If you're turning 40 this year.....

[GlumWithRum]

How do you feel about it?

Me? Not so good, but I'm trying really hard to be positive. I keep telling myself it's a privilege etc, but it seems to he on my mind a lot and not in a positive way.

I know everyone says this, but I don't feel this age at all. I feel in my 20's. My only dc will also be turning 18 this year and that's another milestone I just don't feel ready for. I've been a sahm for almost the entire time and I haven't got a clue what I want to do with my life. I assumed I'd have more dc, but it looks like that won't be happening and is probably for the best now, given dc age (and mine I guess), but I'm still broody as hell. I don't want an empty house.

I'm a bit obsessed about the ageing process too and get really down about my thinner hair, baggy eyes, saggy jowls etc. Constantly on the look out for the latest gadget or serum to slow this down, but I know it's a battle I ultimately won't win.

Life just seems to have really sped up this past decade. Why does it feel like that, the older we get? A year now feels like a couple of months - gone in a flash. I think I just feel a bit out of control. I wonder if it feels slower for people who live in the now. I'm very much a dweller of the past, fearful for the future type.

I need to change my mind set, I know, but I don't really know how. Is it possible?

DP has actually organised a lovely get away to celebrate, but I can't seem to find a way of looking forward to it. I feel ungrateful on so many levels.

Anyway, if you can relate or even better, if you're turning 40 this year (or have done recently) but actually feel fab, please share your thoughts. I would love to find a way to embrace this and actually look forward to it.

TIA

40 at the end of the year. My only ds will be nearly 12 when I turn 40. Dh was 40 last year. Ageing doesn't bother me, but I think because i work in cancer care for nhs, I have seen many people younger than me pass away, so to be becoming older feels a privilege. Health wise, at the moment I am OK. Need to loose some weight, though! I think my 40s will be good. Ds will find his independence and I can hopefully have more of a social life and time with dh.

I turned 40 in 2023. And embraced it as my year. I treated myself to big purchases - a new car, a new ring. I didn’t wait for my husband or anyone to make it special. I did it for myself. I didn’t want a party or anything big. My mindset was about it being about me and what I wanted.

Yes I’m overweight, my clothes don’t fit, my job changed and I’m unsure about it. I have one dc and my body doesn’t function to keep any more and so it wasn’t just a day for me. It’s a year to make things about me.

So if I had any advice it would be to see it as the year of being 40 and not a day. That way you give yourself the time and grace to make things happen for YOU

@Mumof1andacat yes, I can imagine your work would automatically make you very grateful.

Don't get me wrong, I am grateful in many ways and for many things. There would be a long list, so I don't want to be all 'wallowy'. I would just love to find a way to truly enjoy and look forward to this next phase.

I feel really good about it tbh.

i have a great career, lovely children, brilliant friends. I feel like I’m old enough to have had some really good life experience, be very grateful for what I have. I have decent money, a plan for paying off mortgage etc.

i feel very happy and content.

i think you should embrace it tbh. Can’t change it can you

I turned 44 last month and honestly I feel better than I did at 24. I got seriously interested in health and fitness in my early 30s and have kept it all up ever since. My best advice to you would be to prioritise your health - eat well, drink water, move every day, get as much sleep as you can manage. Enjoy some indulgence now and then! This will help you look and feel your best

Sorry you're feeling so down about it OP. I have mixed feelings but mostly positive.

I turned 40 a few weeks ago, had a massive party which was great. I highly recommend celebrating, even if you have to force yourself a bit - DH told me back in the summer I'd regret it if I didn't have a party and he was right. Lots of people I'd not seen for ages came, which meant a lot.

It sounds like we've done life very differently to each other so not sure if my thoughts will be helpful or not - I have no DC, been sat on the fence along with DH for over a decade (trying to decide is how I ended up on MN!), and if we do try it would be very much a last gasp let's see if it happens or not. That's probably my biggest source of sadness/anxiety/internal monologue as I enter my 5th decade and if I'm honest I waste far to much time thinking about it, which is becoming increasingly dumb as I may well be too old now anyway!

My career is in a really good place, marriage is good, without DC we've been able to have some fantastic experiences in my 30s that have shaped who I am.

I totally recognise your comments about ageing and looking older, I'm very much in the same boat. As you say, it's a battle we'll never win, and I'd be happy with looking "well" rather than "young" which is where I'm trying to focus!

