. Pursuing you with calls after you said no. OP you are well shot and should block this guy.

At least you haven't wasted anymore of your time. Even if you were mean or cautious (which you absolutely were not) he should have just accepted it not tried to make you change your mind by being rude to you.

He only wants to meet up with people he can be rude to and manipulate.

Anyone who accepts that ‘date’ is risking being the subject of a podcast! You did the right thing!

Sounds like he's married or something to me. No way I'd go somewhere with a stranger in a car.

I think him being married is best case scenario here. This is making me feel ill. How many girls will fall for this?

I think married too

You’ve dodged a bullet definitely. When I was about 17 I let a boy pick me up and take me to McDonalds and had a similar experience to @Feliciacat so absolutely no getting in cars.
However, you can often work out which guys are the weirdos at the date planning stage. I would leave the guy to ask and suggest date times and places. You sound a bit too keen trying to pin him down for days and times yourself. When they say ‘we should meet up sometime’ this isn’t really asking you out, they’re just testing the waters. You’re better off saying ‘sure’ and then letting them try to pin you down. At this point the knob heads or weirdos will offer something inappropriate and the better candidates will suggest something sensible.

my family might see me. you mean his wife and kids?

A married one at that

Wow absolutely not!!

weirdo or married - cancel and block!

After it he kept sending me iMessages aswell. Saying IM the unreasonable one. I kept saying please stop and he just carried on and on

also the car thing is a bit 'rapey' to me. RED FLAG!

BLOCK him please! and i'm glad you're ok.

@Astridspuzzle @DontListenToWhatYouveConsumed thank you for your kind words! It was nearly five years ago and the next person I went on a date with is now my DH! On my first date with DH, I used location tracking because of my previous experience and he was so fine with this as well as being lovely in many other ways. He had some serious green flags!

I’m not meaning to make it about me by going into these details but I want to make clear that the right man will care about his date’s safety. The man from OP’s post is full of red flags. Also, it’s often just as we lose hope in dating that we get what we want. So ignore the losers and move on.