How much effort do you make with in-laws?

[giraffes2021]

Just out of interest here wondering from a female perspective how much effort do you make with your DP family?
Is it you that would reach out to arrange to see them so they could see DGC ? Or same with their sisters and brothers?
Or do you leave it all to DP?

Not a massive amount of organising e.g. cards, presents, arranging meet-ups. But make an effort in their company. I don’t do wife work and have my work cut out keeping my family in check a lot of the time!

None and it's brilliant. Karma comes to bite you

I feel you. It's their loss. I can relate.

Mine live 10 mins away and are an enormous help to us. Nothing is too much trouble for them, therefore I make a massive effort with them. Especially my MIL, she’s an angel so I try to include her as much as I can.

I make an effort with them in the same way my OH makes an effort with mine. But by effort I mean engage with them or maybe go to things with his sister we both like. I view it as they are his family and mean a lot to him, and therefore I care.

There are plenty of differences but not in a dramatic way, granted I won't want to long stints in under each others feet. Not sure how it would be if we actively clashed though, thankfully not something we have had to worry about.

What I don't do is any of the family birthday/christmas stuff or organising family gatherings. In the same way he doesn't get involved with mine like that.

I used to but now don't make any effort and haven't seen them for 18 months. If we got on I would but they don't make any effort either and never have.

None. I have never been close with my in-laws and they don't live nearby either. When it comes to making plans, I have my own family to deal with and don't think I should have to assume responsibility for his when he is a grown adult and fully capable to arrange things with his parents or siblings if he so wishes. I doubt he's ever bothered to send his mother the annual Christmas card and I have made the choice not to take that matter into my hands. I'm not my husband's personal assistant.

My mother used to be the one to buy her MIL a birthday card from his son and remind my father to call his parents on certain holidays. I have chosen to let my husband have the relationship with his family that he wants and is comfortable with and to not insert myself.

I have never been able to warm to my ILs. They are a cold and miserable couple. But they adore my DS even if they show it in a strange way and he loves them. So for his benefit I always made a big effort. Since DS left home I’ve taken a massive step back. DH sees them every week on his way home from work. I now see them twice a year at the most. I’ve no desire to spend any time with them.