I am, overall, quite looking forward to this next decade. There's a great Sex & the City episode where Samantha turns 50, and she's bloody brilliant, so whenever I feel down I'm trying to channel that energy.

I put the bins out looking like shit in my pyjamas last week, and I gave precisely zero fucks if the neighbours saw - I can absolutely say I would probably have put full makeup on to do that 10 years ago... IDGAF what anyone thinks these days and I bloody love it. If that's being 40 then I'll take that over the drama and anxiety of my 20s any day!

Oooh yes @Nanamuffin what ring did you get? I am also planning to buy some jewellery for myself (Destiny's Child style)

Turned 40 last year and it was a bit meh. DC are only 5 and 7 so much of my life still revolves around them. I definitely need some new goals just for me, but I find it so hard to find the time/energy/motivation. Shouldn't compare, but the year I turned 30, we went on an exotic honeymoon, plus had another overseas holiday, I ran a marathon, bought a house and got a new job... 40 was a bit flat in comparison!

Physically, I feel like I've aged about 10 years in the past couple... Though I still probably look slightly younger than my age. Low BMI, but need to get fit again.

Kind of feels like I'm past the best of life, really...! With an adult DC though, your life is surely your own again? You can centre yourself again in your life.. What about travel, fitness or work goals?

I think life speeds up as you get older as a year is a shorter proportion of your life. So remember when you were a child and a year was forever, it's mainly because, for example, when you're five, a year is a massive 20% of your life. At 40, it's 2.5%!

I’m also 40 towards the end of the year and can’t quite believe it - I still feel like a bit of an idiot at times and not the age I am!

I had a 3.5 yo and a 20m old - both covid babies. I also changed jobs during covid and now WFH. So I feel like MY world has shrunk a bit.

i really feel like I lost myself a bit during the last 3/4 years.. Stopped travelling, less holidays, don’t see my friends as much any more, clothes have gone to sh1t., have stopped exercising and put on a bit of weight etc.

So I am embracing this year as the year to refund myself - make it about me and do things I want to do to feel a bit better about myself again. Pick up my old hobbies, runnng, hiking, yoga, start travelling again myself to see friends, tech my self some DIY to decorate my house, buy some nice new clothes and maybe a nice treat for my bday and the like.

i am not the most proactive or committed person but I know this year I really need to make an effort.

I turned 40 at the end of November last year. I definitely don't feel 40, partly because I have a 4.5 year old who keeps me on my toes and feeling quite young! I didn't really have major feelings towards it if I'm honest. Like a PP, I'm in a good place with my family, have a job that I love and I feel makes a difference and take far less shit than I did in my 20s. I would like my health to be a bit better but I have had a chronic condition since I was a teen so it's not age-related per se although getting older doesn't help.

I'm 50 this year, not sure how that happened... My 40s were good - they wouldn't have been had I had a new baby! DD is 18 and my career, social life and general headspace have all straightened out in the last decade and I'm ready for the next chapter.

40 next month and my kids will turn 10 and 13 - so it feels like a big birthday year!
I'm thinking about my forties and how I want life to be a fair bit.
I'm not upset or worried by the number yet - I remind myself I'm grateful to get to 40.
I'm fairly vain but still look young - just fat which I'll work on.
I hope it's a healthy and fun time in my life.

I’m 40 at the end of this month and while I’m not actively looking forward to it it’s better than the alternative 😉 Can you use 40 as a catalyst to do something you’ve always wanted to? It’s a small thing but I’ve booked an exercise class I’ve wanted to try for ages but talked myself out of as it’s too expensive/I’m too unfit/ it’ll be embarrassing - but I’m using 40 as my excuse to give it a go! I’m also going to say yes to more things because “f* it, I’m forty!”

40 in August and feel indifferent to be honest but then I'm disabled and more than likely won’t be here in a year or two anyway which I've more or less made my peace with. Sort of. Although I won’t see my DC grow up.
You potentially have another 60+ years, maybe even more. Of course anyone could go tomorrow but you have a chance of another 60+ years! You don't know how fortunate you are! Especially if you have your health.

