Insensitive comments by elderly

[cocktailanddreams]

So we've spend Christmas with our loved ones of the elder generation....
what have they said to offend and upset you all?

My 85 year old DM has insulted several peoples appearances, the lunch I prepared gave her heartburn and dismissed the DC teens interests/presents as being unnecessary.

My eyes can stop rolling now its over....

My late nan was like this towards the end. Went to see her with my mum at her old people's home,she whispered really loudly to my mum "Ooh hasn't she put on weight.Hasnt she put on weight"??! It's my lasting memory of her,which isn't great. It really upset me at the time :( Horrible how they have no filter and think they can say what they like :(

Lovely - a thread to criticise older people.

These people are rude because they are rude people.

Not because of their age.

Ageism - MNs favourite prejudice

As you age you lose your filters so can't help but say what you think. It's not a choice it's the aging process. You just say what you think as you can no longer process whether or not it will be offensive.... Unfortunately you just have to accept it.

What a load of nonsense. Not all older people are rude. As a PP said. These people are rude because they're rude people, not because they're in their eighties.

'What's that horrible thing in your nose? You used to be so pretty' - I have my nose pierced.

It's not true that being indiscreet when you are old means you are a rude person. How can you not know that? It is actually such a shame that very old age brings an insensitivity to what you are saying - you say what you think without a social filter and it is not done through malice at all, it is one of the sad factors of old age, another barrier between you and your loved ones.

No, unfortunately it does seem that some people change as they become elderly.

I guess this thread is here because whereas if it was someone who was just unpleasant we would probably just avoid, in the case of elderly relatives, residual loyalty and love means we still see them and therefore need to vent afterwards.

Nope. My elderly mother was the kindest, funniest and most upbeat woman I knew. She is now grumpy, critical and negative.

I spend time with her because of who she was and because she needs me now. If it was anyone else I wouldn't bother.

Having worked with the elderly I can assure you that elderly people do lose their filter, not through rudeness but as part of the aging process.

I've heard little old dears who previously wouldn't say anything worse than "oh dear" use language that would strip paint, their families standing aghast that they even knew such language.

My MILs dementia meant she lost all her social niceties and became really quite nasty.. after a lifetime of being the kindest gentlest person.

What an ignorant, judgemental thread

Is this true?

I don't know enough about this, I'm going to read up.

So we've spend Christmas with our loved ones of the elder generation....
what have they said to offend and upset you all?

What the hell is this ageist crap?

How about a thread to ask how our disabled loved ones or BME loved ones have offended and upset us over Christmas? And if not, why not?

Ageism is coming for you too, OP. The more work you do now to stamp it out, the less likely it will blight your final decades. Why more young people don't grasp this is beyond me.

Definitely not an ageist thread, my DP are a great for their age and much loved....despite lack of filter.

Just a light hearted thread about the insults we have received, I'm not a granny basher.

For those writing in the UK... it's ageing! We still use all the correct letters in UK spelling
@cocktailanddreams Perhaps your elderly relative was responding to your vibes

Blimey, a bit sensitive there!
Were you the one handing out the insults?

Yes op mine around that age she has no filter at times... its cringy. Not nice. Agree. Very entitled too. 82

Ageism is so ingrained in our culture and so widespread many people find it really easy to justify and dont recognise that it's a prejudice just like any other application of negative stereotypes.

Is some of it related to the ageing process? If so then that makes it a bit easier to deal with. I support they are thoughts we all might have in our head?

I'm in my 60s now and after years of biting my lip I no longer suffer fools gladly. Its quite liberating to tell someone what you really think after years of gritting ones teeth 😬 😅

Well, my GPs died in their mid 80s and my DPs in their late 80s and none of them lost their filters, in fact their behaviour was just the same as it had always been.

Though I've been told my mother in law has always been like it

Oh ffs calm the fuck down.

It's well known that this happens to people as they age. My grandad turned into an absolute arsehole after being lovely most of his life.

So we used humour to cope.

It's not ageist, it's a fact that my (not everyone's) parents are out of touch and can say comments which we would perceive as racist or homophobic, which I challenge.

What's wrong with her saying the food gave her heartburn?

My dad is 92 and he can't eat half the things he likes anymore. It's pretty miserable for him, not something I would ever criticise him for.

If you gonna be lucky enough to reach that age op I bet you'll not be pleasantly polite all the time too.

Good for you, but some people when they are ‘proper old’ do loose their social awareness so they say things that they never would have said before - whether hurtful or rude or whatever. It’s not always part of dementia, but happens to some people as part of brain aging it seems.