I love this - oozes positivity and coolness! I’m sorry to hear about the ambivalence around motherhood taking up headspace. I’m in the same boat. How do people decide?! 😅

I’m turning 40 this year and really excited actually! Not planning a big party or anything - that’s not really me. Like a PP I’m making this a year to prioritize myself, my goals and my passions. I think I feel so excited because I experienced and prioritized other things in my 20s and 30s like travel, kids, marriage, partying, studying etc. so I don’t feel like I’ve missed out on anything. This year I’m ramping up my career and determined to adopt sustainable health and fitness habits as I approach menopause this decade. OP - perhaps use this as an opportunity to think about what unfulfilled ambitions/dreams you have and focus on achieving those this year.

With absolute respect (and I do mean that) this thread wasn't created for people to brag about their circumstances & finances. It was about turning 40. Growing older. Not material shit.
There will be countless people joining this thread who are really struggling to feed their kids after the COL crisis changed their lives around.
There's a difference between hearing about someone who's doing well and hearing them bragging about it. Big difference

I'll be 40 next month. I feel good about it. I'm generally a positive person so can see lots of potential for adventure and experiences in the next decade. I have a happy marriage, great friends and fabulous DC. I enjoy my (incredibly stressful) job and have a safe and comfortable home to come back to.

Of course I have bad days, a disability and struggles like everyone. But overall I feel comfortable in my own skin and I'm happy.

However, I did feel lost a few years ago. In a job that was unfulfilling and my MH suffered. I had counselling, started volunteering once a fortnight and my passion for the voluntary work opened my eyes to a potential new career. I retrained, got new qualifications and never looked back. Had I still been in that headspace, I don't think I would be feeling so positive about my birthday

I’m 40 this year (November), so I’m spending the year getting to be the best possible version of me I can. I’ve lost almost 3 stone to be in better shape than my 20’s. I’m spending that little bit of extra effort on myself, eating well, dressing a bit better etc.

My kids are 6 and 3 so I’m at least out of the really intense baby stage.

This is my way of facing into it positively!

I turned 40 at the end of last year and I feel great. I'm the fittest I've ever been, I'm enjoying my career, the DC are older which has allowed me to get aspects of pre-kid me back again - I took a solo walking holiday last year for the first time in over a decade, for instance. I'm doing a degree I'm really enjoying. I had a fab party for my birthday and felt like a queen. Most of my mum friends are older than me and it seems to me that people keep looking like themselves as they get older on the whole, so why worry about how you look? Being alive and older is sure as hell better than the alternative.

I feel I have lots to look forward to.

Oh behave, it’s not up to you to police the thread. The OP has asked how people feel about turning 40 and I personally feel good, because all the pieces have slotted in to place.

it doesn’t stop anyone else feeling differently for me to feel that way, and that’s ok

I am!

Feeling okay about it. Had breast cancer a couple of years ago and had a big "38 and feeling great" party when i got the all clear. Not feeling to have another party but will celebrate all the same.

Hello 1984 lot! I will be 40 this summer. I really related to your OP. I also feel like time is suddenly racing away and very aware that I suddenly look and feel older.

My kids are younger, still in primary and I only went back to work after having them last year. Career has massively stalled and my life completely revolves around DC.

I was thinking about this recently and realised that I spent a lot of my 20s working on myself (had a difficult childhood and a lot of mental health difficulties resulting). I have then spent my entire 30s focussed on the kids which I don't regret at all. But they are now old enough to be a bit more independent. So I think I need to embrace my 40s as refocussing back on myself and moving forward. I think a lot of how you feel at these milestone birthdays depends on your particular life stage. Some people turning 40 will have teen-agers, some will have babies, some wont have children, some will have high flying careers and some won't. It's best not to compare. Most of my friends are actually already mid forties and I often feel like they're achieving more than me then have to remember all the things I have had to overcome that they haven't (and vice versa).

I’m a few months off it. I really need to lose some weight about a stone. My job is ok, I’ve got two children, a husband and a pretty nice house. I know to be grateful for what I have. I don’t know what we’ll do for it. I don’t have enough people to have a party really. I’m hoping dh and I can go away for a weekend maybe. We don’t get much time as we’re low on babysitters.

My 40s were approached with dread for all the reasons you give, OP (no DC though). But actually they were amazing! They were a period of huge lifestyle changes, relocation, very scary personal upheavals, and at the end of it all, it was all fantastic! I did a degree with the OU based on something I'd wanted to do at school but had been guided away from. I had a change of career to something I wanted to do as opposed to 'had always done', because money wasn't quite so important at this stage. Yeah. The looks thing...well that's always with you at whatever age! But it's not so important now. Just enjoy your 40s - youre young enough to still smash it!!